I guess for me, it was really obvious but then I guess I live in that world too and I forgot that some people wouldn’t get it instantly like I did.
My kid just set fire to the microwave. It’s only the middle of the day here. Is it too early for a stiff shot of gin?
:eek:
Best parents ever!
You made me inhale my iced tea, you meanie
I don’t think apologies are needed. I certainly wasn’t offended. Those of us who are dealing with similar situations probably recognize the “symptoms” more easily. I’m not sure I’d have recognized the situation in the OP before I’d been through it.
The meds have worked really well for Furlikid. In some ways it makes it all the more frustrating to deal with in the morning. Thankyou tomndebb and **Primaflora ** It can be easy to loose track of the fact that sometimes its the ADHD not the kid that is driving me nuts.
The meds have been wonderful for us. She had started to be afraid of trying stuff because she was getting used to not being able to do what was asked of her at school. She can now concentrate on things she likes to do. I would love to find a different answer and Sometimes it seems like the meds available to us are like doing microsurgery with a sledge hammer, but she can function in school without accomidations this way. There is no way she could have otherwise.
Don’t know if this will work for you or not, but one of my “mommy tricks” was that they never knew when the consequences of their actions would “come home to roost” so to speak.
I absolutely HATED spankings (to the point where they gave ME nightmares). I hardly ever did it, even when they were little (my daughter swears she doesn’t remember any at all, but I know of at least two good paddlings).
Anyway, since I wasn’t able to use spankings, I resorted to sly psychological “control” (insomuch as it’s EVER possible to “control” a child).
If they “messed up” then the “payback” Cooouuuuld just come at a time when they least expected, or wanted it too.
BUT, I would make the punishment fit the crime. In other words, if they misbehaved in a store or public place, then when a really fun public place or store came up it was "no, I’m really sorry, you can’t go this time, remember? you were a real pill last time we went to the grocery store. I was really embarrased and this time mommy just wants to get her shopping done and not have you behaving that way again.
And obviously I made it “timeframe” appropriate too. I didn’t wait months and months, it was within a few days or a week or two at most (age dependent of course).
So, your daughter dawdles and makes you late? (I love that word dawdle too). Well, next time something really cool comes up (and of course you’ll need “back up” on this, grandma, or dad or someone to stay home with her),
Say… “I’m sorry honey, you can’t go this time, all this week you’ve been putting me behind by making me late, and now I have to make up this time, maybe next time if you can help me by getting yourself ready on time and then you’ll get to go etc etc”.
See? You use the “punishment” to sort of show them the consequences of their actions, and it’s true too. She’ll see that if you are dawdle, you DO miss out on them by not getting ready on time.
Hope that helps!!!
LEAVE THE HOUSE 15 MINUTES EARLIER!
Why are you trying to get this down to the second. You should both be out in the drive or waiting in the car when the bus pulls up. The kid hops into the bus and you drive off. It sound like because you can take that extra 15 minutes to get ready you do. Well impose your own deadline. Pretend the bus is arriving at 8:00 and be out there waiting for it at that time. That way when the inevidable delay happens it doesn’t result in a missed bus but in getting out of the house at 8:05 instead of 8:00.
This will help you both destress the situation.
Allow me to second MsRobyn’s apology.
BUT, I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS. I will retain an opinion on what it’s like to be a “hyperactive” child even tho’ I don’t have one. One of the reasons I seem normal today is because my mom forced me to assume responsibility. She wasn’t mean (I see this as an adult), she wasn’t hurtful but she made sure I understood why responsibility was important. I did not say furlibusea was being too mean to her child. I said she was too worried about being too mean to her child.
furlibusea asked what needed changing. She’s obviously on the right road. I gave her one opinion from an adult child’s point of view.
Perhaps the large check board would be helpful. If she has a concrete list of things to do in front of her, it may increase the chance of them getting done.
Also, I think having the outfit selected the night before is an excellent idea.
I’m not ADHD or ADD or Developmentaly Delayed or anything and when I was around that age I could NEVER figure out what to put on.
Finally, have you discussed it with your daughter? Not in the morning when you’re both late, but maybe at night when you’re relaxed you could have her offer sugestions as to what might make her move faster in the AM. When I was little my dad (a psychologist) did this with me - I think I was more committed to the idea because I came up with it. I assume this would work equally well with an ADHD or ADD child - I imagine it’s very stressful for your daughter in the AM as well.
Anyhow - hang in there. 
I am convinced that between the ages of 10 and 18 kids have two speeds - ASLEEP or REVERSE.
My daughter was so slow she used to miss her bus to junior high about once a week, that is until the day I made her walk to school. She got there just in time to turn around and walk back home. We never had the problem again.
Well said My brother, who I think it is fair to say I co-parented to an extent being significantly older and only having one parent at home for most of his life, is like the poster boy for ADHD. However, we “didn’t have” ADHD when he was growing up, so hes just had to work at it harder. Ok, so he had to learn earlier than most that life doesn’t cut you any breaks, but in the long run, I think it is much better for him. Now he can be relied upon to take care of himself in all the practical areas, he has to work harder for it, but isn’t that life?
I do want her to learn coping skills that we arent so reliant on the meds but I am not going to deny her the meds and say suck it up. Right now she is doing pretty well in third grade at a french immersion school. She can read above grade level in both french and english. She is taking violin because I believe another way of learning control and disapline is exeptionaly important, but none of this would be possible without the meds. (OMG what possessed me to let a child learn violin) When she flunked first grade before the meds we were told that she would have to switch schools if we didn’t see pretty radical improvement. She was starting to have some sort of violent outbreaks due to the frustration of not being able to do what she knew she should be able to do.
