Lexinauts (Go where no man has gone before!)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

In the interest of propogating and pioneering entirely “new things under the sun”, compose a sentence that has never been uttered, let alone thought of before.
The inspiration is from George Carlin’s comedy bit “Things no one has ever said before”. These are examples from the master himself:
“Please help me saw my legs off.”
“Hand me that piano.”
“Gee dad, you really should drink more.”
“As soon as I finish jamming this red hot poker up my ass, I’m going to chop my dick off!”

I’ll start it off.

That soup is pretty good, but it needs more gasoline.

2

“I know it’s none of my business, but… aww, heck, it really is none of my business”

3

Watch how far I can throw my testicle.

Seriously Mom, you really should try it up the butt.

4

Look how far I can stick this railroad tie up my nose!

5

I’ve heard that beyond all but the most trivial of constructions, most sentences are unique utterances.

6

Hey, I think it’s important that I get the approval of the Roman Catholic Church before I start my own religion that involves people worshiping me by doing my job as former deputy U.S. Secretary of Agriculture while I stay at home all day and play Final Fantasy 1 on an emulator with PAL emulation turned on.

7

“Quiet down out there, I’m conducting the Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra in the Men’s Room!”

8

For Chrissakes, stop sucking my cock!

9

Is this why George Carlin is quoted as saying, “Why can’t there be more suffering?”? It all makes sense now…

10

devilsknew: cool thread.

No, no, no, vorlate the preturbulatories!

Hold me under, I almost got my head above water there!

11

“Lord Lucan just stole my tricycle”

12

“Your sister sure knows how to spank a walrus.”

13

“You’re right… It is fun to put out our cigars on these old reels of film.”

14

There’s only one thing that will put out an oil fire … melted cheese and plenty of it!

15

“Quick, Watson, find Harlean Carpentier! Only she can save use from Professor Danielovitch’s Infernal Machine!”

16

“This dishwasher smells like the west side of a mules rectum.”

17

“RoboButler 7800! Guaranteed to never eat the SDMB hamsters!”

18

“Mommy, how old were you when you gave birth to Daddy?”

“Kopi luwak, anyone? I crapped it myself this morning!”

19

“It’s more fun than a barrel of CSPAN!”

“Women make perfect sense”

For a related activity, try Googlewhacking

20

“Horatius, get the piano stool. We’re having s’mores!”