The SDMB community has grown and changed so much since I posted this thread a couple of years ago that I thought I’d revive it, for our new and vital community—A Great Place to Live and Work! Cecil is our Mayor, Ed Zotti his deputy; the mods hold various government posts (to be grabbed up as they choose). In our town square stands a memorial statue to Wally, shortly to be joined by the statue of Poopah Chalupa, currently under construction. Once a year, we all gather in the town square and sing our town anthem (with apologies to Betty Comden and the late Adolph Green):
In Dopeville by the sea,
Where love and laughter live eternally.
In Dopeville by the hill,
Where gondolas go gliding by the mill
Tropical nights—festival lights
Strudel for two at the midnight bullfights.
In Dopeville, lovely Dopeville
Where the flying fishes play
Where the schnitzel is high as an elephant’s eye
And the skies are not cloudy all day.
Come to Dopeville with me—
Liebchen! By the sea—Olé!
In Dopeville by the sea
Where all the world’s in love with gay Paree
In Dopeville on the shore
Where Geisha girls keep coming back for more
We’ll live in style, gold by the pile
Goulash for two as we barge down the Nile.
In Dopeville, lovely Dopeville
Where the corn and 'taters grow!
In our sweet home sweet home all the roads lead to Rome,
So, my darling, let’s hurry and go!
Come to Dopeville with me—
Liebchen! By the sea—Olé!
I am the town’s appalled dowager. I write the Society Column for the Dopeville Gazette, and show up at charity bazaars and balls, so I can glare through my lorgnette and go, “well, really!” I also hold my Tuesday Night Salon, up in my mansion on the hill, where Dopers gather to practice their snappy retorts and smart wisecracks.
I’m the town’s friendly bear. I like to be fed cookies and given beer to drink. I especially like it when big, burly, hairy, sweaty men are feeding me cookies and giving me beer to drink. If they’re naked while doing it, all the better. I’m also house trained. It’s been almost two weeks since I peed on anybody’s carpet.
I live in the tastefully decorated cave located at the end of Elm Street. You know the one. The mailbox is made out of old beer cans.
No, no, no, dears. You, Vanilla, for instance, might run the daycare center at the Dopeville Born-Again Church and Bingo Hall, or Gorgon, you might [quickly reading his profile] be the hard-drinking photog for the Gazette.
C’mon, people, use some imagination and populate our little toen!
Of course I still own and run the local diner/cafe. Open early in the mornings and close early in the evenings. Just your normal gossip hangout with good ole fashioned home-cooked meals.
I teach, of course. Science and math in the Middle School. My classes are so engaging, I don’t have the usual insanity that rules the classrooms of this age group.
My little house has a darling garden, neat and tidy, thanks to my studly live-in gardener [sub]who, incidentally, is constantly shooing away the pesky bear[/sub] and there are always yummy things baking, thanks to my studly live-in cook. I ride thru town in my shiny car driven by my studly live-in chauffeur.
I run a game store, selling Magic cards (aka crack for gamers) and little tiny men made of metal. At night, I host D&D games or the local branch of the American Recorder Society.
I’ll be the Spanish teacher (who has the same type of engaging classes as FCM).
I spend my time pretty much equally between the library, school, home, and the coffeehouse/bookstore, where I work part time, mostly for the employee discounts.
I’ll be the town’s veterniarian, if there’s nobody more qualified. IRL, there’s just the teeny little problem of 5.5 more years of school. If there’s a real vet among us who can obviously do a better job than me, I want to be the keeper of a makeshift zoo on the edge of town where all the animals are the happiest creatures in the world.
I will be spending a lot of time in the bookstore which has appeared upon preview.
I own the town bookstore. Call me a snob, but my shelves are laden with interesting books on politics, history, science, film history (of course!) and great novels. And because Dopers are my custom, I also carry the complete works of JRR Tolkein and The Onion. Nary a Danielle Steele book to be found, but comfy chairs and couches are in great abundance.
Politziana is my employee. She has an excellent employee discount.
I’m not local*, just a resident alien, but I quite like it here. I’m hoping for a green card soon, to match my green skin. Until then, I don’t have a proper job do I spend a lot of time sitting on a rocking chair outside the general store, chewing the fat and spitting.
By the way, we know the population but what’s the elevation?
obligatory League of Gentlmen reference. I assume the local shop is run by Tubs & Edward for local people?.
You name a living band, I’ll try to find a way to get them, even if you’re the only one who’ll attend. I also bartend on the weeknights, because a girl’s gotta keep busy, ya know.
And Rebound Guy, AKA Loverboy can be our resident emcee for comedy night, once he registers on the boards. (I’ve almost got him sucked in…)
(I’ve almost got him sucked in…)