Sure, it was tedious, but that’s only because the show’s producers were complete idiots. The fundamental appeal of the show was hot chicks in skimpy costumes fighting it out within the Batman milieu. The show gave us hot chicks in frumpy costumes, not doing a lot of fighting, and not with a lot of Batman-milieu characters. All you have to do is put the hot chicks in hot, skimpy outfits, have them brawl with the bad guys two or three times an ep, and have Batman bad guy and gals show up regularly. Oh, sure, good writing would help, too, but if you don’t understand the show’s basic appeal to play on it, you aren’t capable of writing a good script anyway.
Sure, it was tedious, but that’s only because the show’s producers were complete idiots. The fundamental appeal of the show was hot chicks in skimpy costumes fighting it out within the Batman milieu. The show gave us hot chicks in frumpy costumes, not doing a lot of fighting, and not with a lot of Batman-milieu characters. All you have to do is put the hot chicks in hot, skimpy outfits, have them brawl with the bad guys two or three times an ep, and have Batman bad guy and gals show up regularly. Oh, sure, good writing would help, too, but if you don’t understand the show’s basic appeal sufficiently well to play on it, you aren’t capable of writing a good script anyway.
Well, actually, the idea for this thread came about when I was watching some old adventure series on tape and thinking how much better they were than the current crop of crap on TV, what with their plots and characters and locations and such.
Speaking of which, those Andy Sidaris softcore movies with huge-breasted Playmates carrying huge guns and fighting it out with bad guys in Hawaii come to mind as a natural for a guy’s channel. “Hard Hunted,” “Hard Ticket To Hawaii,” things of that nature.
I acknowledge the hotness of the actresses involved; however, the shows were so bloody awful that I simply couldn’t watch them. So, for most, if not all, of the how-wimmin shows, they definitely need to be re-dubbed to be funny. Think What’s Up Tigerlilly or Kung Faux. Hell, even adding fart noises would be a huge improvement for most of the shows listed so far. 
In addition to what’s listed—although I could do without the cars-for-regular-guys shows—nekkid wimmin doing the news would be good, especially if it was good news. I’d be a lot less likely to throw a brick through my television if it was nekkid wimmin telling me about the latest events in the middle east & whatnot.
Indeed, good intelligent programming involving nekkid wimmin would be great, IMHO. The can’t find beautiful women capable of doing a good nature show in the buff? Please.
If we wanted to be inclusive, we could add a naked guy to the ensembles: three hotties and a stud running in terror from a charging rhino would crack me up. But that’s just me, I guess, 'cos I’m all about tolerance & shit. And the shrinkage jokes would be worth a lot of mileage.
So does being a REAL guy exclude being a real THINKING guy? If Birds of Prey had just been one chick-brawl after another, it would’ve been boring. As it stood, BOP was doubly flawed for implying it was cutting-edge even as it fell back on the simplistic old clichés. There was already girl-fu on TV with Buffy and Xena - BOP was just an ill-defined mess, and that wouldn’t have been made more tolerable by skimpier costumes - it simply would have dragged it out longer.
In fact, watching Grayson helped me articulate all the things that had left me unsatisfied about BOP, though a detailed comparison is really left to a separate thread.
Already done in Russia, where the anchorwoman is stripping while reading the news.
You speak of funny and then you use the term “adding fart noises” as if there is some relationship between the two. To me, fart noise humor is for kids, not men. Let the Cartoon Network have exclusive rights to that one.
While nekkid women improve the tenor of ANY show they’re on as a matter of course, I think nekkid newsreaders is kind of a waste. I would propose instead a one hour program every night entitled 'So You Think You Can Dance Nekkid." Women dance naked. Maybe they get judged, maybe not. Mostly, it would be women dancing naked. Frankly, if there were a Naked Women Dancing Channel, I’d subscribe in a heartbeat. Because dancing and nakedness go together very, very well, unlike newsreading and nakedness.
Brings up a point in another post that may indeed be worthy of its own thread, so I won’t address your point here, but it’s a good one.
