If Gorgon is the photographer of the Gazette then I suppose I’m the publisher.
It’s free to all citizens as long as the local businesses support us with ads. If advertising falls off then we’re going up to 50 dollars a year.
That makes me Eve’s boss, too. Heh heh heh
I’m the town manager. I manage the bureacracy that keeps the streets clean, gets the trash picked up, protects the citizens from the vandal hordes, and issues dog (and bear) tags. I also happen to be smuggling from the public accounts and banging my secretary on my desk during lunch. I’ve got pictures of the mayor and the moderators in compromising positions, so I’ll have no trouble from them as I grow fat and happy while sucking at the public teat.
I like government work.
When I moved to town a couple of years back, nobody could figure out what I did. I never seemed to work, was seen around at odd hours, and often had a somewhat dazed expression on my face.
As it turns out, I’m a novelist. I came to Dopeville for the peace, quiet, and the low rents on positively charming little houses, and haven’t left, except for that little book tour last year, since.
I spend a lot of time at Kyla’s bookstore, and have been known to pester Vanilla with bizarre questions about alchemy, history, and light planes. I’m frequently found in the little park near the center of town, sitting at one of its many scenically-placed picnic tables, tapping away on my laptop. My main regret in life is that my battery only lasts about an hour and a half anymore.
I am the town pornstar.
I teach belly dancing at the local community center in the evenings. I’m sure my costumes give Eve plenty of opportunity to go “Well, really!”
During the day, I program for local companies. Or maybe the town hall.
Well, really!
Town character #1
I’m the guy you always see at the local diner, and at the corner tavern. I’m usually alone, but occassionally seen with people of questionable character. You don’t know who I am or what I do, but I’m a fixture in this town. I attend all the parades, fires and car accidents, and am always drinking something from a brown paper bag. If I had a name, you would guess it to be Gus, Johnny, or Smokey.
Gotta go skulk down the street now…
I’m fairly new in town, moved here to get away from the hustle and bustle of Real Life. By day, I’m a cat-sitter and silversmith, hoping to open a combination jewelry store/pet grooming salon soon. I moonlight as a nightclub singer; my gimmick is the enticing mysteriousness of my name. I encourage local gossip about what exactly that asterisk stands for, because it’s good for business.
Smootches,
Kn*ckers
I am the town Clerk, keeping the records of the Town Council, quaintly called the Illuminati.
I run the town’s Occult Shoppe. When people want an odd curio or something a little more sober and useful, they come to me.
I’m the zookeeper. More Marlin Perkins than Steve Irwin, though. I spend a lot of time out of town, off in the jungle in search of everything from crocodiles to flamingos to caterpillars to butt-breathing turtles.
Bosda, quit posting to message boards during work hours. Now get back to work…or not, I don’t care, I’m going to take the Town Credit Card and go to Vegas for a weekend. Hookers, booze, and craps are all on me (and the good people of Dopeville).
Hey, can I be an exhibit in the zoo? Or the museum?
No, but you’d make a boffo front page human (or not) interest story.
Smile for Gorgon’s camera!
Every town needs a torturer and judicial executioner. If that sort of thing is frowned upon in Dopeville, I’ll just be the vigilante.
Let’s see…I’m the bookish tax preparer/auditor who has been here for three years, but you only see me when you need your taxes done. Other times, I can be found at the local coffeehouse/bookstore or at 80s alternative night at the Skerri’s nightclub.
Oh, yeah. And although I’m bookish and shy, I have frightening road rage. But all Dopers drive perfectly, so I have that in check now. 
I’ll run the local coffeeshop. I provide nothing but the best in coffee, with vast variety. I’ll fill the place with comfy couches and big poofy chairs, and you can rent cards and boardgames at the counter should you be so inclined. We’re open 24 hours for all your conversation and caffeination needs.
I, of course, am the town librarian. It’s in an old Carnegie library building, with plants, squishy chairs and a resident cat. I may, at times, wear a bun and glasses, but I also have a tattoo and can code a Web site like nobody’s business. Stereotypes be damned!
The Dopeville Public Library has an wonderful Web site- extraordinary for a town of this size, with remote-access databases, 'Net links, and Reader’s Advisory information. Between google and my stack of reference print sources, I can answer nearly every reference question, run storytime, and still ensure that the shelves are stocked with Good Books. We also have a few PC’s with Internet access for residents to use.
I live with my husband in a nice little bungalow just on the outskirts of Dopeville, and I like to have coffee in the cafe in the mornings before the library opens, so I can catch up on the news.
Cricket (who’s going to mosey over to Kyla’s bookstore on her lunch hour to see if Kyla has the newest Sarah Waters…)
I shall be the town’s colourful Empress. A deluded lady who feels the town is her empire, and all within her subjects. Townspeople do not object, and even refer to me as “Empress”.
Can I be the town Postmaster? Not that I really like mail or anything, I’m just nosey. I like to know who gets the good porn.
(I think Kn(note the lack of fancy coding this time)ckers should run the lingerie shop. Then the “*****” could be an “i” or an “o” and it still works. If it’s an “a” she can run the soapworks I guess. “E”, “u” and sometimes “y” present more problems.)
-Rue. (lick yer own stamp, bay-bee)