I need to know.
When someone you haven’t seen in a while seems to be under the impression that you’ve lost weight, even though you have not since you last saw 'em, is this a compliment or an insult? That is all.
Neither. In this culture it’s assumed that everyone wants to be some degree slimmer than they are; thus “Say, you’ve lost some weight!” is a generic replacement for, “Wow, you’re looking good today!” - whether either statement is true or not.
Are you a male or female? I only ask because I’ve asked some of my friends this, and based on my highly scientific population size of 5, I’ve noticed there’s been a strict gender divide on how this is answered. The women seem to be conflicted, while the men go, “That’s just BS talk which is meant to say you look good.” But every time I hear it, I think, “Jesus Lord, how fat do I look in these people’s minds?” Completely ridiculous, I know, but I’ve never claimed to be reasonable.
Isn’t this like someone saying that they thought of you as fat before?
Neither. Usually it means they are either misremembering how you looked and/or you have changed enough visually in some minor way and the first thing that occurs to them is weight. Also in our society since less weight is preferred*, it’s kind of a default superficially kind-sounding** thing to say if someone’s appearance is different from when last you saw them.
- I still remember my very average healthy-weight female friend being a bit non-plussed at Mexican friends in Cuernavaca commenting positively on how she looked better since last she saw them a year ago because she had put on weight.
** Kind-sounding, but obviously kind of foolish in sober estimation because of the possibility of just that pitfall you note. If you haven’t actually lost any weight, many folks don’t want to be reminded of that fact :D.
ETA:It’s not quite as foolish as asking if somebody is pregnant ( only to find out they aren’t 
), but it’s in the same general category of “potential lines of questioning best avoided in casual conversation on general principle.”
Yes! Exactly! Knock it off.
It’s meant as a compliment, but meh, when you know it’s false, it’s just kinda irritating to stand there going “Nope, if anything I’ve put it on, but thanks!”.
I wouldn’t like it because all comments on weight make me uncomfortable. If you keep saying how skinny I look, then I’m like, “Well NOW I do, but what about later when I keep eating all these fucking quesadillas? Then you’ll stop saying it and I’ll feel bad”. If you say I look like I’ve lost weight and I haven’t, them I’m like, “Hey, what’s your angle?” If you’re kind enough to point out that I’ve gained weight, then I’m like, “Fuck you.” Best to just stfu about the whole thing. People already know.
I voted neither because they mean it as a compliment I think even though I may not receive it as such. Intentions matter.
In a similar vein though I am sick to death of people coming up to tell me gushingly that I am so skinny. Skinny is definitely not a compliment!
I totally take it as a compliment, and why not?
I heard it a bunch over the holidays. While I haven’t lost any weight (or not much), I have been doing a lot to improve my posture and stuff. I’ll take it as a compliment on the stuff I’ve actually been working on.
And you’re not sweating as much!
Ha, right. “I’m actually fatter than ever, but nice to know I’m even *fatter *in your mind!” If you’ve actually lost weight, then sure, it’s not when someone else recognizes your hard work is paying off. If you haven’t lost a single pound at all, then folks should just say, “Hey, you look great,” instead of “You’re looking less fat.”
I know it’s meant as a compliment, but man it pisses me off.
My uncle said it to me over Christmas, and it was clearly meant to be a compliment. Why on earth would that be a compliment to me?! I do tons of interesting, clever stuff for which you could compliment me, but it always has to be the looks for “girls”. Why would I even want to lose weight? Did you think I was fat before? And why is my body even any of your business?!
Now, if my sister or good friend asks, it’s really out of interest, and because they really think I have. Maybe even worry, I might be ill or stressed. But as a random compliment from someone you see a few times a year, they can sod off. And they can come up with an actual compliment about my awesomeness.
Yup. I know it is intended as a compliment, so I’m not going to have a go at anyone for saying it, but that is exactly how I heard it when loads of people were telling me how much weight I’d lost. I hadn’t made any effort to lose weight because I didn’t know I needed to, but apparently I did.
In general, I think commenting on someone’s weight, even in a positive way, makes them self-conscious and focus too much on their body when they were intending, at that moment, to just socialise or go to work or do something that has nothing to do with their body shape. I’d only comment if it were someone I knew was actively trying to lose weight and was open about it, and then it’s more likely to be “you look great!” (if they do) then a specific comment about their weight. I mean, they’d know if they’d lost weight.
Right. There are very few circumstances under which I will comment on someone’s weight. The one time that I did without being close enough to her to know what she’s doing with her body (but I knew her well enough that we’re frequently at the same happy hours so I was good making chit chat with her) was when the woman was clearly and unmistakably losing weight. I’d noticed her weight loss for a while, but didn’t say anything because it was none of my business, and maybe she was just wearing a flattering shirt or something. Then one day, it was just like, “Okay, this is not in my mind. This woman is very obviously shrinking.” She seemed please that I remarked about her weight loss, and gushed about her new eating habits, and how easy they are to stick to.
But yeah, if we aren’t good pals, I need to feel at least somewhat comfortable with you, and you need to have lost a shitload of weight before I say anything about your weight.
I get this a lot when I trim my beard down to ‘summer weight’. Technically I lost a gram of hair, but my face looks a little slimmer so they think I’ve lost weight. But it doesn’t bother me, I know it was intended as a compliment. And when I’ve actually lost weight I appreciate hearing it. I’m not really fat you know, I just have large bulging abdominal muscles. I can see how people get confused.
I said neither, but changed my mind after reading. Comments on weight are generally unnecessary.
Otara
I’m going to go with tangential insult, regardless whether you’ve lost or gained any weight. Just like the store clerk doesn’t really care when he asks how you are when you enter the store. It’s just something to say to feign interest in a social setting because, after all, you have to say something, anything.
It’s meant as one, although in reality it is neither since one hasn’t lost weight, so I’d accept it as one and then give them a quick compliment like, “Oooh I like your dress.” while thinking, “That ugly ass shitty thing went out of style years ago.”
And now that I’ve had that thought I thought of this.
The person giving you the weight compliment probably thought,“Holy Christ how fat is this Fatty McFatfat going to get.” mere miliseconds before say, “Hey, You’ve lost weight.”
I find that that is almost never true. If someone says it, it’s because they mean it.