Let’s play "Obama invites Romney for a secret meet in the WH." You’re Romney.

Obama: [to Secret Service agents] Uh, that’s okay, guys, you can wait outside now, thanks. [They leave.]
Uh, good of you to meet with me, Governor. You got in without being seen, I assume, an’ you’re okay with the guidelines I sent you, off-the-record, meeting-never-happened sort of thing? Great. Get you anything before we get started? Soda, anything? Okay, then. I just wanted to meet, see if maybe we couldn’t agree to raise the level of public discourse, just a little, have a real discussion of policy differences, things like that—what I’d like from you is to know what you really think my campaign is claiming that’s really offensive. Tell me that, and then I’ll tell what I’d like your campaign to cut back on, okay?

"I don’t remember what I said about your policies, but I stand by it, whatever it was.

Now, can a brother get some crack up in this hizzy?"

“Uh, now, come on now, Governor. I’m serious. Tell me what you think my campaign is saying that you think should stop? I mean, if you really want some crack, I’ll see what I can do, but that may take a while…”

“Well, you keep saying you’d be a better president than me. Could you cut that out?”

I roll 6d10 Perception + Politics to check for traps. If I find none, I take the double-action penalty and roll Presence (Entrancement).

(This assumes Mitt is a vampire, but that seems evident enough.)

“Kay, that’s fair. So neither of us will say he’ll be a better president than the other–agreed? Good. What else?”

Okay, now that I got the obligatory RPG joke out of my system…

“Well, obviously, I’d prefer you dispensed with the implications — or outright accusations — that I’m a criminal. I was well gone from Bain by the time of that fiasco, and I won’t apologize for making profitable business decisions while I was there.”

(Full disclosure, I don’t have any more use for Mitt Romney than the average poster here, but what the hell, let’s see what we can’t do.)

Fuck that shit, you’re Romney! I ain’t being Romney. Seen Obama’s wife, seen Romney’s, so you’re Romney, otherwise, count me out.

“Uh, all right, I can see where ‘possibly felonious’ would get under your skin. Sorry about that. I’ll tell my staff to cut it out, at least until the IRS files charges, how’s that? Should get you through the campaign season, anyway. Now, how about you tell yours to stop with all the ‘foreign,’ ‘unAmerican,’ ‘doesn’t understand how this country works’ crap? I promise you, I understand basic economic principles, U.S. history, that stuff pretty well, so how 'bout it?”

Can I have a go on your dancing horse?

“So, tell me, is it true that you people are . . . gifted?”

Man, you are on some kind of a roll here, aren’t you, Governor? You sure you didn’t hit that crack pipe a little bit just before you got here? Come on now, be serious, can’t you tone down all that ‘Unamerican’ stuff. You can describe my economic policy without calling it ‘European-style socialism,’ can’t you? Or do really want me to start dwelling on what you coulda learned in your two years in France, or something stupid like that? "

If I were Romney? I’d drop out of the race and do as much damage to the GOP as I can while doing so.

You probably could do more damage by staying in.

“Anyway, can you introduce me to Jay-Z? My grandkids love him, and I figure you people all have each other’s numbers, so…”

So, Harvard was fun…

Alternatively:

Won’t ensuring market protectionism ultimately harm the consumer?

"Barry don’t take things so personally, Buddy! What? Are you the last person in America to learn I’m just saying whatever shit I need to, to get elected? We all do it, you know that!

And you know I have no problem with Black people! Come on, I know some Black people, and I’ll tell you what, they’re great. Really."

So, Governor, are those neck bolts solid gold?

“Okay - Ann Coulter, Michele Bachmann, and Sarah Palin - MFK?”

Yeah, a black president and the only answer could be KKK. :smiley: