Mr. and Mrs. John Doe really drives me nuts when it’s used with the husband and I. I have a name too, damnit! I don’t necessarily care if it’s old-fashioned or the way things are for many Americans of older generations, as [to me] it implies that I’m some sort of accessory and not a real person in the marriage.
My parents married in Michigan and yes, the convention was that my mom went from her maiden name Jane Religiousname Jones, to Jane Jones Cellphone when she married my dad. My female family members in Ohio and Indiana similarly changed their names. I would say they were all from generations who got married in prior to the 1970s. (I think my parents got married in 1968).
On formal stuff, for way too long my mom was addressed as Mrs. Herbert Cellphone. When they first moved to Canada (I don’t think I was born yet) she was pissed because a Canadian credit card company refused to issue credit cards to married women with their own first names i.e. Mrs. Jane Cellphone. They insisted on only issuing a credit card to her as Mrs. Herbert Cellphone. A single woman? No problem, “Here’s your card Miss Jane Jones.”
IIRC, the story goes that she ended up badgering the VP of some bank got a credit card with her own first name and not my dad’s.
In fairness, you do complement any outfit perfectly. 
Did my husband and I get introduced at our wedding as “For the first time…Mr. and Mrs. Fred Caricci”? I don’t remember. Hmmm.
The only times I’ve ever been addressed as Mr. and Mrs. Fred Caricci it’s been on a wedding invitation envelope. I don’t mind it. I know it’s an old tradition. Eh. When my son gets married, if my husband and I are listed in the text of the invitation, that will probably be the only other time. (eg. Mr. and Mrs. Hugo DILparents and Mr. and Mrs. Fred Caricci request…)
Anyway, it’s really old fashioned and I can’t imagine using it in any other situation, but I don’t let it bother me. I figure it made sense at the time people started do it.
I do use my maiden name as my middle name. My mother did, my grandmothers did, my great-grandmothers did. My one sister does. I do too.
I find it comical that people are still that slow to catch on with society. Of course, at my wedding we were introduced as, “I present to you, Carrie and Tyler, wife and husband.” And half of our kids have each of our last names, so I don’t think that people have ever viewed us as “traditional”.
Oooh. I like that. Might have a quiet word with the officiant.
When I hear that at weddings, I usually turn to Mr. Boozilu and comment, “Wow! She changed her first name too!”
Oh well, you know, it helps with family unity, being Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. That way if they both pick the kids up at school the teachers only need to learn one full name.
While is was/is a custom, it was never universal in the US. My father’s family came here in 1900, and they never used middle names of any sort. My mother’s family has been in the US sinc e1860 (St. Louis area) and the women all kept their middle names given at birth they never moved their maiden names to their middle names. So perhaps there is a sub=culture of some sort in the US that does this, but like I said, it’s nowhere near universal.
One prominent (though far from ‘common’) example of this is Princess Michael of Kent.
I like the idea of having a maiden name as a middle name after marriage; cute!
And I like my last name, it’d make a great middle name for kids.
Never been married, can’t imagine having kids at this point, so it’s all rather moot, but still!
My parents went old-school. Mom no longer uses her birth middle name and instead uses her maiden name as her middle name. Of course, my parents were married in the Deep South in the early 1970s. My paternal grandmother still addresses correspondence to them as “Dr. and Mrs. Dad’s-First-Name Dad’s-Middle-Initial Lastname” They don’t get anything else in that style, though.
Oh, and Taomist, I actually got my mother’s maiden name as a middle name. It works well as a middle name and I got it since I was the first-born son and my maternal grandparents only had two daughters. As I said, rather old-school.
Lynn Bodoni correctly summarized the traditional rules in the US. The construction “Mrs. [Female-first-name] [Last-name]” had kind of a dirty thrill to it - gasp, a dee-vor-SAY!
But I think it has been a long time since anyone adhered to those rules (although I have always addressed people of my mother’s generation as “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” since I know that is what they prefer).
I find it very odd when people address me using those outdated rules though. I do occasionally get addressed as “Mrs. [Husband’s Name]” which just amuses me, since I didn’t even take his name. Funniest of all are the Christmas cards addressed to “Dr. and Mrs. [Husband’s Name.]” My husband is a Ph.D., not a medical doctor, and has never ever ever wanted to be called “doctor.” We can’t really believe those cards are meant for us and keep looking around wondering if there is another family next door that we got confused with.
This is all too complicated. I just refer to people as, “Hey you! No, not you, you! Red hair, third from the left–there ya go.”
I had a maiden aunt who was very quick to correct anybody who addressed her as “Mrs” instead of “Miss”. She lived to be 86 or 87.
Somewhere I have an old correspondence manual/etiquette guideFor the “traditional rules” for women’s names are;
Miss Jane Doe — spinster
Mrs John Smith — married woman
Mrs Jane Smith — divorcée
Mrs Doe Smith — alternate style for divorcée
Mrs John Doe — widow
A widow who’s remarrying was supposed to use both her maiden & married names in the announcments (ie Mrs Jane Doe Smith). At one time a divorcée wasn’t expected to revert to her maiden names unless she “wished to give the impression that she was the guilty party”. For certain legal matters (like correspondence from a bank or lawyer) “Mrs Jane Smith” was permissible, but only in the letter itself, not on the envelope. It does address how to address “professional women” in which case Miss was the default. Surprisingly it does mention how to address women with proffesional qualifications like Doctor. She’d be “Dr Jane Smith”, on a proffesional matter, but on a social matter “Mr & Mrs John Smith” if married. Women who used their maiden names were “Miss Jane Doe” proffesionaly, but she’d become “Mrs John Smith” socially. Also unwed mothers were advised to switch over to Mrs despite not being married.
English here. I have an aunt (who is about 70) who sends me Christmas cards addressed to ‘Mrs John Doe’, even though I never took Mr Doe’s surname in the first place (let alone his first name) and have been divorced for ten years.
Huh. I always thought you were a dude.
Another pile-on anecdote agreeing with the rest …
My wife an I have been married 20+ years. She adopted my last name as hers and left the rest of her names as they were from birth.
Her aged mother still insists on addressing holiday greeting cards to her daughter & I as “Mr. & Mrs. HusbandFirstName HusbandLastName”. My wife’s birthday card comes to her as “Mrs. HusbandFirstName HusbandLastName”.
My wife’s comment: “My own mother thinks I’m just an “s”. And a lower-case one to boot.”
That pretty well summarizes both of our attitudes to this archaic practice. Like casual racism, it’s a custom that will die off as that generation does. And not before.
You can see the generation gap with the names of the First Ladies here.
The novel Trouble with Lichen (John Wyndham) mentioned a newspaper referring “chummily” to a public figure as “Mrs HerFirstName Surname” rather than “Mrs HisFirstName Surname” about 1960, so it was obviously in the process of changing then. When I first read it, I didn’t understand what it meant 