Least epic one-on-one movie fights?

Inspired by this thread, what would you nominate as the *least/i] epic one-on-one movie fights of all time? Fights where they just didn’t get it right and things ended up being silly.

My call: The final Smith vs. Neo fight in the last Matrix movie. It was hideously long and boring.

One vote for Mad Dog & Glory. The film is deliberately miscast and throughout the entire movie, even the final fight scene, everybody involved seems to be wondering what they’re doing. If Bill Murray’s a method actor, he must have used this experience during Lost in Translation.

My vote goes for Rashomon, the fight between the robber and the husband in the final flashback, a very good scene but about as far away from epic as you can get.

I dont know why I bothered watching it (guess Im a machoist) but I thought the final battle of From Hell, was really really anti-climatic.

So basically the movie sets up this super badass inmate guy that can bench press mofos into ceilings and stuff, but when the final fight arises with Jean-Claude Van Damme, they become buddies!

The worst part is, is that they become friends because the super bad guy remembers Van Damme knocking on the wall next to his jail cell. So this first/final confronation fight lasts like 3 minutes and Van Damme knocks on the wall and HEY I MADE A NEW FRIEND! Then they team up and whoop ass. HORRIBLE SETUP. Badly choregraphed as well.

I didn’t include spoiler boxes for those that are wondering, the movie sucks.

OK, why the hell do I have to be the first one to mention the Cannonball Run movies?

Not even Jackie Chan can make them watchable.

Costner and the bad guy in The Postman.
Man, am I ever glad I didn’t watch the entire movie.

I nominate the epic slo-mo slap fight between Xander and Harmony in season four of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.

Well, I nominate the final brawl from The Quiet Man. That movie was a piece of shit.

Tied for 1: All the fights in Mitchell

“Buzz off, kid!”

Bing bing bing! So true. Considering the three movies had (heh) been building up to that, you’d think it wouldn’t have looked and felt so fake and over-the-top. Or maybe I’m wrong. But it looked like something from Dragon Ball Z. The couple of moments where they fought like normal people inside that dojo-looking thing was cool, too bad there wasn’t more of that… where you could actually tell what was going on.

The fight on the ship, before and after Neo is blinded, was pretty damn cool in my opinion.

The Rashomon fight was intentionally not epic-style, but it worked within the film… not so with the Matrix thing.

I actually enjoy this one in its sheer goofy earnestness, but a good fight it is not:

Mission Impossible 2, the moment things go from motorcycle chase to mano a mano. John Woo really needed to stick to gun-fu and vehicle-fu.

The “fight” with the Alien Hybrid at the end of Alien: Resurrection. Jiminy Jesus, that looked goddamned stupid with a capital “OOOOOO”.

Is that the one between Johnny Depp and the bong? :smiley:

(It’s In Hell you’re thinking of.)

Can anything be less epic than the final fight in Under Siege? Two middle-aged men having a slap fight.

Well, from a positive standpoint, the second to last fight in Equilibrium was insanely non-epic, especially after the build up. But that was the point. Our hero was one bad ass mother, and this whole fight was to show it. Good job, too.

D’oh! I was just about to finish reading this thread and go post Equilbrium’s last gun-kata fight as one of the best. Now I’d just look like a copy cat :slight_smile: But yeah, I did love the anti-climatic Omar Epps fight.

Patrick Swazye and Ben Gazzara in Road House. Just awful.

The climatic duel in Dangerous Liasons.

One guy falls down periodically,and the other one goes off to rest his face on a wall. Then the first guy gets up and they fight some more until it happens again. All interspersed with scenes of a woman dying in childbirth.

I kept saying, “Would somebody hurry up and die?”

Regards,
Shodan

I’ll try something else here. I have a nomintation for least epic fight, but in a good way.
Nearly EVERY fight in Once Were Warriors

But that was the point, really. Short, brutal. Two or three punches and one guy is on the ground.

Another “least epic in a good way”: Chingachook vs. Magua in the Michael Mann version of Last of the Mohicans. One of the combatants does a move at the beginning that ends the fight before it starts.

Oh, and Indy vs. the badass swordsman in Raiders of the Lost Ark certainly qualifies as non epic in a good way.

What…the one where John Wayne punched Vicor McLaglen all over Erie? The fact that it was a mismatch–battle-hardened soldier against a town bully–made it all the more fun.

The least epic fight was definitely between John Pactrick Swayze and Terry Funk in Roadhouse. Wait there was no fight between John and Terry–Tex Cobb found Terry face down and passed out, and that was that! That was a sad day for pro wrestling.