Ooohhh. Subtle and devious. I like the way you think.
Indygrrl, you should think about doing that. Your friend gave you the photographer as a gift, she’d probably be thrilled to be asked to see the proofs. And, if she’s got an ounce of gray matter, you won’t have to say a word.
Honestly, if I were in your friend’s place, I’d want to know. And, if you feel that telling her outright makes you feel like you’d seem ungrateful, then you might want to just show her the pictures.
I’m not clear.
Did your friend hire a professional photographer? Did she hire a professional wedding photographer? To me, this sort of sounds like “your friend knew someone who was a photographer” - from the “she was sitting at a table with the friend who hired her” comment. She may have hired a very talented photographer - who does studio work, or commercial work, or lovely landscapes - but is clueless when it comes to weddings. Or a semi-pro - someone who doesn’t really make a living at it. And candid weddings are much more difficult than the traditional posed weddings. One of the reasons wedding photographers do the traditional posed shots is because that way they are sure everyone important had a photo taken - and with any luck at all - one where they didn’t have their mouth open and their eyes half closed.
My gut is that your friend knows she screwed up - after all, she was sitting next to the photographer when the photographer wasn’t taking pictures for three hours. But you may want to mention that - while you appreciate the thoughtful gift - it wouldn’t be one you recommend she gives to others. In hindsight you realize, wedding photos are “one of those things” and the wedding couple should probably choose their own photographer.
Two comments:
Indygrrl, did you steal my wedding? My wife and I did the same down to the hometown BBQ.
I had a very good experience with a amateur friend shooting his first wedding who charged me $250. HOWEVER, both MrsZer and I had a very good idea of what we wanted and he made sure to work with us every step of the way: we even have pictures of the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner because he was invited to take practice shots and figure out how to get good angles while being non-obvious.
He was pretty nervous and only would do it on the condition we’d let him refund us for any dissatisfaction–I told him afterwards that we’d gladly double his fee.
I agree that the photographer should have definitely communicated more with you about what you wanted, and spent a lot more time actually photographing, rather than hanging out with guests.
My wedding photographer was fantastic…I didn’t even meet her in person until the reception, but we discussed what I wanted over email extensively, she gave me a list of pose examples, and I chose what I wanted, along with adding a few, and candids during the ceremony, and the price included candid shots up until 9 p.m. during the reception. (The reception was so fun, though, she ended up sticking around until midnight dancing, drinking with her brother and sister (who did the music), and taking a lot more pictures). The next day, I went to her home to review the 400 pictures she took to chose which ones I wanted in a portfolio album thingie, and then I had the portfolio so I could choose my prints a week later. The pictures were beautiful, and it was amazingly cheap at 250 dollars for the actual photography, plus another 300 dollars for prints.
This photographer advertises herself as a professional who specializes in weddings and other events. She wasn’t just some random acquaintence with a camera.
I got an email back from her yesterday in which she defends herself by saying she did not have enough time to photograph everything. She was hired for three hours, and I told her if that wasn’t enough time she should have said something. I’ve never hired a photographer before and three hours sounds like a long time to me. If I had realized that she wasn’t going to try to take complete pictures I would have either payed her to stay longer or I would have went with someone else.
It’s all done and over with now, and I’m done bitching about it. I might say something to my friend when I talk to her, but I do not want to make a big deal about it. I am just going to try to be happy with the photos that I do have. They are good, but again, they are incomplete.
Here are a few that I like:
Hey indygrrl-
If you don’t mind my asking, what farm was it held at? Was it around Indy?
Maybe you could wait until next summer and go take some pictures of the farm to round out your album?
Anyway, congrats on your wedding and I’m sorry you had a bad experience. If it makes you feel any better, we got robbed at our wedding, literally. We were devastated. But six years later we don’t even think about it any more when we think of our wedding.
Those two are really beautiful – it’s sad that you don’t have a lot more that good.
Those are some amazing pictures! There’s something extra to them, more then the usual wedding pictures. I can imagine that makes it just more sour-sweet; it would have been interesting to see what she made photographing other people.
Those are lovely photos. Can you post one that you are unhappy with so we have something to compare it to?
Does the photographer have a website? What does her work look like on her website?
Three hours for a wedding shoot is very short. I don’t do anything less than 8 hours unless it’s outside of April - November wedding season. The average shoot for me is 9 hours, but that includes about an hour to two of pre-ceremony stuff, and goes into at least an hour and a half of dancing.