We do not want to be inclusive. This is a guy channel. Does Lifetime run John Wayne marathons?
No, being a real guy does not exclude being a real thinking guy, but there’s nothing about the setup for BoP that makes me think it was aimed at thinking guys. The basic appeal of the setup is hot chick crimefighters, from the git-go. Now, if you want to be a real thinking guy, maybe you do something else, but I don’t think ‘hot chick crimefighter threesome’ is the road you start down if you are on that “thinking guy” trip.
By all means, start one if you like. Sounds interesting. Also, maybe a thread about where a “smart guy” plays into being a “real guy.” I agree that being a real guy doesn’t exclude being a smart guy – I suspect that playing to the lowest common denominator of guydom is what makes that happen.
I would have agreed until I saw the late-night showing of the grown-up cartoons on April 1st. I about fell out of my chair, I was laughing so hard.
However, worth noting is that even if fart noises aren’t funny, adding them will still be an improvement on many of the shows listed. That was my point: they’re too bad to watch even if Victoria Pratt & Jessica Alba are on them.
That’s why re-dubbing them would be a benefit. What’s Up Tigerlilly is a very funny movie.
I’m still lobbying for the nekkid newsreading. But this will be good only if it’s not stripper dancing. For stripper dancing, you really have to be there, in person.
And gay men are guys.
First off, I’d steer clear of programming that strongly appeals to a geeky crowd, unless you want the network typecast as a girly man’s network. That means no Star Trek, no Xena, no anime, and very little if any science fiction or fantasy/adventure. I’d avoid old-school Tech TV-type programming, too. Sorry - no Screen Savers.
Babes? Maybe, but it’s not enough. I see more bookies on E! than on Spike, and the former is targeted at a female audience. Seems like the cheap way out.
History and documentaries? If it’s related to sports, war, guns, motor vehicles, architecture, and infrastructrure, it’ll appeal to men. Biography-like specials - probably not, unless it’s for a person whose name is usually preceded by the title “General.”
Reruns? If it’s got cops in it, definitely. 1970s-era Quinn Martin Production-type detective shows will be a hit: Barnaby Jones, The Rookies, Columbo, Harry-O, Mannix, Cannon, The Rockford Files, Streets of San Francisco, Kojak, Banacek and so on. Old Barney Miller reruns might also work. Police Woman reruns for retro sexpot action would be icing on the cake. Forget doctor shows ; they seem to appeak to a primarily female demographic.
I’m mixed about hunting/fishing/outdoorsman-type shows. I’ve got two channels of such programming on Dish Network, and the shows all seem the same; bearded Southerers killing things after stalking them forver. There’s got to be something “outdoorsy” that isn’t so stereotypically redneckish - maybe programs that focus on camping, mountain climbing, and/or survivalism.
Shows about beer. Little more needs to be said.
Movies: films about sports, incarceration, war, modern westerns, and almost anything that includes Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris or Charles Bronson will probably be a hit.
I’m not convinced that the two are mutually exclusive. I’d rather watch a show with three scantily-clad, hot, crimefighting chicks saying and doing smart, unexpected things than those same three scantily-clad, hot, crimefighting chicks being utterly boring and predictable. Like the difference between Buffy and Charmed.
I realize I do not speak for all men when I say that.
Too bad to watch even if Victoria Pratt & Jessica Alba are on them? Sacrilege!
BTW, Cleopatra 2525 wasn’t that bad. It’s one of the shows I watched on tape. I LIKED it. It was full of weird-ass SF stuff, but like a lot of SF, a little too timid about the implications of its storylines. Still, the Baileys were cool villains, who seemed to have some interesting secrets, as did Earth’s history. Coulda been fun, given time.
Granted, most guy adventure shows could stand some redubbing. The writing does tend to suck. Be nice if we could hold a contest on Youtube or something to find a talented crew of redubbers. Be fun. Or just hire Mike Nelson and Trace Beaulieau and maybe a couple of other former MST3Kers.
