Was his name Pheidippides? (or possibly Philippides)
Would the athlete’s death be considered an accident? No
Murder? No
Suicide? No
Natural causes? Yes
Was the athlete from somewhere in the Americas? No
Asia? No
Africa? No
Europe? Yes
Was he in his own country when the victory took place? Yes
Does this story take place in the present day? No
Does it matter why he decided to say the name of a company? Yes
Was the company related to the sport he played? Yes
Did the company’s name actually mean something in his native language? Yes
Did the company’s name have a meaning that directly resulted in his death? No
Did the company’s name result in somebody killing him? No
Is it relevant that he said the company’s name following a victory? Yes
Was his name Pheidippides? (or possibly Philippides) Yes
Aspidistra, would you care to fill in the details for those who don’t know, or shall I?
Thank you, I will.
Pheidippides was the runner who brought news of the victory of Athens at the battle of Marathon, famously keeling over dead immediately after. “Victory” in Greek being the word “Nike”, now more well-known to us in other contexts.
I’m not sure if anyone has a new one up their sleeve, but let me do a little trivial one in the meantime (I don’t really know how easy this is going to be - for all I know someone may get it in two guesses.
When I entered the portaloos on a recent cycling event, something unexpected immediately told me they were made in America. What was it?
Is there a date of manufacture listed?, (or some other date integral to the structure?)
Was it something in writing, in or on the structure?
Was the toilet water usage listed in Gallons Per Flush?
Was it anything to do with metric vs imperial measurements or something?
Was it free instead of charging money?
Did the door not go all the way down to the floor?
Was it not labeled W.C.?
I’m just listing things I know about American bathrooms.
Was it something about left and right being flipped from what was expected?
Does it involve regional slang?
Was it something involving smell?
Is there a date of manufacture listed?, (or some other date integral to the structure?) NO
Was it something in writing, in or on the structure? YES
Was the toilet water usage listed in Gallons Per Flush? NO
Was it anything to do with metric vs imperial measurements or something? NO
Was it free instead of charging money? NO
Did the door not go all the way down to the floor? NO
Was it not labeled W.C.? NO (Note: I don’t remember if it was or it wasn’t - but that wasn’t the thing)
Was it something about left and right being flipped from what was expected? NO
Does it involve regional slang? NO
Was it something involving smell? NO
Did it involve American spelling instead of British spelling?
If so, must we guess the exact word that was spelled different?
Did it involve American spelling instead of British spelling? NO
If so, must we guess the exact word that was spelled different? I’m not nearly that evil 
At the risk of stating the obvious:
Was “Made in America”, or the equivalent, written somewhere on the port-a-potty?
Would the writing have been part of the structure when it was manufactured?
Was it graffiti?
Does this involve differences in word usage between cultures (of the “bonnet” vs. “hood” type)?
Was the writing in English?
It’s hard to do quotes because I’m on my phone, but NO to all of the last five questions - Porpentine’s and Chronos’
Because a sign was written in both English and Spanish.
Did they use a period for a decimal point rather than a comma?
Did they use a comma to separate thousands rather than period?
Was the last serviced date written in MM-DD-YYYY form?
Was it called a “Porta-Potty” rather than a “Portaloo”?
This is the answer. Hand-washing instructions were bilingual English/Spanish - an odd combination (and one I don’t recall seeing before) in a country where Spanish is tenth (and falling) on the ‘languages spoken at home’ list.
I conjectured it must have come from the only major country I know of where ‘English, then Spanish’ is in fact the true language popularity order (then went looking for manufacturer info - I was right)
Who’s next?
How did his naked desire embarrass Kevin?
Was he naked while desiring?
Was it a desire for money?
Sex?
Status?
Something somebody else possessed?