Let's see how many wrong and insulting assumptions we can fit into just four words!

The BBQ Pit
1

As many of you may know, I have a website about the Montreal metro.

I was just in the Village taking a picture of Beaudry for a project I’m working on for my website. As I’m lining the shot up, this queen gets in my face and goes, “It’s not a zoo!”

Gah!

Okay, Let’s go through this one by one and see if we can line up all the stupid, insulting and bitterly ironic falsehoods this implies, shall we?

1) I’m not gay - in fact, I’m homophobic enough to treat the Village as if it were a freak show.

Okay. Did I not have my rainbow fucking bracelet far enough up my wrist for you to see it? Where the fuck do you get off assuming I’m not gay myself, you unprecedented dolt?

Tally: Fuck you.

2) I am taking pictures of gay people for an ulterior motive.

As it happens, this is a picture to illustrate a page I’m putting together to advocate an artistic renovation of our metro station, to improve its looks, make it more pleasant to be in, enhance the artistic and cultural life of the Village, spotlight Queer history, and shore up our prestige before the hundreds of thousands of visitors who will be coming to town in 2006.

Tally: Fuck you sideways.

3) I am taking pictures of gay people, period.

As it happens, I’m taking pictures of buildings, you twit. You know, those big stone and glass things that are over our heads, which is where I was pointing the fucking camera??! How egotistical do you have to be to think that people are taking pictures of you? You’re not exactly modern architecture, sweetie.

Tally: Fuck you sideways with a wrought-iron dildo.

4) Someone taking pictures in the Village is probably homophobic.

Did you miss the part where the government is promoting the Village as a major tourist destination and Montreal’s atmosphere as tolerant and inviting for people of all sexual orientations? You’re not helping, sweetie! And furthermore, why do you think they put up that big beautiful metro kiosk I was photographing if you’re not allowed to visit and admire it?

Grand total: Fuck you sideways with a wrought-iron dildo, you paranoid, insular, misanthropic asshole.

2

They put the gay Canadians in a village?

3

Well, there’s assholes everywhere you go…

4

Golly…here in Kansas, we let 'em roam around. People come from all over to see the great herds of free-range homosexuals, spread majestically over the prairie. Truly a sight to behold.

5

This made me smile. HEHEHEHEH…

I suppose it’s best to observe homosexuals in their natural habitat, then?

:wink:

6

We do the same thing here. It is their natural habitat, after all. That free-range stuff is just a bunch of revisionist hooey.
Who was the comedian who had a routine about that? “They should round up all the homosexuals and put them on an island.”

“They did. You’re on it!”

7

I think free-range, organic homosexuals are more healthy than the factory processed kind.

8

Born freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

bounding across the savannah Elsa! Elsa!

9

[Crocodile Hunter] Shhh… now we’e gonna observe the ma’ing rituals of the male ‘omosexual. Look! They’re moving ‘cross the dance floo’! They migh mayte! Let’s watch to see wha’ ‘appens! … Crikey! I think they’a gonna mayte! Let’s get a sho’ on this! They might mayte! … Oh, crikey, let’s cut to commehcial."[/Crocodile Hunter]

10

Maybe yinz can get a grant from the National Geographic Society?

11

Yes. And in the village, we have numbers instead of names, we ride large old bicycles, and balloons chase us if we try and leave.

12

Yes. And in the village, we have numbers instead of names, we ride large old bicycles, and balloons chase us if we try and leave.

13

“It’s not a zoo!”

[sub]then you’re not doing it right…
…bye…[/sub]

14

God, I love this message board.

15

Ah, there’s nothing quite like the prarie. The sky as never ends and herds of queers can be seen as far as the eye can see. It is a good thing the government instituted tagging to keep track of their numbers. And to think for all those years I was confused about what those hankies in the back pocket meant.

Marc

16

So what’s your fascination with the metro system?

Marc

17

You know, the Native American plains tribes were said to use every part of the wild homosexual.

18

And vice versa. So it pretty much worked out for everyone.

19

We used to have free range homosexuals, but with the rapid urbanisation of this small country, it just wasn’t humane anymore. They kept getting hit by delivery trucks, ABBA tour buses, et cetera. So now, we have dedicated reserves, where a managed population of homosexuals can live as they please. It’s done so well, most don’t even know they’re enclosed. Behind Central Station in Amsterdam, there’s a touring car company that provides Homo Safaris for EUR 50. Weekend packages including camping in the park are also available, although not recommended for novices. Seems at night, the homosexual can become quite active and threatening to an unsuspecting camper.

20

It coulda been worse, Matt. He coulda flung some poo at you.