Kurt and Amy see it...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Confidence is generally a good thing. But for some of us it is the Devil’s favorite mask.

Pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, sloth…all are faces of manic narcissism. In the moment, he is invincible. He is not blind to the flaws in his plans and logic, for there are no flaws. He’s in complete control, and he ought to be. It’s right that he is, and the world is in order. Then, a voice of dissent reaches his ear. The voice is wrong, WRONG! And what is more, it threatens to lead others from his light, from the truth, from his way. How could anyone possibly disagree unless, of course—they’re jealous? They want to be right, too. But they’re not! How can they be when they disagree with his perfect vision? 3,000 years ago…even 300 years ago the world was vast enough that he could lead those who saw the light. He could light the way as they journeyed through the darkness into unknown lands. Empires were built.

Today, he is in my car on the way to the lab for another blood draw. He’ll be 12 at the end of September and already he’s been arraigned for a felony charge. Nobody was hurt, there was no real danger, nobody understands that, he was in complete control the whole time. But there was dissent and he was outranked. He will not forget this lesson. I know he’s sick. I know his sickness—I struggle with the devil every day, but only because the fire burnt me deeply enough that I learned to distrust confidence. I live without it now, beyond humble when I can, a mere shadow of the glorious lie I used to be. He’s just a boy. He has no close friends; his sisters prefer not to play with him. He’s been betrayed by most of the adults he’s been entrusted to. Zero tolerance, overcrowding, ignorance, helicopters…there is no room for an emperor anymore and so his blood flows now into a vial. I see the wisdom in this, but my heart does not feel it.

2

Ummm . . . is there some sort of back story to this or something? I can’t make much sense out of the OP.

3

Your son is going to be diagnosed bipolar?

4

Who are Kurt and Amy? I’m confused.

5

Was classic by 1st grade, one of the rare cases in which 5 different shrinks would conclusively say so, independently, about a juvenile. He’s on lithium now and seems to be “responding” well to it. But his condition has been so severe he’s got the social skills of a 6 year old and it doesn’t help that he can’t be allowed to mix with normal kids his age unless he’s closely supervised.

I’m not anti-med by any means, it’s just that it seems a shame his natural talents are such a liability today when they would have all but ensured wild success not so long ago. Some days, like today, I see it as me crushing his soul so that nobody else does. Like euthanizing a terminal patient before the really horrible symptoms set in.
Sorry, I was being obscure and self-indulgent–old habits, and all that. Kurt & Amy.

6

I’m so sorry. My son is 12 and likely has it (not severely, thank goodness). We’re currently on the meddy-go-round with varying results. He’s reaching the age where this is really starting to have an effect. He’s a sweet boy (and handsome, bright and talented) and doesn’t get into trouble much, but I just want him to be OK. I’d give anything for that.

7

Sad, Inigo. He’s never going to get to be Mr. Universe. (Just ask Miss Phillipines.)

8

Oh, Indigo, I’m so sorry for you and your son. I hope he finds something constructive to pour his energy into.

9

Whew. Rereading this after the fact, it makes sense. For a while I thought you, Inigo, had really gone off the deep end.

My kids are that age. I feel for you, man.