There once was a man down the hall
who bought an inflatable doll
He blew her up quickly,
as she left he watched sickly
Perhaps helium weren’t smart after all.
TennHippie gave up his Nintendo
So time on the Boards he could spend-o.
Lewd verse was required
But my brain has expired -
Please, stick in your own innuendo.
Nintendo I’ve never adored.
With all 'puter games I’m quite bored.
Unless cybersex counts,
In which case my “mounts”
Have been several, and fun, Oh my Lord!
I’d brag, but it’s lame
except for this one dame
love at first spank
God, I have to Thank
now she has my last name
:eek:
(yeah, I love my wife :D)
…but I think he’d want us to keep laughing. Let’s try.
There once was a gal named Babbitt
Who had an unusual habit:
By day she was rude
And acted the prude,
But at night she fucked like a rabbit.
I plied her with wine and french bread,
then took her straight to the bed;
She said, “I don’t screw,
bad poets like you”,
And wound up giving me head.
Gimme a break. It’s early. (Where’s my coffee?)
SouthernStyle
There once was a lady named Jackie
Whose bedroom manners were tacky.
When asked to go down,
She replied with a frown:
"I’m your lickee, not lackey.
apologies,
TN*Hippie
I know that it’s getting quite late,
But the lack of responses I hate.
I simply ask that you try
To be rhythmic and wry.
Any effort from y’all would be great.
I’ll refrain from cursing and shouting
But your lack of interest has me doubting
That anyone reading
Will succumb to my pleading
So I guess I’ll just go to bed pouting.
If we can’t do better than this
A poor group we are, bro & sis
The limericks are few
And many not new
(wait a sec…I gotta go piss)
I wish you’d get off your butt
And take us out of this rut
It’s really quite easy
To rhyme and be sleazy
So bring on the well-metered smut!
Once on the ass of St. Frances,
Vaseleine was spread in great 'spanses,
Which is why I suppose,
It hasn’t decomposed,
A tribute to his secret romances.
I swear after this one I’ll stop
Slinging this poetic slop
I see nobody cares
To take on my dares
But at least this thread’s back on top
Far be it from me not to care,
But your rhyme and rhythm lack flare,
Which is why I’ll drop in,
And twice give it a spin,
To show that I truly am there.
Yes, folks, I know that I swore
That I’d not type any more
I honestly tried
But apparently lied
For I am a compulsive bore.*
*boor, if you wish
I really think you guys are lame,
Of course no offence all the same,
But quit with this thread
It’s becoming quite dead
It’s starting to drive me insane
DippyMonger-
It’s true that it’s all just a fluke,
And these words they come from a kook.
But you whimper, whine,
And waste all our time.
So don’t click the thread, ya mook!
All of these limericks here suck
Not one that’s worth my buck
You try to be crude
Crass, clever, and lewd
But yet I’m left saying “Shmuck!”
(Betcha thought I was gonna put something else in there, huh? Well I didn’t!)
Okay, here’s another one…
There once was a guy named Ooby
Who took a big draught from a doobie
He got a lil’ too high
And went out, feeling sly
To get himself a little booty.
I thought that I’d not reply
and simply let the thread die
but thinking of Tin’s seven
and giving the girls heaven
I’d ask if that’s ‘thick’ or ‘high’
it’s amazing how many words don’t rhyme with ‘seven’
The physical’s not really my game.
Though some say it’s not really the same.
I go it alone
Sex cyber and phone
Free of disease, pregnancy and shame.