Not making assumptions - that’s a big thing.
Alright, I’m het and you asked the bi’s and lesbians, but hey, I’ve had more bad experiences at the gyno than good. Among them:
When I was in my teens a doctor more or less tried to force birth control pills on me. I didn’t want them. I said I was still virgin. His answer was “Yeah, sure - if you aren’t having sex now, you will be.” I told him I was a minor and didn’t he think we should have my parents involved in this discussion? (Yeah, as a teen I was freaked out that a doctor would go behind someone’s back and basically agree to lie to someone - jeepers! How could I trust him, then?) I tried to tell him that several women in my family had had bad, very bad reactions to the Pill and he just brushed that off. I don’t know what he was thinking, but I came away from that convinced the doctor thought I was some sort of dirty, untrustworthy slutty whore. I was pracically crying when I got back to the waiting room, which upset my parents, to whom I spilled the beans, and … let’s just say we never went back, m’okay? Alright, he wasn’t a gyno - no excuse, he handled that little visit very badly (I had gone in for a school physical, prior to going to college.)
During college years, had several doctors again try to push the Pill on me, even when I told them I was using other forms of birth control (condoms + spermicide, or sponge, or comdom + sponge), as if it were the ONLY alternative. Usually firing back with “Well, what would you do if you got pregnant?” to which my answer was always “Either have a kid or get and abortion - I’ll decide IF it ever happens” NO ONE seemed willing to listen to my concerns about the Pill, nevermind women in my family with serious, serious (as in heart-attack-in-your-30’s) heart disease and who had had blood clots while on the pill, or discuss whether I was at risk or not.
After marriage it then became the Battle of Infertility - but not what you’d expect. My husband is sterile - for the first five or six years of my marriage I would get 'Are you sure he’s not lying to you?" or “Yeah, right - lots of men SAY that.” Uh, excuse me? - this is not some one-night stand I picked up in a sleezy bar claiming lack of tadpoles, this is my husband. I’ve also had situation where we get to the Birth Control Question, I say “none”, the doc looks at how long that’s been going on, and starts getting all worked up and wanting me to undergo fertility testing and – No, goddammit! We KNOW what the problem is!
THEN, when I get that straightened out, it’s on to the discussion of fertility options – um, you know, I am a college educated woman who works for medical researchers. I am aware that there are options. The fact that we have done without them for 15 years should be a clue that maybe you should ask if we want to investigate this or not.
It was SUCH a relief to finally find a gyno who doesn’t do all that. I went in, and she asked “Birth control?” I said “none”. She said “Trying to get pregnant?” I said “No, husband sterile.” She made a note in the chart, said “Did you want kids?” I said “Not badly enough to do anything about it - we’re happy as we are.” She said “OK”. End of discussion. It was such a relief not to have to argue or explain endlessly.
I mean really - why couldn’t those other doctors have talked to ME instead of mindlessly running down their checklists of questions, not really listening? I realize I look pretty typical - that doesn’t mean I am.
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