Who Would Win In a Fight Between ...


One person suggests a potential match up.

The next decides who would win, gives a rationale for their decsion, then posts the next match up.

First up:

Who would win in a fight between Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth?

Aunt Jemima since she is a human being. Mrs. Butterworth is a bottle of syrup that is maybe twelve inches tall. Jemima has height, weight, and reach all in her favor.

Now Uncle Ben’s (the rice guy) vs. Chef Boyardee.

Uncle Ben would win. Boyardee is fat and out of shape. Unless it’s a knife fight. Don’t take on a chef in a knife fight.

Garfield vs. Heathcliff

By your own reasoning, Heathcliff.

Bruce Wayne vs James Bond

Aunt Jemima, hands down. She looks like the type who’d whup Tom’s* ass with a broom for daring to enter the kitchen!

*Of T&J fame.

Uncle Ben vs Chef Boy-ar-dee? Chef, no question: “What, you gonna bring a knife to a gunfight? Hokay!”

Next: Captain Peter Peachfuzz vs Mr Big.**

**Of R&B fame.

James Bond. Neither Bruce Wayne nor Batman is a cold-blooded assassin.

Heathcliff. Garfield is just a fat and lazy meatloaf, kind of like my own cat.

Khan Noonien Singh vs Paul Atreides

Blade Runner Replicants vs Battlestar Galactica Cylons

The Marx Brothers vs The Three Stooges

Klingons vs Sontarans

Cthulhu vs Godzilla

I like these kind of VS threads, but are we actually going to treat these semi seriously, or just throw out random silly ideas and then move on?

The Marx Brothers because the Three Stooges would be too busy smacking each other.
Nude match between The Donald v. Melania

Donald might be older, but he’s taller and has the weight advantage. His wife is a model, so while healthy, probably isn’t putting on muscles to defend herself. Donald wins but it would be close.

Goku vs. Superman :D:D:D

Eventually Goku. As he’s about to lose to Superman he evolves to Super Duper Ooper Saiyan 14 to be just a tad stronger than Superman and then they continue the fight in the next episode.

Wesley Crusher vs. Sheldon Cooper

Wesley crushes Sheldon. Wesley serves on a war-ship he has to at least KNOW how to make a fist. Sheldon goes fetal at a sneeze.

Flash Gordon vs. Buck Rogers.

Buck Rogers can fly, Flash can’t. And Buck has the edge on weaponry. So no contest there.

Next up: lion vs tiger. Please provide at least 50 cites to support your answer.


50+ cites for tiger and 50+ cites against lion.

Thatcher v. Reagan, but neither with weapons.

Thatcher wins. Reagan can’t hit a woman, and Thatcher goes right for the goolies.

R2D2 vs Chewbacca.

Chewbacca. But only because R2 Lets the Wookie Win.

Malcolm Reynolds vs Han Solo

Han Solo, because he shoots first, dammit.

Alf vs Mork.