Life rocks, you suck, so just shut the fuck up and stop whining

The BBQ Pit
81

Stoid–

Got to admit that I have (in my head) been diametrically opposed to some of the views you’ve shared on this board.
But you are 100% dead-on right.
One complaint people have voiced here is “gee, just because YOUR life is so good, how dare you presume that MINE is too”. Bullshit. From all external appearances, EVERYONE has their private hell. I mean, for cripes sake, when I saw Stoid mention that her sister is dead, my stomach dropped because I can’t imagine the absolute horror of losing my sister. I long ago left behind the pissing match of comparing whose external circumstances are worse.

“I just had an expensive car repair”
“Oh yeah? I just lost my job of 25 years”
“Yeah, but I just lost my mother”
“I just lost my mother to a long and painful illness”
“I just lost my mother to a horrible car accident”
“I never HAD a mother growing up”

Geez, no one can win this game. Stoid, I think you’re right. Life is good. In spite of the shitty stuff that gets to us sometimes. Thanks for the reminder.

82

You are very much welcome. Glad to be of service! :smiley:

83

This thread desperately needs a theme song.

So here it is.

84

Amen to that. I always found such “comparing of scars” to be comical. For chrissakes, it’s not a contest.

85

Thank you, Jack… I was thinking of that song during several of my posts. That is also one of the most completely hilarious scenes in all of filmdom.

stoid

86

…You ninnyhammer, don’t you realize that that’s exactly what Stoid is doing in her OP?

She’s saying, you may have problems, but X, Y, and Z have worse problems, so there.

What we want is to be able to have our annoyance and anger WITHOUT some nincompoop saying, But so-and-so has it worse, so cheer the fuck up.

87

I just can’t get over what an odd thing that is to want. Don’t you find life more pleasant when you are not annoyed and angry? And if so, why would feel the need to so aggressively protect your “right” to be angry and annoyed without any interference? (Not that my thread in any way interferes with your right to be as pissed off as you wanna be, you just seem to be feeling that it does.) I’m genuinely curious.

If there was a magic formula for feeling peaceful and happy…let’s say every time you feel your annoyance and rage rising up over something fundamentally meaningless and temporary, (or hell, even stuff that is meaningful and long lasting - look at Hurricane Carter) all you had to do was pinch your pinky very hard, and it would pass away from you completely, leaving you feeling light and alive and happy…would you do it?

If you find that idea appealing (and I can’t fathom why anyone wouldn’t), can’t you see that there is a certain amount of choice involved in how we react to everday crap in our lives?

I know there are people for whom feeling alive is feeling negative feelings, generally anger, but do you consider that healthy? Something to emulate?

Which brings up larger questions…what is the goal of your life? (“Your” refers to Matt and anybody else who cares to answer) Are you 100% happy wtih who you are and how you experience your life, the way you interact with others, etc. If you were to keel over tomorrow, would your last thought be one of happiness and satisfaction at how your life was lived?

And if you are not satisfied, what is it you would change? How would you go about changing it? (keeping in mind the fact that pretty much the only thing you CAN change is YOU.) Would you stop and smell the roses more, or dwell in all the hurts you have received in your life?

These are the biggest questions of all, really. Life is short, whaddya gonna do with it?

stoid

88

Look, if you could sit on a knife without it hurting, would you? Of course not, because the knife would cut your ass to ribbons and you’d never notice it.

Anger and frustration are GOOD. They are warning signals that something wrong is happening.

I don’t want to stop being angry, because that would mean complacency.

89

I disagree. Anger and frustration can and do exist completely independently from any real threat or significant problem, that is actually part of my point.

And one can recognize real problems that demand action without having an emotional reaction to it. And having that emotional reaction doesn’t, except possibly in the case of life-threatening situations that demand fight-or-flight response, equip you to cope with the problem any better than you would if you weren’t allowing it to get to you. in fact, they probably reduce your ability to cope effectively.

Well, complacent about what? I LIKE being complacent about traffic I can’t speed up. I prefer being “contented to a fault” about long lines I can’t shorten. I’d rather be at peace with stupid, unimportant things I can’t change than raging impotently about them.

I’m not suggesting that all feelings of grief, anger, sorrow or whatever are worthless or without merit, absolutely not. In their proper place, all emotions have value.

I’m just saying that most of us could stand to be a little less unhappy, a little less angry, and more appreciative of the fact that most of our lives, most of the time, are pretty great. We could also stand to recognize that we are in almost total control of our lives, and that raging at life’s endless cruelties is a waste of time and emotional energy.

Trust that I know whereof I speak on this. Starting in earliest childhood, I have stories of my life that would make your hair curl. i’ve been down some very dark roads myself and with my family…incest, rape, early death, madness… you know, some real dark shit.

And I’m glad of it all…that very fact has helped me appreciate the goodness in life, and how very sweet it really is, and how very unimportant most of the things that most Americans complain about really are. One thing my family is really good at is finding what’s funny in the most grim situations imaginable. And we pretty much always do.

I repeat…life is short…whaddya gonna do with it? Myself, I’m gonna keep looking for the joke and turning my face to the sun.

stoid

90

The way I read Stoid’s post, and I think that’s the way she meant is, is perfectly summed up by the following prayer (I’m not entirely sure if I quote this correctly):

“God, give me the strength to change the things that I can,
the courage to accept those things that I can’t,
and the wisdom to tell the difference.”

That’s my motto in life, and I think that should be everyone’s. Ofcourse, life is pain. There is misery and bad luck in everyone’s lifes. But why moan about it? Take some action! I have several friends with who a conversation goes like follows:

Them: God, I’m fat.
Me: Well, do something about it. Go to the gym or something, eat less.
Them: Nah. Anyone want to go out and have some beers and lots of fat food?

