I have decided that I am going to start my own “Levitation Classes.” I will teach people to levitate. It will be called “Getting Off the Ground with Fontor.”
“Yes,” I will say, “you too can float off the ground like a soap bubble. You are only hampered by the limitations of your own mind.”
I will get people to come to my classes to learn to float off the ground, and I will say things like, “Think light!” and “Relax and imagine yourself floating.” I also expect to tell them to believe in themselves.
At the end of classes, I will say things like “I think we made some good progress today.”
And if someone asks, “Did I do it? Did I float?” I will say, “You did… if you believe you did.”
If people come up to me and ask me to prove that my techniques work, I will show them… testimonials! Written by the class members who thought they floated. I will also have some people who will write “Well, I don’t think I floated, but he did teach me a lot of good things about believing in myself. That can’t be bad.”
If the people don’t accept the testimonials as evidence, then I will say, “I don’t need to prove anything. The scientific method is a Western construct. In order to float, you need to stop using your analytical mind and start using your floating mind. Besides, believing is an essential component of floating.”
I expect to make a pile of money.
I invite enrollments as well as suggestions to help me refine my technique.
That’s a good question. I wish I had a good business model.
Although one thing I should do is not wait until they learn to levitate before charging the money.
My wife teaches yoga. She charges about $15 for a 1.5 hour class, less for a block of ten. Levitation and yoga should be about the same price, don’t you think?
See, this kind of thinking is never going to make you wealthy! There are lots of schmoes out there teaching yoga (not implying in any way that your wife is a “schmoe” mind you), but you will be the only one teaching levitation! Supply and demand, man, supply and demand! I think Levitation (it sounds more expensive if you capitalize it) is worth at least twice as much as yoga! Plus: lots of folks can do at least some yoga, but how many folks can Levitate? Huh? Not so many. Definitely worth at least twice as much!
Damned right! I mean, what if your wife never charged anyone for yoga lessons until they could assume full lotus position?
I won’t sign up for classes, but I’ll be happy to write you a testimonial (hell, your OP alone has allowed me to Levitate); for an endorsement fee, of course.
I keep trying to come up with a good name for you, Fontor, but the thing that keeps coming to mind is “Levilify.” Definitely not the name your looking for, unless you come up with a specialized group of students who want to levitate while being verbally humiliated. Hmmm. Might have some potential as a spin-off!
Business model, shmusiness model. What you, sir, need to do, is start a cult. Have people who join sign over all wordly possessions to you. Brainwash the ones that refuse.
I believe I have discovered the secret of anti-fall :
As a child, I would challenge myself as to how far I could jump. Once I jumped almost six feet…but had to pull my legs back up to my body as I was about to land on a Coke bottle and possibly rip half my face off. This scored me and extra foot of hang time.
I theorize if I jump and keep my legs up, I can maintain hangtime indefinately.
