This is probably a simple question to those who know the answer, as so many are.
If a woman gets married and does not adopt her husband’s surname, can she be called Mrs.?
Say Jane Doe marries John Roe and calls herself Jane Doe as before. Presumably she can’t use Mrs. Roe, as Roe is not her name. But can she be Mrs. Doe? Or does this falsley imply that she is the wife of a guy named Doe?
I think this is why “Ms.” was invented.
If I had kept my maiden name, I would use Ms., not Mrs.
Mrs. implies you are married, but I don’t think it is used if a woman keeps her maiden name.
WAG on my part, but I assume a woman (Jane Doe) who keeps her own name would not want to be known as “Mrs. John Roe” anyway, so she wouldn’t want to use the Mrs. part.
well, since a woman who made it a point to keep her maiden name would be unlikely, I believe to USE “MRS.” in the first place…
she’d probably go for MS… :D:
There used to be fairly rigid rules (or ettiquette) regarding the use of Mrs. In your example, Jane Doe would have been Mrs. John Roe. Even Mrs. Jane Roe would have been considered incorrect.
I say that if she want to be Mrs. Doe or Mrs. Roe or Ms. Doe or whatever, it is her choice on how to be addressed. I’ve worked for a number of years in areas where the question of how to address people is important (fundraising and alumni affairs). My impression is that most people would now agree that the older rules are not adhered to as strictly.
This is an old etiquette rule that hopefully has been thrown out.
I have an old Garden-Club cookbook that was my grandmother’s and it lists the name of the member who sumbitted each recipe. They are all listed as “Mrs. John Smith”, “Mrs. David Brown”, “Mrs. Tom Johnson”, etc. , as if these women have no first name of their own and have no worth without their hubby’s name. Why not use “Mary Smith” and “Sally Brown” instead?
Kinsey:
I believe it was actually originally used in cases where the writer was unsure as to the woman’s marital status. But it came into widespread use in the wake of the feminist movement, as women did not want their title to depend on their marital status.
This is not “the rule,” (who makes them, anyway?) it’s my personal preference. I took my husband’s name, yet I prefer to be addressed as “Ms.” - This is just simpler to me, as well as more equitable. It requires no knowledge of my marital status, and acknowledges me as an individual person. Also, I always thought it was cracked that a man’s title gives no information about his marital status, but a woman’s did. WTF? It’s not anyone’s business anyway, so I say just use “Ms.”
This is not “the rule,” (who makes them, anyway?)
Miss Manners. And it most certainly is the rule. However, even the World’s Most Correct Human is willing to be flexible on occasion. 
Now then. The rule used to be (back around Elizabethan times) that a woman was respectfully addressed as “Mistress,” the feminine form of “Mister”, of which the modern “Mrs.”, “Miss”, and “Ms.” are all abbreviations. “Mistress” was appropriately used with a woman’s first name and last name, whether the latter originally belonged to her father or her husband.
The title “Mrs.” for a married woman, though, later acquired the meaning of “the wife of”: Mrs. John Doe, Mrs. Robert Browning. This had some curious side effects: a married woman being referred to in a business or professional rather than social context had to use her own first name but couldn’t use “Mrs.” with it, so she (somewhat confusingly) had to use “Miss”: Agatha Christie was referred to in early book reviews as “Miss Agatha Christie,” although Christie was her husband’s name. Also, a divorced woman couldn’t call herself “Mrs. John Doe” since she wasn’t married to him anymore, nor could she use “Mrs. Jane Doe”, but had to stick her maiden name in as a first name: “Mrs. Smith Doe”, “Mrs. Barrett Browning” (not that they ever divorced, of course).
This all became a royal pain in the derriere as divorce grew more common and middle-class women entered the working world in greater numbers. So a few decades ago feminists (and people who hated having to guess what an unknown woman’s marital status might be) started pushing the sensible solution of “Ms.”, to be used with whatever first and last names a woman wanted to use (her own names, that is: “Ms. John Doe” for a married woman is as incorrect as “Mrs. Jane Doe” used to be).
“Ms.” is now the correct default title for any woman whose marital status or preferred title is unknown. However, if she indicates a preference for a different title, with whatever combination of names, that overrides the default. The old rule about “Mrs.” = “wife of” has broken down and “Mrs. Jane Doe” is now acceptable.
