Ladies, are you confident you would know if your man was cheating?

I was reading this article,
‘I never knew he was a serial adulterer’: A widow’s heartbreaking discovery

and wondered how much off stuff has to pop up before the light switch goes on.

The Daily Mail is nothing if not entertaining.

I think that cheaters comfort themselves with the idea that the person being cheated on must really know, deep inside, or doesn’t want to know. They create an implicit perception.

I honestly don’t think I would suspect infidelity unless I walked in on it. We are both of us pretty monogamous by nature and it’s just not a possibility that would occur to me.

My partner is the sort of guy who is honest to a fault normally so I don’t expect him to cheat but if he did want to cheat I’m not sure that I’d catch him. He is a pretty smart guy and I think he would know how to hide it pretty well. Maybe there is something to be said for dating someone dumber than you are so you can always stay one step ahead of them. :slight_smile:
So, no, I don’t think my guy would leave many clues. Now, if I had seen clues like the article talks about (receipt for a breakfast “meeting”, husband seeming eager to get me to leave the house at times) then I’d probably be suspicious.
Also, from that picture in the article, the husband apparently somewhat resembled Bill Clinton, which should be another big warning sign. (Kidding there; I know the Daily Mail has a reputation for being a gossip mag so it may be a staged photo).

5 years ago, when our schedules had us spending a lot of time together, I would have said yes definitely. Now we both work so much, and over such different hours, that I’m not sure. Either of us could carry on without much trouble.

I’d probably be clueless. Our schedules don’t quite match up, he has insomnia and is awake a lot at night, and he’s a computer programmer so he’d be able to cover his tracks incredibly well on any online activities.

Considering that he’s the house spouse, and literally only leaves without me if he’s going to the VA when we don’t have a babysitter, and since he doesn’t know anyone in town who wasn’t my friend first…yeah, I think I’d know. We’re that kind of couple who really likes to spend all our time together, and do. Now, he could be carrying on a phone or online relationship, but that’d be it.

When I get a job, of course, that certainty will change, as I’ll be working 12 hour shifts. I don’t fool myself that he “couldn’t possibly” be cheating if I’m away half the time. But I am confident that he wouldn’t *betray *me - he knows that if he wants to be with another person, he may, I just need to know about it first. I trust him to do that.

Even though we spend a ton of time together, he travels for work occasionally, works downtown so it would be trivial for him to meet someone over lunch, and rides his bike for more than an hour at a stretch. I also go out of town some weekends to visit family, leaving him at home.

He could easily cheat on me and I’d probably never know unless he slipped up.

Yes, I’d know. I don’t think he’s smart enough to pull off a ruse for very long, plus he’s terrible at lying.

With his job, and our weird schedules, it would be easy for him to cheat. Fortunately (?) he is honest to a fault, and yes. I’m sure I would know. I was married to a serial cheater before, and I know the signs pretty damned well.

I would probably know, since I’m always messing with his phone (he has a smartphone and it’s way more fun than my boring Nokia) and checking his facebook for him (he’s too lazy to do it so I’ll tell him when he has notifications). If there were any covert messages between him and some other chick, I’d know about it. It may seem weird that I look at his personal communications, but I’m not trying to catch him at anything. He is extremely honest and also a very good person, so I don’t think there’s really any chance of him cheating or of me not knowing about it.

Speaking as a married guy…

I have absolutely no doubt that my wife would figure out instantly if I were up to something. I mean, I get busted for every TINY evasion, for every MINOR peccadillo. I don’t lie often, but I’m VERY bad at it when I do. There’s no way I could fool her about something major!

Of course, between my job and a VERY demanding 7 year old son with ADHD, it’s beyond me when I could find time to cheat if I wanted to!

I didn’t know. I wasn’t happy about him staying late at the Officers’ Club drinking several nights a week. We argued about that, he’d spend less time there for a while, then slide back into stopping off for a drink with the other LT’s after work. Most of them were single, so that was where they spent their time. I’d get suspicious, but there was never any direct evidence. This was before cell phones and email…heck, even before answering machines or voicemail! There were no odd phone calls to the house, no phone numbers tucked in his wallet. As far as I could tell, he was just a drinker. So when we had a huge fight one time and he accused me of holding it over his head for that affair he’d had, I was stunned, to say the least. Gobsmacked. He thought I had known about it and was treating him poorly as a result. I thought I was treating him pretty well for a young wife and mother who was left alone an awful lot and had to deal with a drunken husband staggering home in the wee hours.

We made up, he had an epiphany about his life and our marriage and promised to change and I forgave him and we moved on…only to find out, years later, during the divorce, that he had had a total of nine affairs during those 16 years of our marriage, some lasting as long as two years. In all that time, one odd phone call that was easily explained away as a wrong number (he had a common name, there were six people with his name in the phone book and this was back in the day when people actually looked in a phone book to find a number and might call every Joe Smith on the list), no periods of time gone from the house that weren’t explained (and confirmed) as military duty or “got too drunk, slept at the XO’s house”. None of the other officers, or their wives, who knew what was going on, ever tried to clue me in, even my best friend. And he was always so vociferously critical of guys who WERE having affairs…totally reamed out and cut out of his life a good friend of ours who ditched wife and kids for another woman. I truly thought the drinking was the issue, and I was looking for evidence. Talk about feeling stupid.

Sounds like you should be cheating.
Every woman thinks they would know if their man is cheating. And they are always stunned when they find out. Of course a lot of it depends on what sort of job he has. If he travels a lot or works long hours, it would be extremely easy for him to cheat. And unless he is actually as big a moron as you think he is, he won’t use his cell phone if he knows you check it.

I would even say that the more you think that your husband couldn’t possibly cheat, the more likely he would be since you obviously don’t think much of him.

I believe I would know.

The last time I was cheated on I figured it out before it even happened, while the two of them were still in the flirting inappropriately stage. Called him on it, he said he would stop, he didn’t and when he actually physically cheated on me, I knew about it within 24 hours.

I’m not paranoid at all and I tend to trust people (way too much in the past really*, so it would surprise me not at all to find I’ve been cheated on without ever having realized it) so I actually surprised myself by catching on so quickly. Surprised him, too; he called me “relentless” (because he was lying and I knew it and wouldn’t quit) and told me I should switch careers and be a detective/interrogator. :rolleyes:

  • Example: I believed him entirely when he said it wouldn’t go any further than it had already.

My DH and I have been married for 64+ years, and I’m sure he has never cheated on me. He is a devout Christian man, and it just isn’t a part of his character.

He’s 91 now, and I just absolutely, positively know where he is at all times. :smiley:

Nope, he’s a keeper. By the way, I haven’t cheated on him either. :slight_smile:

I had the same thing happen to me.

That’s very sweet. I enjoy hearing about people who have been married for a very long time and are still in love.

I would have no clue. In the kind of work he does, he deals with the general public. He has plenty of opportunities to meet women.* I told him I trust him, and it’s his choice as to whether he wants to be with me. If he doesn’t, I’ll deal with it and move on.

*He tells me he knows how to fend off women hitting on him, and he does, but when we’re out in public, he has no idea how many women check him out when he walks by. It’s really funny. :smiley: