Land of the Dead: Not for Kids

Since when does an R-rating mean bring the whole clan to see the picture? I remember friends in school whose parents allowed them to see some R-rated movies, but it was usually something like the Terminator or Rambo and said friends were in the age range of 14-16. Heck, I saw Terminator at 13 at a friend’s house and thought it was fun. What a trip, a big robot with red eyes! How cool!

Maybe it’s just me, but there’s a big difference between a robot who shoots security guards (as a matter of fact, I don’t remember that flick being particularly gory…just lots of bullets) and for some reason speaks terrible English and fucking zombies tearing limbs off of bodies and eathing from people’s throats. Land of the Dead is hands down one of the goriest movies I’ve ever seen. Ever. It’s George fucking Romero, so you know it’s going to get gratuitous. These movies appeal to me personally because they are so absurdly gratuitous. I find them hilarious.

But in the theater with me were a half-dozen pre-teen kids. I don’t know how funny they found it.

One man had three little girls in tow. They looked nice and pleasant, not like white-trash who couldn’t be bothered to spare themselves nightmares and trauma. To their credit, these girls didn’t scream or cry or run out or natter amongst themselves. Perhaps they were dwarves. I don’t know. But I wonder what seeing a zombie reaching his entire arm down the throat of a dead body, pulling something out and chomping away did to their sensibilities. I wonder what they thought of Dennis Hopper blowing away some poor guy who hadn’t done anything wrong. I wonder what impression it made to see people being eaten alive.

Another couple brought their two cornfed, mongoloid children to sit right in front of my woman and I. I have no concerns about how the movie affected these two cherubic lunchboxes because they didn’t pay attention to a goddamn second of it. Little Missy McThunderchunk talked from the second she planted her prodigious posterior in her seat. She paused only to cram another handful of Goobers and Junior Mints in her maw. Lady Mung and I moved to the opposite end of the row soon after she waddled in. Moving, though, did not prevent Little Mister McThunderchunk from disturbing us from across the theater. Oh no, he would not be denied. He lifted his bloated roly-poly ass out of his seat and, determined to distract every last motherfucker in the theater, proceeded to STOMP STOMP STOMP stomp himself up and down the side aisle steps. I wanted to stand up and yank his buttery little arm and drag his sorry token-trailer sized body to his seat.

I didn’t complain about noisy kids when I saw Madagascar or The Incredibles, but I’m tired of being disturbed by children in movies in which they have no business being. I forget sometimes that I can’t always assume people have more sense than to bring kids into pictures like Vanilla Sky, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Kill Bill, Collateral, Bad Santa. And we wonder why we’re desensitized. I really believe these folks are the intellectual equivalents of Yugos. And I hope the kids kept their parents up all night with screaming nightmares of zombies and evil black gas station attendants.

If the kids are old enough, buy them tickets to another movie and send them on their way. That strategy worked well enough in my family. Or, find a babysitter. Or, just rent a movie and let your idiot spawn see boobies and throat slashing with you on your cheeto encrusted couch at home. Keep 'em out of the theater, you halfwits.

I agree. We just saw Land of the Dead last night and it was super gory. I did see a few young kids there and could only think WTF? Definitely not a kids movie. Some parents have their heads up their asses.

We also saw Batman yesterday(2 movies in one day! We usually don’t see 2 movies in a month.) and some asshole brought an infant. Jesus wept.

Don’t see how that’s a problem, assuming the kid wasn’t crying. I relished my trips to the movies with my newborn. Bundled his ears up and have him a bottle and settled back. If he statred to cry, of course, I was 5000.

Otherwise, seeing kids in an adult movie depresses me–I sure wouldn’t allow it for my son–but if they can behave themselves in a theater without disturbing me, it’s not my business.

There was that scene where he goes into the bathroom after being shot up and skins his own fore-arm and pops out his eyeball. That was pretty gory.

If they were anything like me at that age, the found it freakin’ hi-larious.

I didn’t get to see it in the theaters, but Dawn of the Dead was practically a monthly rental when I was that age. Same with all of the Friday the 13th films. Halloween, Nightmare of Elm Street, all that good shit. My friends and I used to rent two or three slasher flicks, order a pizza, and go to town. We’d keep running tallies of deaths, sometimes broken down by method. We loved that shit, and to date, none of us are serial killers, rapists, or telephone solicitors, so I don’t think it had a negative effect on us.

I totally understand not liking disruptive kids in theaters, but so long as they’re quiet and well behaved, then I don’t care. I don’t buy into that crap about it being harmful or any bullshit. Kids aren’t as dumb or as fragile as we tend to think. They can handle a little simulated gore, and not get it confused with the real thing. Yeah, it might give them nightmares, which can be a pain for the parents, but if the parents don’t mind, then I don’t see how some bad dreams are going to screw up a kid for life.

