Hey, I’m not complaining about anything. But you should appreciate that the tone of your OP came off as someone complaining about these annoying whiners bothering you with their constant unwarranted complaining, more than as someone trying to help people see the bright side in life. At least it did to me. And you should appreciate that for someone who feels themselves to be suffering - your purported target audience - your humor might not be nearly so funny.
But it’s nothing personal. As I said, I’m not personally complaining about anything (including your OP ). And I do agree that the attitude you espouse is a good one, if you can pull it off. I’m always trying myself, with uneven success.
Well good. And so should we all… it’s all I’m tryin’ to say.
I was thinking in the shower about the last lines of “American Beauty” (my all-time favorite film, and I’m no pushover, my last all-time favorite film was probably “the Godfather”) when Spacey’s character talks about how he was “grateful for every single minute of my stupid little life” - that line reached right down into me. It is something I strive for all the time.
Seriously, I have found a really effective way to acheive a sort of “nirvana-ish” state with my daily life: be present. Be right here, right now. This moment. Not in yesterday, not in tomorrow…if we’re always reviewing or planning our lives, we never actually live them. Really being present in the moment you are in allows you to feel the joy that is in the stupidest shit: doing the dishes, changing a tire, whatever.
It’s not easy to do, it takes focus. But the rewards are sweet.
stoid
Sorry to be another one to fuck off everybody’s high, but I’ve gotta agree with pldennison here. Stoid, your whole argument about being better off than people in third world countries is bullshit. By that reasoning, you shouldn’t have anything to complain about unless you’re the most miserable wretch in creation, since there’s always going to be somebody worse off than you. As pl pointed out, your own emotional state or worldview is subjective; it’s unique to each person and is formed, at least in part, by your individual circumstances. To state “life is beautiful” as a fact and that those who can’t see this are somehow lacking in certain perceived positive personality traits makes you sound unbelievably obnoxious and sanctimonious. I’m sorry, do you have special access to the truth that the rest of us plebes, with our clouded reasoning, are too dull to grasp? Or is it that we just aren’t “self-actualized” enough to see it? Don’t make me puke. When you say “life is beautiful” or “life is great” you’re not laying down any universal truth; you’re telling us about your subjective reality,your state of mind. Life is what it is to the individual experiencing it, just like Phil said. Life is beautiful for you. Tell it to one of your beloved third world starving children or somebody who’s been falsely imprisoned and tortured under Pinochet, and they’re likely to laugh in your face. And just because I haven’t been severely oppressed doesn’t mean I have no right to bitch. Tell me you’ve never been pissed off in traffic or become frustrated to the point of rage by something trivial like having to wait in a long line at the supermarket, and tell me you won’t again in the future. Sorry, that’s human nature. People’s level of unhappiness with certain situations is relative to what they’re used to dealing with. What makes my pain or anger any less valid than somebody in, say, Nicaragua? It still feels just as real to me. The hippie ideals of peace & love were undoubtedly a nice idea, but the projrct failed for a reason.
By the way… did you used to be on a local BBS in LA called The Annex? And if not, can you tell me where “Crunchy Frog” comes from? Pump Action Gerbil was saying today that your handle is so unusual, if you are not the same Crunchy we used to know, that it must come from some cartoon or something.
We both had different handles on Annex, if you *are * from there.
I don’t trust people who don’t complain. I don’t mean all the time, but every now and then shit happens and occasionally it hurts a bit. A little whining in some instances is appropriate. It allows us to vent, let off steam, feel the feelings, live in the moment, and get through it.
Granted, someone who whines all the time is a bit annoying. But so are those Pollyanna perpetually cheerful types. Annoying, and a little scary. People who never let themselves appear mad or sad, always talk about how they grateful they are in adversity, always smile through what would ruffle the feathers of us mere mortals are freakin powderkegs! Sooner or later, they are gonna blow and take a city block with them.
I, personally, pledge to whine when I feel like whining. Because it’s healthy, dammit! I’ll cry when I feel like crying, and I’ll throw a fit when I get pissed off. And I’ll grin like an idiot when I’m feeling good. Somebody else doesn’t want to hear it, fuck 'em. They can go somewheres else.