ADHD is a strange thing its sort of like the thoughts happen so fast that there is no filter between idea and action. Yes I know that that is true of alot of kids. This is not just a high energy kid. she still is high energy with the meds. The strange contortions when she is unmedicated might be something a normal kid does to some degree i guess, if they are in gymnastics, which she isnt. She lies on her back on the floor to watch tv then puts her legs over her head then sort of looks at the tv sideays through her legs. She used to sit in class with one leg crossed behind the back of her head. There is an intensity to the whole thing, that is not like normal kids. It is very different we learn to recognise it pretty fast in other kids we see. To outsiders it may seem like the kid is just a badly behaved brat. I wonder how many people in jail are ADD or ADHD who people just yelled at and told them to suck it up and they were just lazy.
I’ve dealt with a moderately autistic child, and a VERY demanding near hyperactive child (who was a genius and got bored easily). The suggestions I made worked… The timer acts like a “check board”. It helps her become more aware of the passage of time. Get up half an hour earlier, get yourself mostly ready, get her up, and have breakfast while she gets ready. Try it, it should work.
Hmmm, maybe write up a “morning list” with the “chores” listed in order? This way she can “race the timer” and also see what she needs to do next? Combine the suggestions? That might fill in the chinks in the method I suggested. I really hope you find a solution that works. It would also give a tangible veiw of any “demerits” she had earned. Give plenty of time for her to get things done, add time to her “best day time” on getting the thing done. So, getting dressed would take more time than packing her bag. Break the “chores” up into chunks,maybe like this:
Time her on a good day, and on a bad day, and average it out for each “group” and then allot the various times. Seems like a lot, but maybe it will work.
In addition to laying out the clothes at night, you should try packing the backpack at night. If she leaves her homework to the last minute then the bag will have to be packed last minute too, but at least you won’t have to do it in the morning. If the hair takes a really long time, maybe she could wear it in a cute, stylish but SHORT cut. Lay out your own clothes at night too and get all of your stuff ready to go then as well.
I prefer not to think about that number, or the even higher number of bright but hyperactive kids in my generation who are now bored, useless-feeling adults in low wage jobs because they were labeled as behavioral problems.
Don’t give up on your kid, and for the love of your favorite deity, don’t stop her meds. It will get better with age. Don’t worry about how she sits, or if she jumps around. Save yourself for the important battles.
Get yourself out of bed earlier furlibusea!
I’m in the same boat with my kid. I won’t add to the reward/punishment business that has already been mentioned…it won’t work. She has no control over the way she’s behaving, so rewarding it or punishing it will have no effect.
You have challenges with your child. You must therefore make sacrifices in order to address those challenges. Is it easy? No, it sucks. But she’s your daughter and she needs mommy to be in control.
Get yourself out of bed an hour (or however long it takes you to get fully ready for your day) early so that you can give 100% of your attention to her.
If nothing else, it will help you maintain your sanity and not act on what I trust was a less than serious thread title.
Good luck.
I actualy am up usualy an hour before her. I always was a morning person and it is nice to have my shower and coffee and feed the animals and stuff by myself. I think maybe sometimes I wait too long to get her started because the morning is so nice before I become a harridan. That said I think that a chart may help keep her on task. I can start aiming for an 8am leaving time instead of the 8:10. I think maybe we also need to go back to getting clothes ready the night before as well as the homework in the backpack. And yes the thread title wasnt serious exactly, although some mornings I understand the impulse more than I did when I wasn’t a parent. Thankyou espesialy to the parents of kids who live with this as well. Sometimes it can be really easy to feel alone in this and that I am supposed to be better at it. Well, I am supposed to be better at it but maybe its not just that I am an awfull parent.
I may be a little late to the party here, but I have had very recent experience with my 12 yr old ADD daughter. She was hell to keep on task for morning routines. There have been things that didn’t work, such as a chart. For some reason it just gets ignored by the child. Going into an elaborate demerit/punishment routine didn’t work either. The kid just ends up grounded/missing privileges all the time and they get used to it.
What did work pretty well is getting her an AM/FM alarm clock. Let them set it to their favorite station for wake up. Ditch any thought of snooze button usage. Picking out clothes the night before is a winner too. Just make sure YOU remember! Also very helpful are periodic 10 minute reminders of “what time is it?” so they stay on track.
My daughter now has a great routine and has her act together in the morning. I just need to work out the clothing choice thing. Aaagghh… pre-teens.
furlibsea, you are NOT AN AWFUL parent because the ‘normal’ parenting stuff doesn’t work. I’ve BTDT where you just feel like shit because things don’t function in the way they do in other families who don’t have the challenges we face on a daily basis.
I think the wallchart’s a good idea. It’s visual and it’s something she can refer to. Is she like this all day even medicated? "Cause if she is, I’d be wondering about having her meds checked a bit more closely. I’m hearing good things about strattera. Of course living where I do, the height of sophisticated meds is time released dex and even then I have to send to Sydney at vast expense to get it made.
I do not have a child, but I do have a brother who is a morning slug. He’s in college now so he has to get himself up for classes. From what I hear he mostly succeeds. Whether he’s awake in those classes isn’t my problem.
If I am going out in the morning, I always get my stuff ready the night before, and I’m an adult. It helps a lot to know what I’m going to wear and have any stuff I need together so I don’t have to deal with it in the morning. This also means I don’t get up and realize that I’m out of undies and need to do laundry or…EWWWW…wear the same ones I wore yesterday. It’s not a bad habit for ANYBODY to get into, I’m guessing.