Actually, to be honest, the kid cried a little bit in very begining but stopped before the previews were over so it really wasn’t a bother to me. I guess I’m overly sensitive from having recently taken two plane trips sitting next to screaming infants. Besides the crying issue though, I personally wouldn’t want my children, as infants, subjected to the images in that movie. It was quite dark and creepy and, combined with the volume of music/effects in theatres these days, doesn’t seem very healthy. Maybe if it was a Disney movie or something I could understand.

It was shortly after some fuckknuckle thought it appropriate to bring his kids…I’ll put them at about 4 and 7…and sit in front of me at Hannibal, that I bought a big screen and set up the home theater.

It’s because of nitwits like that that I only go to the theater maybe once a year.

I’ve got you all beat. When I saw Kill Bill I there was a karate instructor there with about 10 kids aged from about 5 to 8 years old. Thank God the instructor took them out of the theater when it became apparent that the redneck guy was about to rape the comatose Uma Thurman.

Sometimes the sound from the movie can scare them, though they can’t follow the story. I sat just behind someone who’d brought a half dozen teeny children (I swear the youngest still had it’s umbilical cord attached) to see Titanic. Now it was bad enough I had to see that sappy movie in the first place. To have children terrified by loud noises and light splashing around from the screen, crying that horrible cry when babies are scared, was heart wrenching. The manager eventually asked her to leave about half way through. It took nearly every adult in that theatre complaining before he did it, too.

When I was a kid you weren’t allowed to go to a rated R movie. The theatre simply wouldn’t sell you the ticket, whether that was strictly legal or not. And nobody’s parents would buy the tickets for them, either.

I worked in a theatre when Show Girls came out.

Say what you want about the movie, but bringing your six-year old daughter to watch is not a good idea.

I had to explain to them what NC-17 ment.

I worked in a theater for one memorable year. While we didn’t show NC-17 movies, we did show an awful lot of really nasty, gross, hard R movies. And I was always amazed at how many parents would bring their kids to see these movies. I was even more amazed at how many parents would buy the R rated movie tickets and then let their pre-teens see the movie alone.

This was in 1988-89, by the way, so it’s been going on for some years now.

What happened to all of your concern for the welfare of the kiddies? It’s fine to see these movies at home?

And what began as a point well-taken about age-appropriate movie viewing went off on some tangent about fat people.

Hollywood 17 at 100 Oaks, right? :smiley:

I dunno.

I personally saw a lot of male/male couples. :eek:

:rolleyes: Okay, they sat together separated by at least one seat. :stuck_out_tongue:

Ah… inappropriate movies…

When I was nine, the pseudo mother person watched Dressed to Kill. Of course, I was with her.

Then… Ghost Story. At the theater when I was 10.

When I was 14, she took me with her to see Nine and 1/2 Weeks. :eek:

Being at Nine and 1/2 Weeks with your Mother is weird.

These are just a few of the movies she took me to.

She’s now a fundamentalist christian. A Dobson follower. She wanted to vote for Pat Buchanan in 1996.

Of course, being a Zombie film, you could have fixed the brat with a dead (heh) stare, have your expression go blank, and lurch towards him while moaning BRAAAIIIINNNSSS!!!

if he had any instinct of self-preservation, that’d cause him to run from the theatre (hopefully followed by the rest of the McThunderchuck clan…)

I saw twh Dawn of the Dead remake and was stunned to see a couple and their two sons beside me. The youngest was six or seven the oldest looked twelve. I was sure after the first five minutes teh parents would take out the kids (at least the youngest) but they were enjoying the film too much to bother. They didn’t even notice the look of absolute shock and terror in the kids eyes. I did and it ruined my viewing experience.

That kid didn’t move a muscle the entire time. His eyes were wide and staring and he remained that way when his parents decided t was time to go… after the credits rolled.

Then as I was leaving the mother decided to finally ask “What’s wrong honey…”

I don’t know. Dem white trash is gettin mighty uppity dese days. Wants ta sit wit reglar folks. You racist asswipe.

Nah, Indian Lake Regal in Hendersonville.

As for your points, fair enough. While I am concerned about 10 year old girls seeing flesh eating zombies, I know that what I think is more or less irrelevant. Mom and Dad can let them see what they want. It’s frustrating to see it out in the open like that.

A friend of mine took his two boys to see Starship Troopers. The boys were 9 and 7, he said he walked out of the theatre with other people staring at him and he felt like a reaaaaaaaly bad parent for it.

That six year-old daughter was a meticulously-planned tie-in with director Paul Verhoeven’s subtle and masterful commentary on tits, ass, American society, Hollywood, and the local bowling alley. It was brilliant: irony mixed in with mystery meat; sarcasm steam-cleaned with enigma; cynicism genetically mutated with je ne sais quois; and so much more!

And you suck for not understanding.

My grandpappy once told me, ‘When there’s no more room in hell, the brats will roam the aisles’