Life Sucks Sometimes...

I wasn’t sure whether to put this in the MPSIMS thread or not. I’m not sure where this thread should be. It can be moved if you’d like it to. I’m not sure about anything anymore.

As some of you that were in chat know, last night my dad got really sick and they took him away in an ambulance. (Other note: He has had kidney cancer since last July so this isn’t the first time he’s gotten sick due to foods, medications, his tumors, etc–he lost his other kidney to kidney cancer back when I was 9–but this time it was pretty bad)

He has pancreatitis again. Dammit dammit dammit. The same thing that almost killed him in December. Why why why? He was doing so well, too. In fact, just yesterday he had some women come to his new antique market he made in the barn, and they bought a bunch of items from him. I was beginning to think that life was once again good.

That’s what I thought last time he became sick. Fuck me and my stupid fickleness.

I stayed awake the entire night wondering when Mom would call and if she’d even be home. This was before I knew what was wrong with him, so of course I was worried to the point of going insane. Since I have a history of self-injury and at least one suicide attempt in the past couple months I didn’t trust myself being home alone (well, my 16 year old brother was sleeping), so Chris and Ray (the guys I went to Ren Faire with, the “evil pagans”) picked me up and we went to one of those restaurants that’s open all night. Then we went to Ray’s house (don’t worry, nothing except some cuddling on the couch/bed happened) and I stayed there with them until 5, when they snuck me home. Mom finally came home around 5:20 and I went to bed around 6. Woke up at 2:15pm and now I just feel groggy, sad, and empty.

Please excuse me while I scream now.

Maybe I’ll just go back to bed.

I’m so sorry Welfy. How’s your dad doing? Is he going to pull through?

Your good luck will be in my most heartfelt of wishes.

Welfy, I hope your father gets better quickly. It sounds like he has been through some pretty rough times. It is very scary when your parents get ill.

Please take care of yourself, hon, so you can be strong. I know it is not easy to do that when you are scared, but it is important for both you and for your father. You both are in my thoughts.

Hang in Welfy, and your dad, too. There are many tasks yet undone.

Wishing all the best of luck.

filthy

Chin up Welfy, sometimes things just get bad before they get better. My prayers are with your dad and your family during this hard time for you all.

I got to see Dad today in the hospital. I sat there and watched him writh in pain from something or other. He seemed very sleepy and feverish. I held his ginger ale for him to drink since he couldn’t barely hold it up himself.

The cancer has spread. It moved to his one kidney and pressed against the pancreas, so now the tumor has spread to the pancreas also.

Why? Why my Dad?

I went home and bawled my eyes out. Then I just became angry at what my dad was going through so I grabbed a sharp object and sliced at my arms until they bled. And I thought I gave up cutting myself. I’m such a failure. I went to talk to Mom, sniffling, and she said, “GO AHEAD, go to the Ren Faire. Don’t worry about Dad.” in this really mean voice as if I’m the most selfish person in the world. Doesn’t she friggin understand that anytime I’m at home I hurt myself?? And she wonders why I long for human contact, even creepy guys. At least I’m safe with other people around. sigh Okay, can’t see the screen now. Why do I dread going to the hospital again? I dread it. It kills me to see Dad in pain.

welfy~~>

i have a mom who bitches at me like that sometimes too- not nearly in situations as bad as the one you’re in right now- but i think sometimes it’s just cuz your mom is probably as worried and sad about your dad as you are… i mean, she married him didn’t she? so she must have cared about him… I really hope things work out for the best, i really do…

my dad’s dad died when he was twelve, so i never got to meet him. That was from cancer too. I would hate to go through that. Stay tough, and if hanging out with people is what keeps you from hurting yourself, go for it. ((just stay away from the REALLY creepy guys…))

Jesus, Welfy, that’s really shitty. I hope your dad isn’t in much pain.

Can you do me a favor? Next time you want to cut yourself could you log on and talk to us about it? There’s always somebody here.

Actually, it’s more like “there’s always somebody at MPSIMS.” The Pit dies down about midnight CT.