So, who would you not let drive?
Troi from TNG, Chakotay from VOY and who else?
Chakotay was a decent pilot. He landed the ship once and took the helm a few times.
He pranged every shuttle he got into.
My “least favorite” anything Trek has to be Wesley Crusher. I don’t know if he flew, but if he did he was my least favorite.
Join the club. We’re calling ourselves “Anyone who’s ever seen Welsey Crusher” now.
Who is “we”?
Well, when I’m the Captain, things will be different.
Picard. Creaky old fogey hasn’t been near the conn since they had a steering wheel and a stick-shift. I appreciate he has some sentimental value for the crew, but let’s be sensible. Next time we have a battle coming up I’m going to give him some money and send him to the pictures.
Data. If he starts making decisions based on what he thinks hearing the number 3 might mean if it’s somehow been beamed to him from an alternate self in countless repeated timeloops to save Frasier’s ass… well, you see where I’m coming from. Three is three and steering is steering. Data can make the tea. And I’ll have that emotion chip back, if you don’t mind.
Kirk. Just… no way. Forget it. The man is bad enough as a backseat driver. Every time Kirk has the slightest influence on the ship’s trajectory, we all end up having an Adventure that takes about three movies to get home from.
:addresses bridge:
Hands up who signed up for an Adventure?
:no hands rise:
Hands up who’d like to get back to earth in time for The Weakest Link?
:all hands rise:
Motion defeated. Admiral Kirk to the holodecks to play TJ Hooker for the remainder of the mission.
Worf. Psychopath. No.
Tasha Yar. Dead. If you see this woman at the Conn you’ve gone through another dimension thingy and Whoopi Goldberg will be the only one to notice.
Whoopi Goldberg. I mean, what? What is this woman doing here? Are you a barmaid or not? I don’t care how wise you are, I’m trying to run a BUSINESS here. GET BELOW DECKS.
Riker. Captain Hornblower complex. Thinks he’s on a mission to save the universe. Dangerously unstable. Plus his ego would endanger mine.
Troi. When sensing bad moods is written down in the Highway Code as valid reason for BOTHERING ME IN MY CHAIR, we’ll talk.
Wesley. Could you go and help Data with the tea, please? Whose idea was it to take sixth-formers on work-experience? We better be getting paid. Mr Data, look into it as a source of revenue. For me.
Kes. What are you, eight? This is Wesley, he has some crayons… tch…
Seven of Nine. Put some clothes on, woman. This is not a night club.
:thinks:
Mr Data, look into opening the bridge as a nightclub.
And so on. In fact the only people worth putting at the Conn, realistically, are Q, Spock, Dr Who and Han Solo.
I wouldn’t let Scotty drive. He’d just whine about his “precious engines” if you gave him an order to floor the bitch.
Kirk: Scotty, I need full power in five minutes or we’re all dead!
Scotty: She’ll no take it, Captain! Me poor, wee bairns!
Kirk: Listen, you dipsomaniacal son of a bitch, floor it or I’m sending Spock down there to give you the Vulcan death grip!
Scotty: It’s on the way, Captain!
Moving this space-puppy to Cafe Society.
So, this is now the Dumping Ground for Topics Too Stupid for IMHO But Which Can’t be Dumped in MPSIMS Because They Involve a List?
Well, maybe Tom Paris. Wait, nevermind, he is Han Solo.
dropzone, if you think this is stupid, feel free to not post. It’s here because it’s literary, and yes, television is a form of literature.
“We” is the members of the club.
Club?
What, the Wesley bites club?
Is this a circular definition or a Yahoo thing?
Mutiny, Sir! Black hearted mutiny! The Mods will not stand for it, Sir!
Sulu, anybody? He isn’t too bad, when he isn’t imagining himself as a Musketeer.
Of course Sulu or Paris.
The question is, who would you NOT let drive?
CP
Least favorite Trek pilot? Oh, I’d say “Encounter at Farpoint.”
[sub]Oh… you mean that kind of pilot… hee…[/sub]0
Well, at least Sulu could be counted on not to turn around and make flip comments about the Hard-Headed Alien[sup]TM[/sup] that just popped off the viewscreen.
Drewbert: You get a safety.
I think.
See my infamous football thread.
Dude, you’re right! Far out… and is it just me or is Riker… well, Kirk? And Data is Spock? And that Irish guy is Scotty. And… hey, am I spoiling this for anyone? Not my fault they forgot to switch the template files when they fired up Microsoft Sci-fi Publisher Express…