However, you are absolutely correct in that she should have communicated to you that this might not be enough time for her to get the images that you need. However, I would think that she as a wedding professional would have known that missing images of close family members would cause the client to be dissatisfied with her performance. It’s one thing to miss Aunt Bertha and Uncle Stanley…quite another to forget mom and dad. Besides, if you’re shooting to sell albums and prints, you need photos of the entire cast of characters as best you can.
The two images look pretty cute. The second one would look nice as a two-page spread in a flush-mount album.
I still don’t think everything is lost for you, though–You may still be able to make a very nice album if you can cull together photos your guests have taken. I’m sure there were a lot of digital point-and-shoots at the wedding (if it’s anything like around here), so you should be able to patch the holes that way. You shouldn’t have to do this, but I’m trying to suggest that all is not lost.
The second picture is kind of phallic in composition. Like it symbolizes that your the “man” in the relationship. 
Indygrrl, her excuse of not having enough time sounds like bullshit to me. If she knew she was only there for three hours, why was she sitting on her ass at a table as though she were a guest? She sounds extremely unprofessional, and it seems like she figured this was a friend job and she could just coast and not work as hard as she normally does.
I think you’re right in just letting it go, though. You can’t recreate the day, and it’s not worth the drama and possible hurt feelings to your friend to make a big deal over this. You do have some wonderful photos, and you might be able to fill in the blanks with some candids from others.
It could have been worse. I’ve known people who’ve had photographers lose or ruin their wedding film (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth), or had a camera malfunction, and ended up with no wedding photos. I know that doesn’t help.
It’s not the photos themselves she’s unhappy with-it’s that the photographer didn’t bother to make sure to get some shots of her family, and when asked about it, was incredibly rude and snippy. (I think THAT right there is a red flag-when you work in a business where you’re serving the public, you need to have basic people skills).
Gorgeous photos, Indygrrl, by the way. And congratulations.
That’s what I’ve been wondering after reading through this whole thread. Indygrrl, you sort of mentioned that you wanted candid shots, not poses. Could it be that that was somehow communicated to the photographer as “all candids, absolutely no posing whatsoever”? If she thought that interaction with the guests was strictly verboten, she might have been afraid to track specific people down and make sure they got snapped.
The photos you have are wonderful. She appears to be a very good photographer - but one that I’d only hire with a list of shots.
Well, those two pictures are great, but they ARE posed, after all! I’d be curious to know how many pictures she took of your friend.
I do think you need to let the friend know, in one form or another. And add me to the list of people surprised that your friend hasn’t asked about the pictures yet…is it possible she hasn’t paid yet, and the photographer is holding back pictures waiting for payment? At two of the five weddings I attended this summer, there were pictures of the wedding playing on a monitor at the reception! And after one wedding, the pictures were posted on the photgraphers website so that anyone could order pictures if they wanted a candid shot that included them. But since I was just the page-turner for the organist, there were no pictures of me, so I didn’t order anything!
Well, I’m sorry to hear that this happened. If it makes you feel better at all, Indy, I’ll be sure to mention this problem to my sister who is getting married in spring, and hopefully she won’t have the same issues.
Would it be possible for you to get your close family members who were missed all dressed up like they were for your wedding, and head on back to the farm and get some shots taken there (with a reliable photographer)? I also really like the idea of having a big first anniversary bash and filling in the gaps then, too. Sort of a “Wedding: Part II.”
Regarding the photographer; the first thing anybody in any kind of professional creative field dealing with clients learns is to find out what the client wants. I’m learning to be a landscape designer; it would be absolutely ludicrous for me to go design somebody’s yard without talking with them at length about what they want from my services. Yes, Indy should have made sure of what she was getting, but the bottom line, in my opinion, is that the professional should have done her job properly, which includes asking what the client wants.
We met a week before the wedding and I told her that I wanted a lot of candid photos and not a lot of posed group shots. However, I didn’t say that she couldn’t do some posed shots like that. And I don’t think she was afraid to talk to my guests. It was a very informal wedding and even my friends knew who my family was. All she had to do was ask someone. Also, she sat at a table with several of my close friends and managed not to get photos of anyone except the friend who hired her (of whom she took six photos).
Deep breath
Here’s the one and only photo of my mom:
and this is the only one with my other family members in it:
Nice, huh?
Luckily we have several good ones such as this:
She is obviously very creative and artistic, but it won’t help her much if she can’t do a complete job.
That’s just sad. I’m about as anti-TheWeddingIsEverything as you can get, but still. That’s sad. 
It seems to me that she did exactly–but exactly–what you asked of her. What she didn’t do was the additional stuff that you assumed she’d read your mind about.