No. Stripper dancing is BEST seen in person, of course. No denying that. But it’s still pretty durned good on tape. For homework, I assign you “Midnight Teast II,” which is chock full of striptease-y goodness.
Sure, but do their entertainment tastes intersect with straight guys? I mean, Naked Men Dancing may appeal to gay guys, but it isn’t gonna go over big with straight guys. I wouldn’t be averse to a block or two of programming for gay guys on a guy channel, maybe Gay 90s In the Wee Hours or something. But I don’t see a lot of congruency there. Would gay guys be interested in smost striaght guy programming? Or wouldn’t it make more sense to have a gay channel … call it Logo, something, bland like that there.
Was NOT! (Actually, I don’t think he was All That in terms of guyness, but a lot of guys apparently do.)
Geeky guys are guys, too. Besides, I think your average guy thinks SF is OK so long as the occasional person gets eaten or alien gets blown up good. It’s these all-talk, no-action shows where people talk out their differences that don’t work. Thus, Trek TOS rather than the later ones.
Bookies? Guys who take illegal bets? If by that you mean, butts, then yes, there are a lot of of them on E. I have a REAL problem with thinking a guy channel wouldn’t find babes an attractive feature because hey, sex.
Maybe on an Old-Guy channel. Wait, isn’t that the History Channel already? Endless reruns of Who Combed Hitler’s Mustache and so forth?
Prolly the more action-oriented ones. Which leaves out Barnaby Jones and Columbo and maybe some of the others. Maybe all of them.
I am convinced that guys who watch fishing shows do so because they experience a thrill of pride at being smarter than a fish. It is probably the only such thrill they ever get. As for the rest, we already have an Outdoor Life Network, let them have it.
Indeed.
Films about sports tend to be maudlin, stick to comedies like Slap Shot and Bull Durham, in fact, those are the only two actually funny sports movies there are. (No, Caddy Shack is not funny.)
You would LUUUURVE “She Spies” because that’s exactly what it was.
I’m sorry, but it can be true. Even today, if I’m thinking “gosh, I’d like to look at photos of a beautiful celeb,” my google search goes straight to Jessica Alba. Yet still, the big head has its limits.
Acknowledged! You’re absolutely correct; Cleo 2525 wasn’t that bad (unlike Dark Angel). So, I propose a comprimise: we have two versions: one re-dubbed or joked over, one as the original. They’re shown at different times. When regular Dark Angel shows, I’ll watch cartoons; when regular Cleo 2525 shows, we can watch together (so to speak); and when the redubbed versions show, we’ll both laugh our asses off.
Victoria Pratt can’t complain, twice as many showings can’t hurt her pocket book, which, while I’ll admit to wanting to spank it, I don’t really want to hurt it. Rawr!
I doubt my flick-rental place carries it, to be honest, so I’ll take your word for it. In all honesty, however, the best part of seeing a stripper is looking into her eyes. I’d pay for a snowmobile-suit lapdance just to have that luxurious eye contact for a few minutes. Granted, not as much as I’d pay for a nekkid lapdance, but you get the idea.
To me, the sexiest women are is when they’re not trying to be sexy. You know, when they’re just doing their thing. I’m quite willing to comprimise on this sort of thing.
Well, I was just thinking of a small segment of the programming. I wasn’t talking about digitally injecting a huge cock on Gina Torres in Cleo 2525. 
No, no…I just figured that for the nature show, for example, adding some stud in addition to a few women could sell to those who swing that way without detracting from those who don’t. To put another way, seeing Danielle Folta make fun of some guy’s shrinkage and maybe double him over with a slap on the nuts is a small price to pay for the extra advertising revenue and the viability of the network. 
John Wayne sucked. I was just happy to use the Repo Man reference.
So, I think we’re pretty close to comprimise here. Of course, given that I’d watch your network as proposed, you could pretty tell me to go to hell.