If it was meant to be something positive, it would have been in MPSIMS or IMHO. Notice where it’s posted, and notice the wording that was used. Not “Cheer up!” but “Shut the fuck up.” Irony? Nope.
And, yeah, I do take into account who says things, when I know that their personality, reflected in the things they’ve said in the time I’ve been posting here, belies their true attitude and intentions. I suppose for all I know, Stoidela is a saint, but she’s posted nothing that would ever lead me to believe that, or that she believes one word of what she said in the OP.
Stoid, would you go into a ward of a hospital and say, “Hey, lighten up! Could be worse!”?
Or “Just say No!” to a drug addict?
“Hey, cheer up!” to a manic depressive?
Or was your OP a big joke on the irony of it all, which nobody has gotten yet?
Now then, for those who want to snivel in their own shit:
Do that as much as you want. Are you entitled to your misery? Of course. In private. Silently. Or with a shrink, a priest, a spouse or a friend. Not in public, not ever.
“Venting” is something people do despite proper consideration of others. There is nothing to justify it. Ever. Not if we like to be civilized.
(Of course, people vent all of the time. That’s we we have apologies - and real ones, not sorry little excuses.)
Does it require artificial cheer? Damn right it does, because artificial cheer is what it takes to avoid being at each others’ throats. The European Community has become quite accomplished at it, and the result is peace and prosperity despite the fact that many of the members despise one another.
I don’t think Stoid’s trying to control people’s feelings - those aren’t controllable. Rather, the point is to control behavior. That means that as much as your life subjectively may suck, before expressing that subjective view you must compare it to an objective standard. If objectively your life doesn’t suck, put a sock in it.
I will give one exception (which isn’t really an exception): you’re permitted to say “I’m depressed and don’t know what to do,” because then you’re doing something about it.
Haven’t watched daytime t.v. in a while, have you?
(Which is precisely why I have the t.v. turned off as we speak. T.V. execs must think stay-at-home moms (or people who work 2nd and 3rd shifts) are unworthy of quality programming.)
Yeah, that’s how it came off to me, too. And the point is that a lot of people legitimately do NOT appreciate someone they don’t know blowing sunshine up their ass. It’s the equivalent of saying “Smile! Life can’t be all that bad!” to a stranger on the street, when for all you know that person just lost their only child in a car accident. It’s annoying, precisely because the OP’er doesn’t know enough about all of us (or any of us) to exhort us all to cheer up. I’m willing to assume STOID didn’t INTEND it to be annoying, but it was.
The “stop whining” part remains purest irony, however. STOID is possibly the whiner par excellance of the entire Board. Anyone who doubts this or who thinks this is me waiting in the weeds for her is invited to do a search for topics such as “Alaska” and “election” and draw their own conclusions. To which she responds: But this isn’t real life, I’m different in real life – which is another irony, since she had taken it upon herself to castigate people right here in the Pit for failing to remember that this IS real life and we ARE real people. And where is the sense in posting “Stop Whining!” and then following it up with, essentially, “I don’t really whine; I only whine here.”? Well, maybe the people you’re addressing only whine here, too, and therefore are not in need of your uninvited, facile exhortations.
JOHNSON –
For the love of . . . Look, this isn’t all that tough: You do not know me. You do not know if I want to “snivel in my own shit” or celebrate the joys in my life or legitimately grieve over a significant loss. Why don’t you know any of this? BECAUSE YOU KNOW JACK-SHIT ABOUT ME OR MY LIFE. So don’t tell me to stop and smell the roses and stop whining and count my blessings unless you know damn well that such advice is appropriate and warranted – which you do NOT.
I assure you that I suffer my miseries and embrace my joys in private – not because you say I must but because I am by nature a private person. That does not mean I automatically appreciate, on any given day, someone telling me to be grateful for indoor plumbing – especially if it just happens to be the day I get fired or I get evicted or my grandfather dies.
