I caught up with a mate yesterday whom I hadn’t seen for almost a year. He had lost weight. Lots of weight. So much so that he looked ill to me. Normally when someone has lost weight I’d say something like “you’re looking very well” but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it yesterday.
Any handy phrases to cover this situation?
Saying nothing seems to be the easiest solution. If it were a very close friend of mine I might tentatively express concern, depending on how close we are. I’d be more open about it to a Korean friend. “You’ve become so thin! Is everything all right?” is acceptable among Korean friends. Somehow I don’t think it’s the same in most Western societies.
Usually a reply like “Wow you look great!” is always accepted graciously. May I ask why you didn’t feel comfortable telling him what you usually say? Did he look like shit?
Pretty much, yes. He’s not ill apparently. I rang around a few others and the consensus was that he had simply gone overboard on some fad diet.
That’s usually safe, but not always.
I once got in trouble with an ex-GF because I failed to compliment her step-mother on her new breasts.
Yeah, they looked good. The fact that this was the second time I’d met the woman (dad and step-mom lived out of state) and step-mom was closer to me in age than I was to my GF may have had something to do with my passing on the opportunity to say “Whoa, Shelley! Nice tits!”.
Possibly the initial observation was correct. This person may be ill and did not discuss it for personal reasons.
as someone who has lost a lot of weight, the one I like best is, “wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight.”
That way, depending on the person and my history with them, i can say, “yeah I have” and then change the subject if I don’t want to talk about it.
That way if he says something like “yeah, I’ve been on this great fad diet!” you can say “well, it’s working! you definitely don’t need to lose any more.” and if he says, “yeah. I have AIDS.” you haven’t put your foot in your mouth.
I assume Jamaica is a Western society. There it is considered a great compliment to tell a woman, “You’re looking fat today!”
How’er you doin’?
That’s what I said to a friend of mine who lost a good 100 pounds over about 2 years. (might have been closer to 150). He was very appreciative of all compliments.
When I first lost half my body weight, many people had difficulty adjusting to the change and so it as unhealthy – even though I was not at all underweight. They cautioned me not to lose any more even though I could have comfortably lost another twenty to thirty pounds with my small bones.
I’m not saying that that’s what you are doing with your friend, but do give yourself a chance to adjust to the difference. Is he really unusually thin?
The Dominican Republic is like that too.
Or, at least, it’s like that for all but the wealthy.
Or, how about the fact that she was your stepmother, and no matter what her age, there’s no way you’re going to say anything about her breasts.
You’re not the one who did something wrong. Your girlfriend’s being upset at your not talking about one of her family members’ private parts is what’s out-of-line, here.
I wouldn’t say anything. I’d wait for the other person to bring it up, even in a roundabout way, and then say something. If your friend says, “Oh, yeah…I’ve been on this new diet, and I go to the gym whenever I can these days,” you can then say, “It’s really working for you!” I’ve had too many experiences where I’ve said, “Hey! You’ve lost some weight!” (with a smile on my face), and the response has been, "Yeah, well, I’ve been kinda sick lately, " or “Nice to know my recent stress has some kind of benefit” that, at this point, I don’t say anything.
There’s a few people where I work who are on various diets and/or exercise regimens, but I don’t normally take any notice of how big people are unless they are morbidly obese.
One young guy (a big boy aged 19) has been really conscientious about his diet and workouts, and I DID notice one day that he seemed to have lost quite a few kilos. My reaction was, “Wow, Dean, you have lost so much friggin’ weight, you’re a miracle man”, and the smile on his face was priceless.
Contrast that to the 30yr old single woman (of normal height with a few gorgeous curves) who came crying to me last week wondering why I haven’t told her she was FAT before???
Meh, what could I say? Maybe I should match-make her with Dean!!
We have a guy at work who has managed to make himself far less physically attractive by taking up marathon running. First time I spotted him after he took it up I thought he had cancer.
I’ve lost 152 pounds. There are two camps on this subject:
The people who don’t want you to EVER EVER EVER comment on their weight loss and
the people who get pissed off if you DON’T comment on their weight loss 
A genuine “You’ve lost weight - you look great” (assuming they DO look great) is generally the way to go. Don’t push it after that - if the person wants to go into detail about how/why they lost it - they will.
If they don’t look good, I would say a “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you - how are you doing?” would do the trick.
VCNJ~
Well you could try: ‘Hey boy, how are the anti retrovirals taking ?’
Best to assess the situation before coming out with back handed compliments.
My uncle used to say: ‘engage brain before opening mouth’
I occasionally forget that advice
Don’t feel shy about complimenting your friend. As someone who’s gone from a size 26 to a size 10 since May of ths year, the greeting I love hearing is, “Wow! You look great!” I never get tired of hearing it. In fact, I feel disappointed when I see an old acquainaince and s/he fails to say something like that.
I lost a lot of weight way back in high school. I actually purposely did it over a summer because I wanted people to notice and comment on it.
I completely disagree with your conclusion. Maybe that’s because I fall into category #1. 
You can comment on my fabulous new figure without explicitly mentioning the weight loss. As Sonia Montdore said, a “Wow, you look great!” is always welcome. Then I can respond with either a “thanks!” or a “Thanks. I lost 152 pounds on the gefilte fish diet. Let me tell you all about it…”