LadyDopers, let's play "Who Would You Do?"

In My Humble Opinion
1

Your choices are:

  1. Tom Green–During the act of lovemaking, Tom will say the same word over and over and over and over and over. This word is “pudding.” There will also be a Holstein cow in the room with the two of you and it will be hooked up to a milking machine, and unfortunately it will also have gas.

  2. Mickey Rourke–Mickey has not showered, let me be more specific, the combination of water and soap haven’t come within 1 foot of Mickey in 2 1/2 weeks. He will have a bottle of bourbon which you may freely partake of, and Mickey will offer you cigarettes. In fact, Mickey will be smoking cigarettes during the act of lovemaking. Mickey will also be talking, but his mumbling will be so low pitched as to be nothing more than white noise. Mickey will also be wearing spurs, which will not be used on you either before, during or after the act.
    Very important

Oral favors will be given by both parties.

Both parties will have been tested for the appropriate diseases/infections and while condoms are suggested and freely available, they are not mandatory.

So, who’s it gonna be?:smiley:

2

Mickey. If only for the fact I could get so drunk that it just wouldn’t matter what else was going on.

3

Definitely Mickey Rourke. Tom Greene is just creepy. And Mickey Rourke is pretty hot (although a hot bath would make him even hotter).

4

Hell, I’D screw Mickey Rourke…

5

Mickey, every time. I can just close my eyes and remember him as ferociously sleazy-sexy as he was in Diner, instead of his current bloated and leathery ickiness.

6

Mickey.
Tom Green in the sack saying pudding? Oh, the torture. He’d probably be making weird faces the whole time.

Don’t get me wrong, though. Mickey ain’t no prize. But I’ll be drunk as a skunk, so what do I care???

7

I am so getting myself to a nunnery…

8

Horrifically, it will have to be Tom Green. Cigarette smoke makes me cough and choke and I’m so grossed out by people who don’t bathe regularly that I would probably throw up. Therefore, I would probably aspirate my own vomit and die if I chose Mickey Rourke.

That pukey face smiley would come in really handy right now.

9

I’ll go with Tom Green too. I’ve never done the horizontal mambo in the presence of a farting cow.

10

Tom Green.

I’m very, very sensitive to smell, so…sorry, Micky, since your unwashed self is sounding worse than occasional flatulence from an otherwise rather decorative cow. Plus, I like pudding.

Oh, and do we have to accept said oral favors? Couldn’t we just give them away to charity?

11

Oh, come on!

I’d let Tom Green go down on me.

[sub]Christ, did I really just type that?!?[/sub]

12

Wait, I’m confused. Mickey Rourke is going to be both smoking cigarettes and performing “oral favors”? Maybe the ladies who chose him should reconsider…

13

~blinks~

Damn, I came into this thread all ready to say Brad Pitt.
I’d rather die a virgin…

14

Please forgive me.
I thought this thread was going to be about other SDMB posters. blush

So, I shall not take this
one
step
beyond,

and, this being the predicament of the thread,
can only agree with Peg …

and thank you, Jaade , for at least a CHOICE!

15

The nunnery never looked so good!

16

ROTFLOL…Shana
Best placed reply award!

skyzoo

17

I had surgery last week and am not allowed to have sex for three more weeks, so I’ll have to pass.
I’m broken hearted.

No really

18

Mickey, I could always soak a pillowcase in the whiskey and sorta spongebathe him with it.
I’d prefer him clean and not smoking during and it’d be nice if I could hear him too, barring all that he’s still eminently more doable than Tom.

19

Mickey over Tom Green any day, bath or no. Anyway, he has plenty of whiskey, and that’s good for disenfecting, aye?

20

If by “Tom Green” you mean “James Marsters” then I pick him.