In the latest TV Guide is a comic strip making fun of the recent fad for prequels (Smallville,Enterprise), by suggesting new prequel TV shows. One of them was “Welcome, Kotter” (before he came back…before he ever left); another was “The Prairie” (before there was a Little House…before humans even evolved).
I know a good idea when I see one, so let’s run with it. Here are my contributions:
Unhappy Days: A young Mr. C and Marion weather the Depression in Milwaukee. Arnold owns the local speakeasy.
Crossing Hill Street: The future Captain Furillo puts on his first vest as a traffic cop.
The Bings: See the dysfunctional family history that led to Chandler growing up to sleep with his Friends.
The Many Cooties of Dobie Gillis: When he still thought girls were icky.
The Minnow - Join the Skipper and his incompetent first mate as they pander to tourists on 3-hour tours (angle: each week a mini Love Boat).
The Tyler Bunch - Join Carol and her three daughters as they try to make a single-mother household work. Keep your eye on that cute Mr. Brady next door.
Sanford and Family - Join Fred, 'Lizbeth, and their kid Lamont as we catch a glimpse of a up and coming urban household.
Psych! – the life and times of Frasier Crane, Psych Major.
Gilligan’s Pier – Watch as The Skipper and Gilligan try to run a charter boat business. Wacky hijinx, of course, ensue.
I Date Lucy: Enjoy the hijinks as a wacky redheaded co-ed continually scares off dates until a Cuban exchange student tells her what “BWAAAAAAA!” means in Spanish.
Batboy: The bathetic story of a young Bruce Wayne being brought up by his butler, Alfred. For some reason his favorite halloween costume is Dracula.
…and in the tradition of Muppet Babies come Batman Babies a baby Bruce Wayne battle a rogues gallery of baby villians in the nursery.
A real prequel: Enterprise II: The story of the 18th century crew of the sailing ship Enterprise. Wasn’t the captain during the American revolution named Kirk?
Two’s Company:
The hillarious antics of Chrissy and Janet scrounging up first and last month’s rent and damage deposit, then shopping for fashionable avacado green and burnt orange crushed velvet furniture.
The Dukes of Spooner
Set before they moved to Hazzard, cousins Bo and Luke spend their early childhood in Spooner, Wisconsin trying in vain to jump Holstiens over partial bridges.
That-Change-In-Life Girls
Set before “Golden Girls”, comedy abounds as the crew deal with hot flashes and osteoparosis.
Big E: Another Enterprise prequel, set aboard the USS Enterprise in World War II. Kind of a “Black Sheep Squadron” aboard a carrier.
Not-Too-Distant-Futurama: the adventures of clueless pizza boy Frye, before being trapped in suspended animation and waking up in the future…
The Henry Jones Adventures: The adventures of absent-minded archaeologist Henry Jones,his fiancee who insists that any son they have will be named Henry Jr, and their dog, Indiana.
Nearscape: Cocky fighter pilot John Crichton decides that maybe he’ll try to become an astronaut…
Kahless!: Another Star Trek prequel, follow the adventures of Kahless the Unforgettable in medieval Klingon society…swords, magic and Klingons - what more could one ask?
Hardcastle and McDonalds
A twenty-year-old Judge Hardcastle’s adventures working his way through law school in a variety of menial jobs.
3-2-1 Cooties!
The crew of PBS’ educational show 3-2-1 Contact, only ten years earlier. Highlights include a time-lapse film showing the assembly of the stage and lighting for a “Paul Revere and the Raiders” concert and a “The Bloodhound Gang” serial featuring “The Mystery of the Magnetic Moodring”.
Also these minor entries:
Even Smaller Wonder Sex and the Honda Civic Caroline in the Cirvix Gimmie a Job!
Doogie Howser, B.S. Watch the 10-year-old take the MCAT, struggle to get into Princeton, and catch up on Saturday morning cartoons all at the same time!
Hello, Cousin Larry The adventures of a strait-laced Chicagoan who lives a perfectly normal life, occasionally getting a Christmas card sent from a non-existent but real-sounding Greek island.
Klawicki’s Soda Shop (aka “Who’s My Daddy?”) The adventures of Staci Keanan & her single mother (who likes to sleep around) down at Dick Butkus’s ice cream parlor.
The Cop of Six Words [sup]*[/sup] Undercover policeman Michael Long, who only speaks six words per episode and is killed while on assignment in the series finale.
[sup]*[/sup] The idea for “Knight Rider” reportedly came from Brandon Tartikoff, who joked about a show where the leading man merely needed to be handsome and let his car do all the talking.
Come along on their goofy adventures as Guy Williams and June Lockhart get lost on their way to the space pad in Florida. See them fight off purple swamp monsters made of felt as they trek through the Everglades. See the roadside motel where Mark Goddard and Marta Kristen met. You’ll have a ringside seat as fights break out between Billy Mumy and Angela Cartwright. And guess who’s stowed away in the back of the station wagon. That’s right. None other than Jonathan “Oh-The-Pain-The-Pain” Harris.
Hawkeye: The quiet life of Ben Pierce, a family practitioner in Crabapple Cove, Maine. Laughs ensue when Ben’s neighbor, Lester, contiually interrups Ben with a hearty “Hey neighbah!”
The Pablum Years: Follow Kevin Arnold as he learns to crawl, walk, and “make potty like a big boy”.
Corporal Kangaroo: Watch as Kangaroo hides his pets, Bunny and Moose-calf, from his parents. See the look on his face when he accidentally walks in on his mom “practicing” with ping-pong balls.
My Mama the Gorilla: See young Tarzan get picked on, tormented, and generally have the bejeezus beaten out of him on a daily basis by the other gorillas. Regularly rescued by his “mother”. He overcomes his shortcomings by learning that he can throw his feces with greater accuracy than any of the neighborhood simians.
Lenny: The beat-cop SLOWLY working his way to becoming a NYC police detective. Along the way he has shady partners, questionable judgement, a recurrent drinking problem and THREE wives.
