“If you don’t hold still, I’m going to solder you.”
To an accelerometer.
Most likely “jesus fucking christ! You suck” to either work or home computer. More like work than home.
“NEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAA” followed by a racial slur and several slang words for “testicles” to my cell phone after droppng a rather important call.
To MS Outlook (I call it Look Out): “Jeezus Hashimoto Christ you fucking piece of fucking dog shit, send the mutherfucking invitation and stop fucking around.” Yes, I need to take a fucking chill pill and calm the fuck down. Or maybe just stop using the F word quite so often.
‘Syphilitic son of a bald headed badger fucker’.
Yesterday, to my speech recognition software, which I don’t have fully trained yet.
Not only did this deeply confuse the software, which displayed a line of gibberish on screen, it also caused my office mate (who is 50ish, and something of a shrinking violet) to blush. Deeply. Noticeably.
Probably a good thing I’m moving to another office next week.
I often say “bite me” to animate and inanimate objects alike. I don’t believe in discrimination.
Probably “Do NOT fuck with me today.” I say that to something at least once a day. It works.
Possibly “Thank you”. I say this to everything, every time I use it, or every time it performs some complicated action, like saving a file created in one application in another, or making coffee before I wake up.
“Sorry!”
Yes, I apologized to my carrier bag as I tripped over it last morning. You may laugh at me now.