Honestly, I really identify with the notion of a disconnect between the OP and a “guy’s network.” It’s like calling GQ a men’s magazine. Yeah, a gay men’s magazine! At least GQ is openly gay, unlike Maxim. The least gay men’s magazines are Cosmo and its ilk; put in a spread of full nudity and they’d have everything we need: beautiful nekkid wimmin, beautiful not-nekkid wimmin in sexy clothes, and an (alleged) line into what they’re thinking and what they think we’re thinking. Here’s me facing a selection of magazines to browse while waiting for the dentist: ::let’s see…male models in over-priced suits? no…I could look at guys in spandex…no…no sports illustrated today…cars?..eh…oh…two hundred pages of freakishly beautiful faces? c’mon cosmo…::
Look, I’m all for including the gay male contingent into the guy’s programming, but you’re pushing it way too far. Rockford? Gay urbanite. Infrastructure? Gay suburbanite. Hunting/fishing? Gay mountain man.
The variation between the sexes is far less than the variation within the sexes; the real difference is in who digs whom. You want a guy’s channel? Whom do guys dig? Nekkid wimmin! (Unless the guys are gay…) People are people, and some people dig guys, some dig gals, and some dig both. Otherwise, we’re all just people.
Violence. Films not just featuring violence, but jam-packed with realistic unflinching nasty-ass violence. Everything from bitchslapping to knives in the gut to all-out physical and/or psychological torture. By men, of course.
The ultimate ratings draw, and the flagship original show of this fledgling network would of course be:
Porn Fear Factor
Enjoy devising the stunts in your own twisted minds. The idea hit me when tonight’s (celebrity) fear factor had a stunt that involved hot chicks and electric shocks.
So dirty…
The Web is chock full of that stuff. It’s called BDSM websites.
The TV version could have higher production values. Less variety, but what is there would be better.
Which is why TV, or at least the ‘TV model’, isn’t going away. It allows much money to be concentrated in one single production because of a large, predictable ROI. (‘Predictable’ might matter more than ‘large’. MBAs hate gambling. Whichever, the Web lacks both.)
Anyway.
How about technical programs? I like the Wings series that used to run pretty regularly on Discovery. It would take a specific kind of aircraft and trace its history from early prototypes all the way up through various models and variants to either its demise or present usage. That idea could be expanded immensely; it would work just as well in terms of computers, pieces of software (including OSes), guns, cars, trucks, and even building designs. You could get a handful of programs out of that one basic concept.
HGTV seems to have cornered the market on traditional how-to programs, so how about completely insane how-to programs? Something for the intellectual Jackass. How to affix JATO units to a Ford sedan or make your own fireworks, that kind of stuff. It should have at least the explosion quotient of a good episode of Mythbusters.
“Man Books”. Review and dissect the works of Hemingway, Chandler, and other landmarks in the male literary universe. I’m imagining this would be almost all fiction, but nonfiction books deserve some place as well. Maybe another show.
From Bachelor Party:
Basically we would have the best government agency help with programming: the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. But include lots of tits, too.
Movies you have to show:
• All Dirty Harry except Dead Pool (a total suckfest)
• The first two Die Hard
• The first two Alien movies
• Blues Brothers
• Animal House
• Saving Private Ryan
• Field of Dreams (another cathartic movie)
• Thief (great James Caan flick)
• All of the Tom Clancy movies except Sum of All Fears
• Platoon
• Apocolypse Now
• Deer Hunter
• Misery (just to show you how psycho some women are)
• Few Good Men
• One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
• The Godfather trilogy
• Big Trouble in Little China (funny movie with excellent martial arts fights)
• John Carpenter’s The Thing
We don’t need the slasher flicks. We need action and explosions. Tough guys kicking ass. We also need lots of tits, of course.
Old TV shows:
• Hill Street Blues
• Sopranos
• The Man Show
Anyone remember way back in the 80’s, Showtime cable would put on Aerobicise ?(this link is potentially NSFW http://www. aerobicise. com/new/his.html
They were short scenes of women (usually two though sometimes solo) wearing one piece swimsuits and bending and stretching on a white turntable. The camera would circle them and sometimes zoom in on certain body parts. It was very low key and very erotic. The only workout I got from watching was blood flow increasing to a certain extremity!