I have known that we were getting divorced for a while, so its no shock or anything. He is in the navy- while we were getting ready to move to a new base, he dropped me off at my parents house so he could go do a training excercise. About a week later he called me and said he was unhappy and wanted divorce. It was out of the blue, i did not even know he was unhappy. then he decided he wanted to get back together, then he decided he wanted a divorce again. The whole time we had been married my
dad told me to go to school so if my husband decided to do this i would have something to fall bak on. I tried, but it was hard because we moved alot and then when I did go my husband pitched a fit about me not being there to clean the house all the time and cook and clean. My husband didn’t want me to have a job- because it was directly against his “manliness” He made enought to take care of us, So I didn’t need to work was his reasoning. Now I wish I would have told him to stuff it and and got a job some school some something. My hometown is suffering from lack of jobs, the biggest employer is shutting down, and another one near us just layed off 254 people.
So here I am, jobless, can’t find a job(believe me I ahve tried and tried) trying to get back into school. HIndsight being 20/20 I wish i could go back and atleast get some kind of schooling done. I wish I would have listened to my parents.
So my question is How did any of you divorced Ladies do it? It seems like all i can do is hit brick walls. I would go get some counseling, but I am broke broker than broke and broke some more. He still gives me money, which i really appreaciate- but what I don’t appreciate is when he cuts it because his new girlfriend needs diapers for her 2 year old. But I don’t want to complain. Gee I sound like namby pamby girly-woman
thanks
Talk to a nice not-for-profit! I used to work for Jewish Vocational Service, and they serve EVERYONE, and if you’re unemployed they’ll give you vocational counseling and acess to job listings for free. Also talk to Legal Assistance about your rights in divorce, etc. They will talk to you for free, and give you advice and referrals.
I was lucky in that my parents helped me move to a larger town where I could get a job and then supplemented my income so I could go to nursing school. I applied for and got several scholarships and sought out financial aid. I got into a Job Training program that paid school supplies, waived tuition and paid me mileage and daycare expenses. Yes, I had to bare my soul and finacial history and report weekly and keep my grades and attendance top-notch, but I graduated, they reimbursed me for my RN board fees and I got my dream job. Took three years, I gave up watching TV and most of my social life, going to classes and working part-time, but I was lucky some more----a girl I worked with insisted I meet her therapist. I went twice a week and talked and paid on a sliding scale. I was able to sleep and work and share custody of my children and be sane and focused.
The first time, I had made a point to go back to college. I graduated and moved to the closest place I could find a job. As a matter of fact, the moving probably precipitated that divorce. I mean, I was the one who wanted it; I finally felt like I could make it on my own. And I did.
Advice? Go to school, if that’s what you want to do. Otherwise, search for a job you like. If it’s somewhere else, so be it.
Re: the counseling: many churches offer this free. Also, like Cyn said, some places charge on a sliding scale. Good luck !
Well, I’m looking at Divorce right now and I’ve made a plan…
Take him for everything I am entitled to!
I’ll be working halftime and going to school fulltime, eventually to become a legal advocate for DV/SA victims and children at risk.
There are tons of grants, scholarships and loans available to subsidize schooling, and there are many things, employment-wise that you can do…I’m looking doing some stuff at home, online [no, not those cheesy ripoff scams] and I have applied for other things, for extra cashola, like clinical trials, donating blood plasma, etc- I’m serious! I have my resume on every available job site I can think of and have applied for state and federal jobs as well- in a lot of cases you can even test online for the position; then they hold your app on file for 6 months or longer.
It’s a fulltime job, looking for a job.
I guess it’s a matter of doing what it takes to make it work, is what I’m saying.
My personal observation of what you related is that he is/was emotionally abusive to you- you really should think about getting involved in a support group. They are generally free and very helpful! I have a couple of other websites for you to look over, if you are interested. Let me know.
Thanks for all the replies:D
No we did not have children, even though we tried, I am so glad that we didn’t now. I am trying to go to school- hopefully it will work out- it just seems like everything decided to smack me around at once this week
The site has info and resources for virtually everything regarding dealing with/getting rid of abusive partners- without the histrionics.
The site was initially for verbally abusive relationships, but there are also very good things to be said about emotional abuse, better than anything else I’ve found so far