That’s the rule, and it’s not really very complicated. Aren’t you more comfortable now, knowing what the official correct solution is for situations where you don’t know the individual’s preference? Wouldn’t Miss Manners be proud of you?
My husband took my name. As I hate the title Mrs. and never use it, I let him have all mail addresses to Mrs. no matter what first name they use. Although I prefer Ms. and fill out all forms specifying that title if any, all my mail comes with the title Mr.
FTR: There used to be the title “Master”, which referred to an unmarried man just like “Miss” referrs to an unmarried woman. Noone uses Master anymore, except the butler on The Fresh Prince of BelAire.
I thought that was a coming of age thing, not a marital status, which is why, I believe, the feminists were so ticked off by the miss/mrs issue, especially since the abbreviation for Master & Mister were the same.
Ok - off topic - anyone remember Captain Pugwash? <G>
For what it’s worth, I hate Ms & if I have already told the person (usually a company) that it is Miss or filled out one of those silly forms with Miss, I’ll happily return the mail stating why. It really bugs me that they can’t be bothered to listen, just as I expect a lot of people feel strongly about Ms.
Fi (there’s got to be a pun in here somewhere about missing the point - oh well…)
I’m the same way except I don’t use a title, which seems stilted to me. I’m not a Miss, Mrs. or Ms. I’m just me. On questionaires I usually cross out the title line, and if when filling out a computer form a title is required, I either don’t order from them or use “Reverend” or “Mr.” I then put in the message that I don’t use a title and please remove it. If stuff shows up with it wrong it stands out so I know they don’t give a rat’s ass.
Kimstu:
I believe this is actually incorrect, and that Mrs. actually does not stand for anything. Do you have any source?
I still think of Mrs. as meaning “the wife of” and don’t have a problem with that. I kept my own name, but still think it’s proper and appropriate to IDENTIFY me as Mrs. Cranky Spouse if yoi so choose, if it helps you sort out who it is I’m hitched with. As in, Michelle Pfeiffer is Mrs. David Kelly. It doesn’t mean she wants to be called Mrs. Kelly, or Michelle Kelly. It’s jurt verbal shorthand for “Is married to” or “is the wife of”
This is a minority viewpoint, however, as I found out on a usenet discussion when I about had my head ripped off my neck.
I also belong to a women’s organization and its not even a joke anymore to identify a husband as Mr. Wife’s Name. It’s sort of getting to be conventional. As in, David Kelly is Mr. Michelle Pfeiffer. At first it was funny (Hardee Har Har!) but then it got USEFUL. I don’t even smirk anymore.
Izzy, The Canadian Oxford Dictionary gives the etymology of Mrs. as “abbreviation of mistress.” Does that set your mind at ease?
matt_mcl:
Your concern about my mental state is greatly appreciated. Not only is my mind at ease, but my heart is warmed, just from knowing that you care.
And as for the facts, you are apparently correct. I looked at another dictionary and saw the same thing. So I retract my previous comment. (I am quite sure I once saw this somewhere, however. If I remember where, I’ll look it up.)
Miss Manners puts in an appearance in this recent article from Salon:
Who are you calling “Ms.”? Why have women suddenly rejected the politically charged courtesy title?
I say we bring back “Mistress” for all adult women, irrespective of marital status or dominatrix tendencies. “Mistress Kimstu.” I like it. Now, where did I put that whip?..
What burns me on this topic is people who can’t figure out how to address an envelope to us (I kept my own name). They still want to put “Mr and Mrs. His Hisname” (that is, if they bother to spell it right, which they usually don’t, though we’ve been married for 10 years and it’s not that hard a name to spell), or “His and Her Hisname/Hername” or some other godawful concoction. Here’s a novel idea: Just put both our names on it, like you did when we were living in sin.
His Hisname and Her Hername
address
or
His Hisname
Her Hername
address
There, now was that so hard?
(And, to answer the OP, if I must have a title, it’s Ms. Her Hername. Mrs. Hername is my mother. Mrs. Hisname is his mother [but she’s dead].)
Why, may I ask? Just curious.
(ok, I’m nosey!)