I’ve never driven drunk in the 20 years I’ve been able to drink alcohol, so that isn’t a risk (I made a post about drunk driving, but that was just about crime statistics). Normally I know my limits but on Friday I figured why not drink as much as possible. Now I know why I hate that, euphoria rapidly turns into dysphoria when BAC gets to 0.15 or so.
I don’t recall writing these posts yesterday, and now I’m reading them over. Man, I had no idea how badly I want kids of my own.
But its not just the money. I’m pushing 40, and if I had a kid now I’d be almost retired by the time they were graduating from college. I’ve got health problems and I don’t trust myself to be held together long enough to raise them. It is what it is. Like I said, I have nieces and nephews who are almost as good. I guess deep down inside I feel like if I wanted kids, I should’ve had them in my mid 20s (but for various reasons that wasn’t possible).
Why am I childless? Because at the critical points in my life when kids were possible they weren’t practical and when they were practical they weren’t possible. Job security having a bunch to do with it.
In the end I learned on my own the truth that if I’d really wanted them that badly they’d have come, practicalities or no. The evidence shows I didn’t want them that badly. I’ve totally made peace with that reality now.
A wise Doper told me the same many years later.
As to layoffs.
I’ve been a mid-career layoff from a job that generally never has mid-career layoffs. Where mid-career hires are rare. Not a good place to be.
As I rode the lightrail home for the last time after turning in my keys, badges, etc., I was feeling pretty low. I lived in a gentrified enclave amongst the decaying inner-ring 1920s suburbs full of the working poor and (further away) the non-working poor. So we saw all sorts on the train and on the streets of our neighborhood.
I got off the train and there on the platform was a 15-ish yo black kid waiting to get on the train. His clothes were worn. He didn’t look real bright. He had no left leg and was leaning on well-worn crutches that were several inches too short for his height. It was then I realized my problems were nothing.
I think of that young man often. He’d be 30ish now if he’s still alive.
It sucks big time to lose a job. It sucks bigger time to recognize that some future life path you’d hoped to take has been foreclosed by events and the simple passage of time.
Over in another recent thread I said that “Life is what happens to you while you’re making other plans.” It’s sure not my invention, but it is words to live by.
Hey Wesley, Don’t feel bad about being laid off. Been there dozens of times in the IT field. Companies change hands at times, and being “redundant” in your own field of expertise can hit a blow to ones pride and joy.
As an aside, I took early retirement just so I could spend time here on the SDMB and not take contract jobs with the (USA) government. (Looking at you ATT and DOD)
I hope you spent your hard earned dollars on a decent bottle of booze. I know I did when it first happened to me.
Seriously. I will be 50 this year and happily partnered for the past 10+ years (married for 8) and have never been supported by a man as an adult. And it’s fine that way. In fact, not that either of us has an insanely high-paying job, but I have been the higher earner for most of that. And it’s entirely possible to have a happy and stable marriage without having kids. I can certainly understand being bummed at being laid off, but the rest of it seems like a bit of overkill.
So sorry to hear about the layoff, especially at this time of year. Couple of things to consider
Lots of what happens to us is not due to us. Some introspection is good but at a certain point it can freeze us.
When they’re a little older, your nieces and nephews will need a caring adult who is not their parent in their lives. I’ve got many calls of the “I need some help but you can’t tell my parents!” variety. If I had kids, I could not be there for them in the same way, and I think it has enriched all of our lives.
Nieces and nephew probably won’t wreck your car.
Reading these replies has been enlightening. I agree, I am way too hard on myself, expect too much from myself and assume others expect too much from me too.
I hope I can figure out ways to not do that in the future.
I know you’re feeling old, but I’m almost 35 and still on the adoption waiting list. I could be 38 when it finally happens. I know people who thought they would never have a partner or children who found it when they were least expecting it. Life can turn on a dime.
It’s not unusual to be down on yourself in the aftermath of a major life event like losing a job. I hope things normalize for you soon.
I’m the same. If I ‘really’ wanted kids, I would’ve had them. Several years ago I had a FWB who wanted to have kids with me. I responded by timing her menstrual cycle so I never slept with her during her fertile period. So yeah, same boat. I think I’m more upset that the option is rapidly being taken off the table. But as I said, I get about 80% of the benefits of being a parent by being an uncle, but none of the obligations (which I fear I wouldn’t be able to fulfill).
Thanks. Its more the uncertainty. Do I move to live near my brother, or stay where I’m at. Things like that. Also I’ve always been terrible at job hunting and interviews. I’m a good employee (if anything, I’d rate myself above average at being an employee). But I’m below average at getting hired.
On an unrelated note, how is the epilepsy and does it affect your ability to adopt?