[next day]

Them: God, I’m fat…

(ad infinitum)

It is those people who I can’t stand. If you have a problem with something, do something about it or shut up. Don’t whine just for the sake of whining.

But hey, that’s just me.

91

So who gets to decide what’s real or significant? I suggest that, for me, I do. For you, you do. Your problem is that you want to decide what’s significant for everyone else.

Most people don’t have the benefit you do of bestriding the Earth like a Colossus, changing the course of human history with each breath. No, most people just try to live their lives, do their jobs, pay their bills, and spend time with their loved ones (with apologies to James Stewart in It’s A Wonderful Life). And if sitting in traffic or waiting in line or losing $10 or whatever pisses them off and distracts them from enjoying what they get out of life, then that’s that. And if they want to bitch about it, more power to them.

Paying $1,000 in car repairs didn’t kill me. I can absorb the cost by shifting some things around. But if my mother or sister had to do that, they’d actually have to start deciding between food and electricity that month. I’d say that’s pretty goddamned significant.

92

That’s really not significant at all, PL…after all, they could live somewhere where there is no food or electricity. :rolleyes:

93

Just to further clarify:

Those of us refusing to award the OP the Best Thread Award (regardless of STOID’s motivation) are not:

  1. Pissing and moaning about our lives, or wallowing in misery;
  2. Comparing our levels of difficulty or pain in order to win the “my life sucks the most sweepstakes”; or
  3. Saying that there is no place for the good things in life.

What we are saying is that NO ONE is entitled to issue fatuous mass edicts like “quit whining” and “put a smile on your face” and expect that EVERY SINGLE PERSON is going to respond to say “What a great idea! Thanks for reminding me that life is just a bowl of cherries!” Because for some people, it just isn’t. And some of us find exhortations to “count your blessings” to be extremely obnoxious when they come from total strangers who know nothing about our lives. Does that make us a bunch of Frowny-Pants living lives of personal and intentional misery? No. It makes us people who do not presume to tell other people how they should feel, and who do not appreciate it when others attempt to do so to us.

And so far as the “generic you” is concerned as opposed to the “personal you” – I am not under the impression that STOID was addressing each of us, but her OP is pretty clear that she is addressing ALL of us (“You. And you. And you, over in the corner . . .”). I find the OP just as annoying as a spam e-mail of the same type, and for the same reason. The only difference is that HERE I have the ability to object.

94

Ok, I’ll jump into the fray. In some ways, I agree with Stoid. I’m an optimistic person, overall, and I have a natural tendency to be upbeat and enthusiastic. My life is fairly easy, and I try to remind myself of that fact when I’m feeling down, especially over something that is, in the long run, rather minor.

Stoid asked:

To answer the first question, yes. But maybe my answer to your second question will illustrate the crux of my (and others???) disagreement with the OP. Sometimes I enjoy being annoyed. Sometimes it feels good to complain about some minor irritant. Like having zits. Will it kill me? Of course not. Does it even have much of an effect on my life? No. But it feels good to vent for a little while, about little things or big things, before I go back to being my usual sunny, carefree, ebullient self. And when I am happy again, those feelings are that much more valuable to me.

So, no, I wouldn’t use what you call “a magic formula for feeling peaceful and happy”. Because if I did, then I wouldn’t truly appreciate the great parts of my life.

95

HELL NO. That’s living life like a fucking robot, high on drugs. Pain is what makes life interesting, IMO. Would we value the good times if there were not shitty times to balance them out? No. Endless ANYTHING is boring, whether it’s happiness OR sadness.

And I second Jodi - this OP is no better than the sunshine crap my mother sends me on a daily basis. Whee. I know I’m cynical, I know I’m pessimistic, and DAMMIT, I like myself that way. So why don’t YOU shut the fuck up, stoid, since you have NO idea of what someone is going through.

96

If I’m reading this all right, Stoid is not suggesting we all go out and join the local chapter of Apathetics Anonymous…

She’s saying we need to:

– which was around for a long time before AA adopted it

And to appreciate the things we take for granted.

To bitch about the things we can change and try to find cures for them and to accept and even take joy in the things we can’t are not necessarily incompossible propositions.

97

[hijack]

In this thread

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=63037&pagenumber=2

STOID says this to me:

No personal offense meant, STOID, but fuck off and die.

See how little effect that “no personal offense meant” has?

Here endeth the hijack.

[/hijack]

98

Funny . . . but all the psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, and counsellors I’ve known (and I’ve known a hell of a lot), all generally agree that anger is a perfectly healthy and natural emotion. In fact, claiming never to be angry sends up big flags on most evaluations. Hell, Gandhi admitted to feeling anger at times. So did the Buddha.

What we do with our anger is what’s important.

Sorry, Stoid, but Batt’s absolutely correct. Anger is important. As he said, it works just like pain does–it’s an indicator that something, somewhere, is wrong. It doesn’t mean there’s a threat, necessarily, or something earth-shaking. Just that something is off-kilter. I personally feel that anger indicates a need for a personal reassessment. But that’s me.

It’s rarely a choice to get angry. It is a choice to stay angry. And understand it or no, it’s not your or anyone’s place to judge those who make that choice.

99

Er, that’s Batt BcL, of course.
Yeesh. Sorry, Matt.

100

This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode, where George’s father goes to anger management class.

He walks around with grit teeth muttering his mantra “Serenity now. Serenity now. Serenity now.”

After repressing his anger all episode, he basically explodes at the end.

Someone observes that the anger management classes might not be such a good idea “After all, serenity now means insanity later.”