This is a lengthy post with bitching at my former employer…standard pit stuff.
Dear “administration”,
I have been with your company for two years. In this company that makes me an old timer. That’s a sad but true fact. I thought I would take the time to tell you why your employees hate your fucking guts. In business terms your morale is low. You say “Why do employees leave this company so quickly?”. Well I’ll tell you exactly why…you suck. Let me elaborate some. First you can not run a company based on fear. It didn’t work out Mussolini and it won’t work for you. Second you can have employees that have worked for two years and not know their name…or forget to give them a raise. You do not hire outside the company for a position that’s supposed to filled in house, so your friends can have jobs. Your employees are the most disheartened group known to man. Only the guys pump porta potties have a lower moral. In fact I think I would rather pump shit than work here. And please sit down…cause I’m not done. You have no incentive to work here for more than 6 months. I received a dollar raise after two years. Your pay scale is so far below industry standards its pathetic. Did I mention your employees hate this place. They hate it so much that we used to talk about pissing on the ashes if it ever burnt down.
Oh you disagree? you say “Hey we put in a break room for you guys!” oh wow sweet mother of Jim Henson, but you only give us 10 min lunch break to use it. What a great idea you shit weasels. And took away our right to send for lunch. Oh but you say, “hey we gave you machines to get food from, and you can bring your lunch and put it in the fridge!”. Another great idea…60 fucking people work here…and we are all going to store our food in a standard fridge?..please remove your head from your rectum, or is that where you put your new lunch box? Oh and the snack machine is so yummy. I have a whole 3 choices…frozen burger, frozen bacon burger, or for a grand finally, frozen cheese burger…woohoo! And this is for our new manager, whose first memo to her coworkers was that the only spot for handicap employees is now yours, and we do have handicapped employees. Sure its not marked, but its the space next to the god damn wheelchair ramp you fucknut. I’m happy to leave this place, though working here in this monstrosity you call management has probably made me sterile, I’ll try to continue on with out your guidance. Adios shit heads.
Well, I give you a 10 for originality. God knows what currents of thought crossed in your mind to produce that one.
As far as the substance of your post, well, you’d better get used to such treatment unless you want to go into business for yourself or become a bum. The only original idea American business had had for the last thirty years is to cut costs (that means no secretary, no office, no cafeteria, no insurance, no overtime pay, etc. etc.) How do you think they paid for the gold-plated crapper in the CEO’s washroom?
9.5 for Shit weasels from me. An inventive use of the language.
I have worked in this place, and the funny thing is, I worked for it five times in four completely separate geographical locations.
City Gent is right, this is the job world. take it for granted it will get worse, abominably worse, and suck more, dramatically more, from here in. If you’re lucky enough to find a gig you like where you’re treated well, for the love of god, don’t tell anyone, everyone will want one.
Your rant lacks no sincerity but does lack a tiny bit of the deep hearted hatred of someone who has been doing this for 20 years. But you’ve shown very promising beginnings! Keep up the good work!
b.
P.S. hope your old company goes belly up on a pile of weasel shit.
WTF??? Say it ain’t so! Dear god almighty and fuck me gently with a chainsaw! You mean to tell me that everyone on god’s slightly polluted Earth has a job as bad as this? (BTW, I do, but I thought it was simply another case of my terminal bad luck.) Shit razorblades, man! You mean I have another 30+ years of gross incompetence on the part of my superiors to look forward to? If so, then I’m gonna become an alcoholic! (One of these days I’ll get around to doing a pit thread about my current job. They just haven’t pissed me off enough yet. I have faith that they’ll do so.)
Dude! Smell the coffee! Gross Incompetence is the defining characteristic of management. You must learn to be grossly incompetent to manage. Or have cranial liposuction.
b.
P.S. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw is very nice. I’m personally anti-sig, but that might be worth changing for…
You’re really trying to push me over the edge, here, aren’t you? And let’s be clear about this, I’m not talking about normal, everyday kind of minor mistakes that everyone makes, but the colossal, absolute, total fuckup mistakes that mean your company is about to go spiraling towards bankruptcy unless God Him/Herself decides to pull your ass out the fire just so He/She can watch you do it all over again type mistakes here. Like when I worked for K-Mart and they decided that Wal-Mart wasn’t a competitor. Oh, my liver’s going to hate me!
P.S. can’t claim the “Fuck me gently with a chainsaw” as my own, but I swiped it from a guy who’ll never see the boards, so if you wanna use it as a sig, be my guest!
But it seems that you have been around long enough to KNOW.
The K-Mart/Wal-mart thing is a hoot!
I once worked for a guy who claimed to be the last word in precision inspection of parts. Claimed he could see variations of less than a thousandth of an inch.
ME:Gees, I bet you really do a lot of precision work! BOSS:Yeah, I’m the Guy around here for precision. ME:Cool! Maybe you could tell me how many thousandths there are in an inch? BOSS: Wow, I bet there’re a bunch!(giggles all around) BOSS:(to me)Yeah, like YOU know!!!(storms out of room)
This actually happened. And he was one of the BEST people I ever worked for.
Don’t get discouraged. They can smell discouragement like a dog smells fear.
It can get better, but it can also get a lot worse. At my former company, the head of the sales department was more interested in criticizing people for not filling out time sheets properly than in following up multi-million dollar sales leads.
Since then, the company has gone from 30 employees to only about 10: The CEO, The sales manager, three of the most useless co-workers I’ve ever seen (who all got their jobs by being friends with the CEO’s wife), and the 5 members of the HR department (funny how they recommend all the cutbacks to save money, but nobody from their department ever gets the ax).
Mighty_maxx, it’s quite evident that you have no respect for this business. Fair enough. But if it has even a modicum of respect to other businesses out there, you could hurt yourself big time sending that letter off. I mean, a letter like that is funny enough for The Pit, but a mistake if you’re truly planning on sending that letter off to your soon to be ex-bosses.
Seriously, if you just want to feel better, then you’ve posted it here. Pretend that by doing that you’ve given it to them. But if your goal is to actually improve the situation for the employees that stay after you’ve gone, I can guarantee that a letter like that will do nothing. If they manage to read past the first paragraph, the only concrete example of improvement you’ve offered is “no bacon burgers in the breakroom.” Give them some intelligent suggestions for improvement as well as a rational rationale for why implementing those would be beneficial to the company.
Or don’t. Who am I to tell you whether this will come back to bite you in the ass six months down the line?
Ender, you are right. Sending that e-mail would be the worst thing I could do to help. I have not sent them one like that, thats the one I want to send. I’m in the process of writing another one. My actual letter will include observations I have made in the two years I was there. Things that made the company great, and things that need serious attention. This place actually has potential, thats why I stuck around so long. If they could ever get decent management, it would be a money machine. As much as I would like to call them all shit weasels, I’m not going to. My letter will be full of honesty, and hopefully helpful insights. If I know them well enough they will read my letter, and say “Hey we do all that stuff about communication!” and “Our Employees are happy!” and they will promptly file it away or throw it away, same damn thing.