I too thought this would be about Dopers. Looking at the choices given, celibacy looks better and better! Sheesh! Talk about nightmares!
CJ
I second that.
Tom Green. The smoking thing is so gross to me. The pudding and cow thing are at least a little surreal. A stinky, drunk, smoking, disgusting Mickey Rourke is just a little too real.
Well hell, we can fix this poll right up.
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Tom “Pudding” Green with farting cow.
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Drunk, smoking Mickey Rourke smelling like a bowling alley mens room.
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beagledave (showered, don’t smoke, hate pudding).
Ahh…yes…but are YOU going to have a farting cow? 
I’m not female, but the moment I saw Mickey’s description I knew it would be Tom if a decision was forced upon me. I will <b>never</b> bed anyone who smokes.
I pick beagledave.
Good thing I showed up late, otherwise I’d be in the nunnery, too.
I read this before I went to bed last night. Had a dream in which Mickey was doing Tom Green on a bed full of pudding with a farting cow.
Very disturbing.
But I would rent the video.
No no no, he’ll say “Want a sausage?”
I just realized that since few on the SDMB are as sick or foolish as myself, I should mention my last post was intended to be a sly reference to “Freddy Got Fingered,” one of the worst films ever made and a must-watch for all fans of surrealism.
You know, the OP did not have a clause which restricted the location in which the sex with Mickey Rourke would have to take place. So one could be within the bounds of the proffered choices by choosing Rourke with the caveat that as soon there was full nudity, one could proclaim “Oh, Mickey, you know what gets me hot? Water. Let’s do it in the shower. Come on baby.”
So um, Mickey Rourke. In the shower. With the wrench. No, wait…
All of you ladies that picked Mickey Rourke - have you seen him lately?
Geh.
(Not that Tom Green would be better…)
Tom Green. He’s less creepy, cleaner, and less smoky.
A lady of impeccable taste. 
I’d wrestle Kat for beagledave