an asthmatic pink rhinoceros
which appeared from nowhere.
and promptly keeled over.
Landing on the illegitimate
Pregnant daughter of the
town’s most notable citizen,
Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater
, who’d never quite recovered
from the kumquat famine
in Outer Mongolia in
time for his final
march across the upper
left corner of the
rice paddy.
However, Mr.
Greenguard began to remove
the red-winged beetles
Just to recap things a bit so far, here’s the first few paragraphs of the story:
*Near the top of Mount Everest, Smedley dropped his satchel onto the back of a Sherpa guide who had leprosy. “Oh, look,” said the guide, “my finger fell off!” He laughed, but not for long. At that very moment, a great eagle swooped below at Base Camp, making a timely delivery of a bouncing baby boy named, oddly enough, for a movie character, Rufus T. Firefly, Esq. Reaching for the satchel and removing eight miniature potato chips shaped like the skyline of Manhattan, Rufus began to babble on incoherently about rainy days and Mondays always getting him down.
So to brighten his day, he made soup. It tasted oddly crunchy, a texture reminiscent of frogs and dark chocolate (much like Mama made) with a hint of spearmint, which reminded him of the Doublemint Twins, who liked to experiment in the bedroom with drugs. Their dealer, Snake, insisted on photographic evidence of the twins’ daring escape from the clutches of the Metropolitan Police’s greatest detective, Lieutenant Frank, from his clandestine underground lair beneath the gigantic twin peaks of Mount Anna Nicole. A majestic sight it was, especially in the pale light of the waning moon. Contrary to popular belief, ducks’ quacks DO echo.
But where was Shirley? You can’t be serious, she went to Goodlettsville, Florida - the birthplace of the concrete canoe racing champion Sheldon Rabinowitz, who despite his Jewish heritage trounced his Gentile rivals who believed in Santa. Meanwhile, a sinister scientist in a dirigible high above the verdant valley, released balloons full of strawberry jellybeans, which quickly dissolved into toxic gases!*
from consideration and turned
instead to the immensely
pleasurable prospect of getting