Should parents allow their child to join organizations that the parents oppose on moral grounds? Should the child decide?
As in what? I’d love to help, but an example would give me a better place to start.
I’d have problems letting my kids join greenpeace, but some nonviolent outfit would be tolerable.
As a parent one must know when one’s child is old enough to make certain decisions but not others. In general, based on the child’s age and prior decision making record, a parent can usually remain confident that a well raised and loved child will almost always make the right decision in line with the values he/she has been taught.
On the other hand, if your child seems to be making a decision contrary to values with which he/she grew up, then a conversation on the topic and making your feelings known (without ranting like a lunatic) will probably go a long way in helping the child make a more informed and thought out decision.
There are few absolutes in parenting.
You mean like Boy Scouts?
If my daughter were a boy and wanted to join BS, I’d check more into my local chapter before making a decision, but we would prolly let her make her own choice. First we would let her know that we disagree with some of their philosophy and we would discuss what those disagreements were and why we disagree. If she still wanted to join, we’d more than likely allow it. After all, we let her go to church with friends despite the fact that we are not Christian and have a host of disagreements with its beliefs. To me that’s kind of the same thing. Not exactly, but the closest I can think of at this time of morning.
The specific instance I have been arguing about lately is the Boy Scouts. My opinion is that, if the child is too young to make the choice (in this case, too young to fully understand the ramifications of looking the other way when discrimination is practiced) I would make the decision for him. I suppose the person on the other side of the fence would do the same thing, in this case deciding to enroll her child in the BSA because it is an organization with strong negative views about homosexuality.
With an older child (and that age would necessarily differ from child to child) I would make it a joint decision. This issue has been in the news a lot lately. I have read at least one story about parents whose son was given the decision, and who, after listening to their concerns, decided against joining. I would also support my son in a decision to join with the intention of spurring change from within, understanding that in this case the effort is probably futile and would likely result in his expulsion.
I guess the only choice I have serious problems with is joining because one wants to receive the benefits and one is willing to ignore the moral questions. Some of the most interesting discussions on this issue I have heard recently have come from church leaders who have long supported the BSA (who do indeed provide many services in the community) but whose churches have also adopted “open and affirming” policies and who are now struggling with the questions of how (or if) they can continue a relationship with this organization.
You’re saying that if an organization does one thing you don’t agree with regardless of any positive things they may do, you won’t support it? You must not belong to very many organizations. I can’t think of one organization I support that doesn’t have something I don’t like.
Scouts don’t allow gay leaders. Cub scouts I know aren’t too worried about their sexuality. I would allow my son to be a cub scout because of the fun and educational activities he would be involved in. I also agree with most of what they try to teach and if I don’t agree, I can sit down with him and explain why.
When a cub scout is ready for boy scouts (6th grade), I can have a more in-depth discussion about my opinions but I would still allow him to participate. There are other ways to teach him tolerance.
I don’t necessarily agree with everything the scouts do but I’m not about to let one issue overwhelm what I feel are all the good things the group can do.
I think it really depends on exactly what you mean by “oppose on moral grounds”. If you mean you oppose the main purpose of the organization, and think that in a perfect world it would not exist at all( my example- the KKK}, then I would not allow my child to make the decision. If you mean you disagree with the heads of the organization (who don’t necessarily have the same views as the members} on issues that are not the main purpose of the organization and get little or no attention day-to-day (my example- I disagree with my union on a lot of political issues but a union’s main purpose isn’t to be a political party}, and think that in a perfect world, they would just change those positions, then I would allow my child to decide.