Sled race
Chris Pontias vs Chris Lowell
Jack Chick vs. a Jesuit scholar
inspired by the OP
Me vs a university physics exam 
Live from CNN, in what may be our last transmssion: (wheeze) doctors have yet to find any cure to the latest drug-resistant strain of Martian flu (hack hack), and all attempts of containment seem to have failed. Our most recent attempts to create a (wheeze, hack) bacteria-free bunker to preserve humanity have been compromized by some folks who were angry that it didn’t include enough of their racial/national/sexual preference group. (Gasp! urk urk thud… blank screen…)