UN Chief Returns for Pow-Pow
Kofe Annan has cut short his holiday in The Gambia as controversy over a scene on the reality TV show The Amazing Race threatens to achieve what even the 2004 Presidential election could not do and tear America apart.
Annan was unable to confirm whether he had seen the episode in question, where one contestant named Jonathan is seen to shove his wife’s backpack as they run to embrace show host Phil Keoghan on a mat by the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin, Germany (Europe).
TWISTARD Reaction
Concerned members of the public have formed a number of groups in response to the alleged event. Trudi Tucker, 34, chairperson of one of the largest groups, “TiVo Watchers In Stand Together Against Reality Show Degradation” (TWISTARD), explained her concerns as follows: “While fully respecting the rights of all Americans to produce, participate in, watch, and export their television programs, we deplore any and all instances of real behavior on reality shows.”
SHAM Fury
Steve McCullough, also 34, of Single Husbands Advocacy for Marriage (SHAM), said more than 10,000 members had contacted him after seeing images of Jonathan pushing his wife Victoria in the back.
“This wasn’t an isolated incident. Jonathan has a history of shouting at his wife and criticizing her map-reading skills. Many of my members are recovering wife-beaters, and the last thing they need to see on television is someone who reminds them of themselves acting in a real way.”
PHONEY Concerns
A third group, formed only 3 weeks ago by a group of single women in Fresno, already boasts 300,000 members nationwide. “Phil Helps me Overcome Needs Every Day” (PHONEY) spokesperson Mary O’Rourke, 34, explained what had brought so many single women together. “We idolize Phil. To us he represents everything we look for not only in a man, but also in a life partner. He’s cool, compassionate, smart, funny, cute-looking, and totally, like, you know, real.”
Lawyers Enjoying Field Day
Multiple lawsuits and counter suits have already been filed by lawyers representing the plethora of concern groups. In one landmark case that is expected to go before Supreme Court Justice Clarice Thomas, 34, lawyers representing the legal concern group “The Wives of Attorneys Dedicated to Divorce Litigation Enhancement” (TWADDLE), have filed a suit against the unofficial Amazing Race website for fraudulent deception.
TWADDLE Moves to “Strike”
TWADDLE is basing its 10 million dollar claim on the grounds that Jonathan is clearly seen on video footage to actually hit his wife, while the site exclusively uses the word “shove” to describe his actions. It has, they claim, even introduced software to automatically replace every mention of “hit”, “strike”, “slap”, and “punch” (and their cognates) with “shove” (and its cognates) on its public forums.
In the meantime, the website is seeking to have Madam Justice Thomas recused on the grounds that she faces a conflict of interests as chairwoman of the “Judicial Officers for Keoghan Election” (JOKE) campaign 2008.
