We’ve played the Dopeville game where we put ourselves in our own little town, Mayored aptly by Unka Cecil. Let’s put together our town speckled and spotted with characters from TV.
I’m sitting here in Westfield Park.Around me I see a few buildings, and folks in the park.
West Law Offices
All the work is done by Mac (Night Court) and Didi Conn (Benson) but the cases are argued by Tommy (LA Law) and Katherine Manhiem (The Practice)
West Community Center
A combination YMCA and United Way. Lotsa of different services are avalible.
Craig Nelson (Coach) Heads up the gym
Newhart (70’s Newhart) and the Crane Bro’s (Fraiser) offer psychological services
West Senior Center
Filled to the brim with older folks. A hotbed of gossip and facts. Our favorite regulars include
Edward Woodward (The Equalizer)
Miss Marple
West Police Station
Keeping the neighborhood safe and insane is a real job. Our station is manned by some of the best.
Mick Belker (Hill Street Blues)
Andy Sipowitz
Briscoe and Green (Law & Order)
Folks wandering around the park are awsome neighbors! They include
Heddy Wainthrop (H.W. Investigates)
Mr. Rodgers
William the Bayliff (Texas Justice)
Socks (Former First Cat)
Of course, there are unsavories who’d I’d like to Keep Out. I’m sure these are some perfectly nice folks, but you can understand my desire.
Jerry Springer
Al Bundy (Married With Children)
Jessica Fletcher (Murder She wrote)
Kirk the Jerk (Dear John)
Dan Fielding (Night Court)
We needs lots of folks to fill in. Who’d teach at the school? Who’d treat your booboos? Who’d head the Dective agency? We need a good Mayor (I Guess that leaves Spin City right out!) and an even better Prosecutor. Who’s living in your neighborhood?
Mayor: Mayor McCheese
Detective: Angel Investigations (someone is going to say David and maddie from Moonlighting. Well, just don’t.)
Prosecutor: Don Cheadle’s character from Picket Fences
You have it backwards. Mayor McCheese has always had a beef with Quimby, ever since Diamond Joe put a bun in the oven of Mrs McCheese. Eventually, the McCheeses got divorced, but not before Mrs McCheese sued Mayor McCheese for support of their daughter, (yep…) Patty.
Ah, thank you Casey, I had some sinus blockage, but trying not to laugh while I’m supposed to be working cleared that right up.
Since the town will probably fill up quickly with Doctors and Lawyers, let’s try some more mundane positions:
Pyle’s Auto Shop, manned by Goober (Andy Griffith show)
Brady Architecture Firm
Rupert Giles as head of the Westville public library.
Mr. Hooper’s General store, I want somewhere to get my dill pickle ice cream sundae with sardines on top. Heck, can we just add the whole of Sesame street?
A combination coffee house/movie theater run by Lana Lang.
At the center of town, have a big clock tower. I’m not sure if it’s inhabited by three crime-fighting chicks, or Darkwing Duck, but every town needs a clock tower.
And then there’s VanDelay Industries, the latex factory just outside town.
(oh, and are you banning Jessica Fletcher because of the odd way people end up dying wherever she visits?)
Jeannie to teach the kindergarten kids. She’s perky enough for the job, & insofar as Kindergarten teaching is as simple as herding cats, it’s a good thing she’s a miracle worker.
The Photomat booth is owned & operated by Jimmy Olson.
Bob Newhart is the local psychiatrist, & also runs the Bed & Breakfast.
Howard Cunningham runs a hardware store.
Local mechanic–Arthur Fonzrelli.
The radio station–owner Baily Quarters
—DJ Dr. Johnny Fever
And in his new career as Radio Engineer
–Walter “Radar” O’Reilly.
I think Goober (from above) and Cletus from the Dukes of Hazzard should share the shop. Cletus looks like he is more handy with a wrench and should go over and break Fonzie’s kneecaps.
Bo Duke (Dukes of Hazzard again) as the town scoundrel and moonshiner who has been teaching his flannel wearing son (Clark Kent) the ways of a farmboy. Clark always seems to be around where there is trouble, but no one suspects that he has anything to do with the local stills (aka hillbilly methlabs) exploding.
The cast of friends tend to show up at inopportune times only to meet wtih an untimely and painful death. Fortunately it is quick so we don’t have to waste airtime on them. Unfortunately, they get resurrected into even more lifeless and innane zombies to return again. No one ever feels guilty for killing them either, in fact most people feel a perverse pleasure in killing Rachel and Ross.
hmbrglr is unable to fulfill the duties of Mayor, as he is still recuperating at Rampart from a vowel ressection. He should be on his feet in a few days…
Casey, my Gawd it has been years since I’ve heard mention of Emergency! I had the meanest crush on Randolf Mantooth. snicker that Mayor thing iza work o’ geenyus. Had me giggling fer awile. Good show
Alex Keaton at a bank? Obviously his talents are needed at the local G.O.P. If Jed Bartlet (West Wing) showed up, he’d give him a run for the roses I tell you.
Heck yes we have a clock tower. A big ugly guy lives there. He’s been seen with an old guy with a used Delorean. I stay away.
Additional employees at the newspaper may include. Ray Ramono (Everybody Loves Raymond), Dave Barry (Dave), and Dad (8 simple rules)
Antique store run by…(Sorry I can’t help myself, They’re so cute) The Keno Twins (Antiques Roadshow)
Flo is still around? OMG. I guess Roseanne Connor (Rosanne) should work with her. I can imagine they’d get on well, and she could use a decent job.
Twixter Rose Deangalo? (As The world Turns) There has got to be a beauty school graduate somewhere. Wasn’t there one on That 70’s show?
Additional staffing at Rampart. Gonzo Gates (Trapper John MD)
How about the Lodge? Possum or Water Buffalo? Honestly, I don’t know if I want Fred Flintstone or Red Green living nearby. Trouble follows them almost as much as Jessica.
Is that Cifford the big red dog (PBS) coming this way? Run! before you get washed away in the slobber tsunami
Nurse Carmen, at least I stopped before I mentioned that hmbrglr’s problem started when he became inconsonant…
…or that he was sharing a room with Mr. Clean, who has a nasty case of ammonia.
Thank you, you’ve been a wonderful audience. The 9:00 show is completely different than the 7:45 show. Don’t forget to tip your bartenders and your waitresses. Thank you and enjoy the veal!
