Let's design THE heart-unhealthy meal of all time!

I just found from my Doc that I’ve reduced my cholesterol from 296 to 147. And in the last 3 months I’ve lost 25 pounds, quit smoking, and drastically reduced my blood pressure. I’ve been fasting, exercising, craving smokes and being a good boy.

It’s time to splurge – I’ve earned it, dammit!

So, let’s say that, just for one meal, I get to cheat and eat the most unhealthy, cholesterol soaked, transfatty, evil stuff imaginable. What would be the most unhealthy meal for your heart that could be designed for one sitting?

Anyone have a “heart attack on a plate” to recommend? Help me be reckless, just this once!

An egg, bacon and cheese sandwich with donuts for bread and dipped in gravy?

Mmmmmmmm… donuts for bread…

The local diner serves pure cholesterol on a plate: 3 french toast wedges, 3 eggs, 3 sausage, 3 bacon. Yummy.

chili cheese dog. mmmmmm…

A lard pie! With Fried Pie dough!

Hmm, when writing the OP, I was thinking of:

“Breaded French Fried Shrimp and Pan Fried Beef Liver, Alfredo, over Hash Browns, ala Crisco ala mode.”

…but thought that wasn’t creative enough.

squeegee, I don’t have much to contribute to the thread, but after reading this-

I feel compelled to offer kudos on one of the more amazing accomplishments I’ve seen or heard of in a while. Seriously, congratulations, you must have the willpower of a freakin’ mongoose. Or a badger, or something. A lot of willpower.

Grilled cheese sandwiches, with REAL butter or bacon grease. Even better, fry up a few slices of bacon, drain most of the grease from the pan, and make grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches in the grease, adding more grease as necessary. If you still have leftover bacon grease, fry up some potatoes and onions in them.

Very delicious, and I’m not supposed to even THINK about this kind of stuff!

pasta alla carbonara, if made properly, is hard to beat – I believe it was once called “heart attack on a plate.” Cream, butter, bacon, cheese … mmmm. Wash it down with care au lait made with real cream, and have a dessert of cheesecake.

You’ve earned it!

Hey, thanks. You’re very kind.

I just got on a roll on the weight and smoking, and I humbly realize that these things can turn around quickly, I’m not nearly done with either issue. Cholestorol and BP were a combination of the weight loss and quitting smoking, respectively, plus Lipitor and Diovan from my doc. So I surely can’t claim all the credit myself.

But now it’s Squeegee’s Day off. Let’s pig.

I’m going to be a party pooper and suggest a long walk to someplace with a terrific view instead of the food reward.

I present, for your ventricular consideration…

Cream of Brie soup.

I highly suggest having a cardiologist present while eating this.

Wow, Lynn I have an admin designing killer meals for me? <swoon!!> :slight_smile: I like the grease-in-stuff-in-grease approach --nice!

Hmmm, I thought pasta alla carbonara was basically pasta + eggs+ bacon bits. Isn’t Alfredo much more lethal ? In fact, IIRC, the “Heart Attack” comment was made by CSPI in regards to Fettucini Alfredo:

Thanks, but… that’s been my reward since June, and I’ve taken that reward several times. But now I just want one day off, and then back to the mines. One meal, then I continue not smoking and eating right. mmKay?

I recommend either of these recipies from The Simpsons:

The Good Morning Burger
18oz ground beef patty
6-8 tbl. of rich creamy butter
8 stripes of bacon
4 slices of ham
3 fried eggs
sizzle the ground beef, bacon, ham, and eggs on the grill.
place the beef on a bun, the top with bacon, ham and eggs.
soak in butter.

Homer’ s Patented Space-Age Moon Waffles
1 package of caramel squares
2 cups waffle batter
1 bottle liqiud smoke
1 stick of butter
place caramel in the waffle iron
pour on waffle batter
add liquid smoke to taste
cook thoroughly
take the stick of butter and wrap the moon waffle around it
place it on a toothpic and serve
makes 1 unfortunate serving

Try either with a Flaming Moe. I hope you enjoyed life.

you’re right, I meant alfredo.

I already ate it…at a Springfield DopeFest.
A few mini-strokes since obliterated the exact names but the components still linger fondly what remains of my mind, not to mention intestional tract and arteries. It was Death On A Plate–and worth it. (Copious amounts of beer were involved.)

The Pony Shoe, or Sumpin’

  • a huge, heated white oval platter
  • an obscene amount of french fries
  • some honkin’ amount–metric, Kelvin, troy–of prime midwestern ground cow, cooked medium rare
  • lashings of some suave, butter-enriched, yummy white cheese goo dripped over top[/ul]

With plenty of salt strewn atop, and the Tabasco I cunningly carry along, it was the food of the gods.

Here, have some poutine!

Here, have some more.

[Ukulele Ike]

Cream of Butter Soup

More Cream of Butter Soup

Asparagus with Danish Butter

Artichokes with Melted Butter

Buttered Bread

Butter with Buttered Butter

Butter with Margarine

Pancakes with Butter

French Toast with Butter

French Margarine with Buttered Toast

Filet of Sole with Butter

Butterfish with Butter Sauce

Truffles Fried in Butter with Butter Sauce

Lobsters Garnished with Butter

Butter Garnished with Dungeness Crab Butter

Garnish of Butter with Iranian Sturgeon Caviar

Garnish of Iranian Caviar with Butter Fried Scrambled Eggs

Scrambled Eggs with Butter Fried Oysters

Swine on Buttered Horseback

Buttered Horseback with Swine

Buttered Swine with Horsemeat

Horsebutter with Swineback

Swinebutter with Buttered Horse

Pork butt with Filet of Butter

Filet of Butter with Porked Butt

Porked Butter with Filet of Margarine

Margarine a la Butter

Apple Butter with Margarine

Apple Margarine with Filet of Oleo

Oleo Cookies Dipped in Butter

Deep Fried Oleo Margarine Brick Coated by an Etouffé of Shrimp Paste en croute with a Shellac of Grasshopper Wing Muscles Parboiled in the Bouillabase of Saffron Infused Tea Smoked Peking Style King Crab Roe Wrapped in Mu Shu Pancakes of Scorched Teff Flour Dressed with Nighttime Nazgul Nesting Secretions Harvested by Eunuch Hummingbirds on the Fourteenth of March Subsequent to an Eclipse on the Third Saturday in a Leap Year’s Second Full Moon

[/Ukelele Ike]

Banana split for appetizer.

Big ugly greasy gyros for dinner.

A dozen creme filled Krispy Kreme donuts for desert.

Relax on the back porch with a chocolate banana malt.

Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse.

I’m sure it’s not tasty enough to be a good “reward meal”, but the subject line immediately made me think of the Swanson “Hungry Man” frozen breakfast. It’s >1000 calories just for a BREAKFAST! I see them in the freezer every time I go to the store, so I guess there is some kind of demand for them. I get sympathy angina pains for whoever it is that keeps buying that junk.