I recall in Somerset Maugham’s The Razor’s Edge, one character tells another: “I don’t positively hate you all of the time.”
(upon seeing someone in formal clothes for the first time)
“You clean up really nice!”
I don’t know. It’s surprising the number of people that I’ve known forever who don’t realize I’m lefthanded. And then they demand to see me write something. I don’t get it.
As for back-handed compliments, someone once told me they were pleasantly surprised by how I sound when I sing. Left me going :dubious:
“Well, you lasted longer than Jim.”
Gee, thanks. Right after losing my virginity I was really wanting to hear a comparison to my buddy.
:smack:
But what can I say? I have a tendency to bring out the most eloquent comments from the ladies. Just a few years prior to to the quote above, I was subjected to the ultimate crash and burn:
“Sanity, you’re the sweetest, smartest, most fun guy I know, and you’d probably be the best boyfriend I could ever have. But, I just broke up with my ex-boyfriend, and the next time I date someone, I want to prove to him that I can do better.”
“You have such beautiful children. Your husband must be very handsome.”
An attractive she-student, about 19 or so: “Mr. Sampiro, are you married?”
Me: No…
She: Are you seeing anybody at the moment?
Me: No…
She: Would you like to be?
Me: Well… uh… thanks, but…
She: Oh! I don’t mean me! It’s my mom, she’s going through a bad divorce and I think she’d really like you!
Once on an anonymous review for a class I taught: “He’s really cute for a fat guy.”
A clueless one from me to a friend. Said friend was talking about a disastrous date the night before that had ended with her being called a pedantic shrew.
Me ( genuinely perplexed by the charge of pedantry ): “You’re not pedantic.”
Thankfully she was amused :p.
In a similar vein - “Wow, you should wear makeup more often!”
…and I cannot recommend him too highly.
That there is my Mom.
“Well, it looks like you can do a good job sometimes.” Yes, Dad, I’d say 100% on a 100% scale, in a course for which the second-highest grade has been in the 70s, rates as a good job. I’d also say I want a wet trout to hit you with.
This one isn’t even back-handed, but for the last 22 years my ex-classmates’ mothers have been finding me trimmer, taller and better looking every time. Yeah, I did develop sooner than others.
The mother of an ex-classmate, hearing I was majoring in engineering (engineering of any kind is traditionally considered the hardest majors, in Spain): “oh my! You’re… smart? I thought you just liked reading!” Trying to follow her logic makes my head hurt.
True story:
My senior year of high school. Academic awards night. My parents are sitting next to the parents of a classmate, who it turns out will be one of our valedictorians (they tied). The dad is a professor at USC, the mom … I have no idea what she does, but at some point during the evening, she notices that I’m getting my name called and going up to the stage an awful lot. An awful lot more than her son is, anyway.
During one of my trips to the stage, valedictorian’s mom says to my mom something to the effect of “You must be so proud,” to which my mom says, “Yes, we are.”
V-mom says, “What does your husband do for a living?”
My mom answers, “He drives a delivery truck.”
V-mom, thrown somewhat for a loop that obviously in my family, the woman is the breadwinner, replies, “Oh, then what do you do?”
My mom replies, “I’m a secretary.”
V-mom, now utterly lost, asks in complete sincerity, “Where do you think he gets it from, then?”
That’s one HELL of a MPD you’ve got there.
[sub]Multiple Personality Disorder[/sub]
At my son’s funeral I came across a former high school classmate. She was the valedictorian of my class. She is now a teacher. I love mentioning that I scored significantly higher on my SAT’s (without studying or taking the pSAT) than she did. Anyway, she comes to offer her condolences and we talk for a bit. I mention that I have I now have a Master’s Degree. She says, “Wow, that’s great. I just never thought you… I mean, you didn’t come across as someone who would go to college.” :rolleyes: I just let that hang there for a minute and then said something to extent of “well, you never know what people can do, sometimes they surprise you.”
I think the salient point here is that (IIRC) jali is black.
It’s often remarked that a particular black person is “articulate” or “well-spoken” when nobody would bother to notice or comment on such a thing if the speaker had been white. The obvious implication is that these people start with the assumption that any given black person is going to talk like a character from Fat Albert.
You may not have noticed this, but keep an eye out. You’ll start to see examples. Sports coverage has a lot of this–a white ball player who can string a coherent sentence together is just a smart guy. A black ball player that can do the same is smart and articulate! :rolleyes:
Asimovian’s post may or may not be an example of this. I’m guessing it’s more likely that he doesn’t necessarily speak with common “black” inflections or speech patterns. Or maybe he does, but his friend just didn’t recognize it. Perhaps he could weigh in on the topic.
That is by FAR the prettiest dress you own!
Again, not getting it. The person used to be fat. Through a lot of hard work, they no longer are. What’s the harm in complimenting them? I think they know how big they used to be, and would be pleased that someone noticed.
Normal compliment:
“Hey Folly, you’re looking thin and in shape. Really, you look great!”
Back-handed compliment:
"Hey Folly, when did you stop looking like the Michelin man *. Hey everybody, remember how fat Folly used to be? It’s like he misplaced a whole 'nother person.
One emphasizes how you look now and the other how you used to look. Opinions may vary on how back-handed the second one is obviously.
I was at a birthday party with my girlfriend a while back where she was meeting people she hadn’t seen in years. Almost everyone was emphasizing how much weight she had lost since they’d last seen her, and I could see her getting more and more pissed as the party went on. ‘Not in front of the boyfriend, please!’ 
*Disclaimer: Not personal experience. I’ve never looked like the Michelin man.
It was just that the length of the “compliment” (which went on even longer than I quoted) and the speaker’s emphasis made it sound less like “You look fabulous now, congratulations!” and more like “My God, what an incredible porker you used to be!”
And of course, I knew how big I used to be, but couldn’t she have let me keep my sweet illusion that nobody else had noticed?
ETA: Yes, Folly. And maybe I should add that I’m no longer in danger of receiving another back-handed compliment like that.
From my sister-in-law just recently. “Oh, I like your new glasses, they make your face look thinner.” Yeah, I’ve got a melon head, thanks for reminding me.
Similar to the “you’re so well spoken” comment, a student worker who’s black told me today about a realtor (they’re selling their house) came by and said “This place is decorated so… nice… so modern… so normally!” and meant it as a compliment! Her mother told them “This is just loaner furniture while the Last Supper of Malcolm X paintng’s being cleaned and the Goodwill furniture’s being fitted for plastic covers.”
[Curious what she’d say about my place since I have statues of African gods, an antique menorah, a whole wall of crosses, tons of Egyptian bric-a-brac, a Confederate cavalry saber and pistol all in my LR & DR and a cast picture of Sanford & Son [autographed by Demond “Lamont” Wilson, Lawanda “Aunt Esther” Page and Whitman “Grady” Mayo] along with books on various gay topics, the Third Reich, and a collection of antique porcelain Santa Clauses in my bedroom… even I can’t figure out who the hell the people who live there are:D).