If STOID had limited her post to how she feels – life is good, it’s spring, I’m reasonalby happy and I celebrating the following things, which I think are blessings – she would have heard not one peep from me, except maybe congratulations. But she is out of line in exhorting ALL of us to “cheer up” and “stop whining” simply because SHE is blessed with a good day. Especially since, as PHIL pointed out, by any objective review of her posts to date, she obviously doesn’t practice what she preaches.
I think it’s obvious there is some confusion here.
For me to be exhorting folks to appreciate life more is not in any way discordant with who I am the majority of the time in these forums. It might be discordant with how some people feel * about * me, but it’s not discordant with how ** I ** feel. I live each day with a deep appreciation of how good life is. (Or try)
A careful read of the OP reveals pretty clearly the sort of whining I am referring to. “Me me me me me and my pathetic life” sorts of whining. “Things are annoying me/ I’m not getting every thing I want/ my life isn’t perfect” Selfish, self-involved sort of whining, devoted to stupid shit that is either unimportant, temporary, or completely changeable. You will note that (with one recent exception) the many things that are being dragged into this thread as evidence of how wrong it is for me to take this attitude, because I supposedly am not a good example myself, have absolutely nothing to do with this sort of whining. I bitch about the big picture, not about my life, or even how the big picture will affect my life.
Someone said something about how normal it is to be driven into a rage over bad traffic and long lines. Well, it may be normal, that doesn’t make it a good idea. I think it’s unhealthy, pointless, and a waste of good rage that could be applied to something * important *. Not to mention the fact that being subject to that kind of behavior makes you not such a terrific person to hang with.
So, in conclusion, please do not confuse ** your ** rage * at me * with ** my ** rage at my life. One is real, the other is a figment of your imagination.
Thank you, and have a freakin’ FABulous day! The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, and life is great.
I have until now ignored Stoid because I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. But, Great Googly Moogly, is she an ass!
If I get your OP corectly, you feel that becaue life is good for YOU, that nobody else has a right to feel bad, or even to whinge a bit? How arrogant of you! PLDennison has your number, sister. Oh, and FTR, I’ve met him and I think he’s pretty darn cool.
Who are you to decide how people should react to life’s events? What you have revealed about yourself is a stunning lack of empathy or any kind of compassion for your fellow
beings.
BTW, I’ve got some traumas going on in my life besides my breakup. I’m keeping them to myself because I prefer to preserve my pride, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to have some idiot like you tell me I may not grieve over them.
It seems pretty clear to me that anytime somebody writes something like this, they do so primarily for themselves.
You don’t need Psych 101 to figure that out.
It’s fairly implicit in the OP that this is so, and as a reader (and nobody forces you to read this,) there is usually a tacit understanding that you will accept this fact without comment, and take away from it whatever you think it’s worth.
If it doesn’t apply or work for you, that’s fine. If you disagree with it in a general way, I think it’s appropriate to point out what’s wrong with it, but don’t bitch her out for the effort.
The generic “you” is pretty much a generally understood convention in writing, and universally accepted. Everybody knows that it doesn’t apply to the specific “you.”
Nobody pissed on me for using it in my “You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake” thread, and nobody abused anbody else the other 999 times I’ve seen it used.
This is your basic voyage of self-discovery post. I applaud the effort, and take whatever there is to be taken from it.
It is also neither nice nor necessary to point out the exploratory nature of such an op. As I said, it’s something that should be tacitly understood. I’m sorry I had to do so, but somebody else already mentioned it earlier, and it seems necessary at this juncture.
Lest anyone think differently, I would have said this regardless. Maybe a little sooner.
100% sure, andros. Life rocks. (Even when it sucks). Yes, I’ve been a little disgusted at some people’s need to be shitty, hostile, and really amazingly rude to me no matter what I say, but even that is becoming so ridiculous that I can’t let it bother me anymore.
And thank you, ** Scylla ** ( I think.)
stoid
"If there is another active poster whose words are so routinely and roundly misinterpreted, misquoted and misunderstood, then I wish someone would point that poster out to me; I’m under the impression that Stoid’s cornered that particular market. " ** xenophon41
** 1-1-01
). And I do agree that the attitude you espouse is a good one, if you can pull it off. I’m always trying myself, with uneven success.