Let's populate the abyss !

In My Humble Opinion
1

If I remember my D&D manuals correctly, there’s 666 layers in the Abyss. I’ve seen sufficient violations that I feel it’s necessary to start populating the layers.

Or, to quote Big Trouble in Little China, “The Chinese have a lot of hells, Jack.”

So, I consign to layer 245, those who drink the last cup of office coffee and don’t make more.

To layer 142, I consign those who don’t flush.

Layer 436 gets the shlock lawyers who file class-action lawsuits where the plaintiffs receive a check for $1.47 and the law firm makes $2.6 million in “expenses”.

…feel free to add your own…

2

Layer 482 I consign my nack of misinterpreting threads, layer 529 dogs who bark, layer 528 owners who leave their dogs in small enclosed terraced-housing style yards, layer 1 the confusion over whether 1-666 = worse-better or vice-versa.

3

Layer 87 - People who don’t rewind videos
Layer 104 - People who scream at their kids in public
Layer 105 - People whose kids need to be screamed at but aren’t
Layer 328 - People who take the handicapped parking space
Layer 499 - People who take too many items to the express lane
Layer 607 - People who never offer to buy the next round

4

Layer 12 - Neighbors who play mariachi music (with heavy bass) at all hours of the day and night

Layer 24 - The Far Left

Layer 25 - The Far Right

Layer 166 - The Dogmaticly Certain

5

Good insights, all around. But level 47 belongs to those Star Trek fans who are too into it for their own good. You know the type.

6

Level 661: People who are illiterate and proud of it.
Level 665: Adult who throw tantrums when they don’t get their way.
Level 15 : People who take 5 minutes to pay for one item
Level 147: Psychotic slumlords

7

Level 225: Drunk drivers
Level 226: Shitty movie directors (like Sophia Coppola)
Level 227: Marla Gibbs (get it?)

8

I call level 666 for myself!

9

Layer 8 - Mark Burnett

Layer 518 - People who overuse cliches

10

624: Book burners, bowlderizers, and the guys who dub in lines like “forget you!” and “oh junk!” on broadcast and basic cable versions of movies.

650: People who piss me off, personally.

449: Twits, Gits, Dips, and Tools.

251: Network programming—well, pretty much everyone involved in TV programming.

381: Frank Stallone.

11

Level 683 - People who are incapable of following simple directions.

12

In 2Ed it was revised to an estimate, and in 3Ed it was changed to infinite layers.

254: people who hold the metro doors.
278: gay bashers.
498: people who misuse their, there, and they’re.

13

Matt, you just made me shudder. I mis-read your post as “… infinite lawyers.” Hell, indeed! :smiley:

14

The D&D nerd in me requires me to say that there are more than 666 layers in the Abyss, the number is purely symbolic. This is according to the Planescape game setting.

Layer 522 is for nitpickers.

Layer 52 is for the Baltimore Ravens and their fans. :wink:

Layer 333 is for those who can’t commit the whole way (on any subject.)

Layer 7 is filled with SDMB trolls.

15

According to D&D canon, certain layers are already defined. To wit:

1 – Pazunia, is a vast arid desert full of deep pits. Clearly this is where Hollywood movies are conceived.

6 – Realm of a Million Eyes is the beholder goddess – there are eyes everywhere. I hope this is where people who work government surveillance (RCMP anti-protest operatives, Homeland Security types, and their equivalents in other countries).

23 – **The Icy Wastes ** is “a bitterly cold plane of miles-deep ice”. Clearly the final resting place of evil Winnipegers and citizens of Churchill, Manitoba.

45, 46, and 47 – the Realm of Azzagrat , kindom of Graz’zt, king of deception and seduction. It is in those dark pits that Public Relations strategies are bred.

66 – **The Demonweb Pits ** – home to Lolth the Spider Queen, the Elven Satan. For people who write really bad Legolas fanfiction.

74 – Smargard is a jungle layer of a snake god. Can’t think who I’d throw there, so we’ll designate it miscellaneous – i.e., anyone who annoys me on a given day.

88 – Abysm is the layer of Demogorgon, lord of dark knowledge and insanity. I throw anyone who quotes Foucault or Derrida in there.

113 – Thanatos is a grand city of the undead, pupulated, I strongly suspect, by supporters of Lyndon LaRouche.

222 – **The Slime Pits ** are home to Jubilex, King of Oozes, and Zuggotmoy, Lady of Fungi. I consign the souls of many sentient beings here the rare occasions I have time to do the dishes.

348 – The Fortress of Indifference, home to everyone who doesn’t vote, where they will be consigned to listen to Lyndon LaRouche speeches for all eternity broadcast from Thanatos.

489 – The Noisome Vale, home to that popular tourist attraction, the River of Worms. I can’t think who to put there, so I’ll let anyone who wants it have it.

16

371 - The word ‘gotten’

17

:: wonders where 6 6 6 is ::

Anyway, I maintain that my original consignment to level 47 of Star Trek fans who do not separate fiction from reality is consistent with Hamish’s definition of that level.

18

I’m still wondering who we should hurl into the River of Worms on level 449? Anne Coulter? Fred Phelps?

19

So I’m reading the boards, and I see a thread entitled “Let’s populate the abbess”, and it really made me sit up and take notice…

20

69 – People with an over-developed sense of vengence, damned to an eternity of fencing and oral sex. What? It could get old! After a reeeeally, reeeeally long time…