Q: Would your former employer recommend you for this job?
A: He will if he knows what’s good for him.
Q: What references do you have that are applicable to this position?
A: None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.
I like your style. I suspect that I’ll be cribbing this at some point. Not at a job interview of course, but still.
Q: What do you consider your biggest asset?
A: The pictures I have of your company’s CEO engaging in anonymous gay sex in a bus station men’s room.
Q: Why did you leave your last job?
A: I got tired of people trying to kill me.
Q: Why do you want to work here?
A: You guys are hiring and I got used to that whole ‘eating more than once a day’ thing.
I’ve actually said those two things.
vaguely recalled from a webcomic. The strip is dealing with interviews for an evil minion position in an army of the damned.
Q: Some of your co-workers have some habits you may find unsavory. Do you have a problem with eating other living things?
A: Not at all.
Q: What about individuals who only eat meat?
A: Shouldn’t be a problem.
Q: Splendid! How about species that only eat other sentient beings?
A: Hmmm…
Q: Does that sound like it would be a problem?
A: That sounds…
Q: Yes?
A: …delicious!
Q: Why do you want to work here?
A: I don’t.
Q: What’s your greatest weakness?
A: insert genitalia of choice
Q: What would you do if you found out that an employee had stolen from the company?
A: Ask them for a cut in exchange for silence, of course.
Q: Why did you leave your last job?
A: Oh, they were so touchy about me setting my last manager on fire.
Q: Any questions?
A: You wanna go smoke a j in the parking lot with me?
And to turn the tables, an actual exchange that took place during a job interview I had. To set the scene, it’s a Saturday afternoon, and instead of being upstairs in an office or something, we’re in the movie theater lobby. The manager is eating popcorn as he reads questions off a piece of paper.
Q: Can you tell me about a time you’ve needed to use teamwork to get something done?
A: Absolutely. Last summer-
Q: -Nah, I don’t actually need to hear about it, I just need to write down that you said yes.
A: …
Two things that really happened when I was interviewing applicants for a job.
(Partway through the intrview)
Me: You go to school ?
Him: Yes
Me: You live on Campus?
Him: I did but they kicked me out for smokin’ reefer.
Me: Oh…umm… well, we would do the same if ya did that here.
Him: Well, thats ok,don’t think I’d like workin here anyway.
This next one still makes me go 
Her: Would you mind if I got a snack?
(We had vending machines in our lobby)
Me: Umm…no go ahead(course I did mind and and already decided not to hire her…but what happend next was strange)
She grabs her purse and takes out a KFC box meal and starts eating it…during the interview!
Q: So you want to be the communication director at the American Jewish Committee. This will involve putting out our monthly newsletter; how are you at proofreading?
A: I’m a real grammar Nazi.
This really happened to me. I was the interviewee.
classic Family Guy:
I like the one from Don’t Be A Menace . . .
“Aye! I heard y’all niggas is hirin’!”
And then, interviewer:
"It says here your hobbies are drinking, smoking weed, and all types of ill shit . . . "
Q: What is your worst quality?
A: Really? Everyone knows “common” is the lowest quality people can make.
Q: Tell me about a time when you handled adversity.
A: Oh man, Al’gazalor’ithan the Fire Lord was a real pain to take down. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to destroy living fire that can reignite from its own ashes? Well, let me tell you…
Q: No, that’s okay, um… next question. How do you handle stress?
A: Well, first you have to research the proper spell “Solidify Emotion: Stress.” But handling it is difficult, you see, concentrated emotion can have tons of bad side effects. You need to first get a flask… on second thought this is easier to show than explain do you have any workers here I could show you with?
Q: No. We don’t. And we ask you do not try that, ever. Why did you leave your last job?
A: I wouldn’t call it a “job” so much as “independent problem and slaughter contractor.” I wasn’t hired per se…
Q: Wait, your resume says “Adventure Guild” what about that?
A: Oh, that? That was an inside job. I guess you could say I left it because there was no one else there in my… um… current state of vitality.
Q: What are your greatest strengths?
A: Well, I spend inordinate amounts of time pumping up my arcane spellcasting, so probably that.
Q: Uh… okay, what about weaknesses.
A: I’d say fire and bug types, you don’t have any giant flying bees with needles for hands around here do you?
Q: Um… no. Anyway, For contact information you wrote “concentrate the energy of five mortals around an altar with a sacrificed squirrel while chanting my name and looking into a bowl of water,” care to elaborate?
A: Man, I didn’t think I could get more clear than that, it means exactly what it says.
Q: Okay, uh, last question. So why should we hire you over the other candidates?
A: FOOL! The mere cosmos bends at my whim! Physics are a mere joke in my eyes, these other knaves do not have one-tenth the power I do in my pinky. Whether you choose to or not, my superior grasp over reality will ensure that some day, some time, you will hire me, whether it is by your own whim or mine I cannot say. Throw smoke bomb and jump out window, pray window is on first floor
This is like a game they play on ‘Mock the Week’
Edit: Best bit: 1.07 (NSFW)
Q: What is your greatest weakness?
A: I tend to pick at my blackheads.
Do you have any medical issues?
Naked narcaleptic sleepwalking.
Actual job interview exchange:
Me, the interviewer: What would you do if you saw some trash on the floor of the lobby?
Slack-jawed interviewee: Tell the secretary to clean it up.
Q: So, why are you interested in this position.
A: Look, I don’t really know what exactly you “do” here. I’m just interested in hunting brown people.
Phone interview:
Q: What are you wearing right now?*
A: Whatever you want, mister. It’s your dime.**
*Actual interview question.
**What my father suggested I should have replied.
Those aren’t odd socks, I have another pair just like them at home.
Q: Would you take your paycheck as a direct deposit into your bank account, or would you like it mailed to your home?
A: Do you know if the casino down the street will cash it? I could just pick it up when I come in to the office.