Temple of doom.
Mobster: A drink Mr. Jones?
Indiana: I’m not thirsty, besides I don’t trust you guys. Now give me my diamond before my partner shoots you.
Fight Club
Jack: Stewardess? I’d like to buy a drink for my friend Tyler here. Tyler, what’ll you have?
You’re all clear, kid - now blow this thing and let’s go home! Hey, and get Artoo to make an online payment to a Mos Eisley account when you’re done, wouldya? Wouldn’t want that debt hanging over me…
“How did my father die?”
“Well, he’s not actually dead, per se. He was a Jedi Knight, but then he turned to evil and changed his name to Darth Vader. Rather a funny story about that; we had this big fight on the edge of a river of molten lava, and I chopped off most of his limbs and then after that he caught on fire and was lying there screaming in pain and I just walked off and left him to die–I could be quite a little prick back in those days, let me tell you. It’s OK, though, he pulled through and got replacement cybernetic limbs; nowadays he’s seven feet tall and wears this black breath mask on account of the lung damage. Oh, and the chick whose hologram you were drooling over is actually your sister and–Hey, where are you going?”
As Alfred Hitchcock once told a reporter, “The people in my films do not call the police because that would be no fun.”
The Princess Bride:
“Ew, it’s my grandfather. Here he comes to pinch my cheeks again and read one of those stupid old fairy tale stories. I’ll fake being asleep until he go downstairs or something.”
The Sound of Music:
Nun: Mother Superior, Captain Von Trapp needs a nanny for his children.
Mother Superior: Send Maria. On second thought, no, she’s much too flighty. Send Sister Agnes instead. She’s been a nun for 60 years, and she deserves to get out of the convent. Besides, it’s a way to get her out of the choir without having to tell her she’s tone deaf.
Wait Until Darkk–Look, my wife’s blind and even she could tell that doll is butt ugly. Toss it out with the rest of the garbage. Oh, it landed on an old knife and was impaled. Well, no harm done.
Xanadu
“That old dance hall is 'way too decrepit to reclaim. Better we just let it fall in on itself.”
The Lion in Winter
“Eleanor, by God, you’re far too irritating to allow to live. Guards!”
WALL-E
“ERROR MESSAGE 44120. Warranty terms grossly exceeded. Automatic shutdown commencing in 5… 4… 3…”
Apocalypse Now
“Eh, Kurtz isn’t worth worrying about. Another drink?”
Yes Man
“My life sucks and it’s time I turned over a new leaf… but not just by saying ‘Yes’ to everything! That’d be stupid.”*
*Actually, I really enjoyed the film.
Titanic: the old bitty has the necklace. Someone tackle her before she does something stupid with it like throw it overboard.
Casablanca
Rick: “I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You’re part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.”
Ilsa: Not get on the plane? Well of course I’m getting on the plane! Why in the world do you think I’d leave my husband? And stay in this godforsaken, nazi-ridden hellhole…Oh wait! You thought…you thought that you and I…Oh…(bursts out laughing.) Oh that’s too funny Rick! Well, thanks for the letters of transit. Buh-bye!
Ilsa cheerily crosses the tarmac, hugs & kisses her husband and boards the plane.
Rick: Bitch!
P.S.: I tried finding the actual “Moonlighting” clip that this parody comes from, but couldn’t locate it.
This entire thread is more or less gold, but this particular post cracked me the hell up. Nice. 
Star Wars: “What’d you blast that escape pod for? There were no life forms on it.” “You never heard of droids moron?”
A Christmas Story: “I want a Red Ryder BB gun!” “Okay.”
Revenge of the Sith: Mace Windu- SLICE! SLICE! “Sorry kid, I didn’t have time to sit and debate with you whether I should kill this MFer.”
Home Alone: “Wait, Kevin’s not in the van!”
Spiderman: “Whoa, lookout for that spider Pete.”
Willy Wonka: “Crap! No ticket again.”
Any of the Jesus movies: I’m sorry, I’m a Roman official, not a hitman. If you’ve got problems with someone preaching to the poor and sick and think that the solution to this is having him murdered, all I can say is, “You’re under arrest!” and have someone send a large donation to this Jesus fellow. If he’s helping the downtrodden then its less likely they’ll riot.
Any of the Bond flicks: Shoot Mr. Bond in the head immediately.
The Empire Strikes Back: I’ll go look for Luke in the morning.
Christine: Man, what an old clunker! I bet I could get a Yugo for less money.
Hamlet: Who cares if he’s asked for forgiveness? When he’s dead, I’ll be king!
Jurassic Park: Wait, you’re opening an amusement park and you want a palentologist to tell you its safe? You’re an idiot! That’s an engineer’s job! If you’re so stupid as to think that I’m the guy you need to certify the place, then there’s no way its safe!
Crimes of Passion: You want me to spy on an employee of yours? That’s pretty unethical, and potentially illegal, I think I’ll pass.
Conan the Barbarian: “The Riddle of Steel?” Thulsa Doom said, “Yes, there was a time, boy, when I searched for steel, when steel meant more to me than gold or silver. I would have slaughtered everyone in your village to find out how to make steel! But then I found everything I needed on Wikipedia. They even had an article on caring for pet boa constrictors. Just look at Pookie, he’s thriving!”
Pearl Harbor: Admiral Kimmel: "Well, damn. Admiral Nimitz sent us a ‘war warning.’ Clearly, the only thing to do is send out patrol aircraft in all directions and get steam up in the fleet. "
Joe Vs. The Volcano: “I have a brain cloud? Yeah, I’m getting a second opinion.”
The Warriors: “Every gang in New York City wants to kill us. Let’s take off these vests and either steal a car or take a cab back to Coney Island.”
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: “Billy, you and Candy got five minutes. It’s almost morning and I’m ready to get the hell out of here.”
Apocalypse Now:
Cpt. Willard: Shit, They sent my buddy Jim to take out this Kurtz guy, now he has Jim up there as one of his own renegade army. Tell you what, Cheif. Now that Lance has the cool 1st cav surfboard, let’s just call an airstrike on Kurtz’s position. No sense getting you navy guys killed.
American Beauty
I’m unemployed, stuck in a loveless marriage, and my teenage daughter’s friend is starting to look good to me. I need therapy.
Last Tango in Paris
Why didn’t you just wipe the cow shit off your shoes before going to the dance?
The High and the Mighty
Something doesn’t feel right with the Number 4 engine. Feather it. We can get to San Francisco on three.
Tootsie
My God she’s ugly! She looks like Dustin Hoffman in drag.
The Grapes of Wrath
It’s raining! The crop is saved! We don’t have to move to California after all.
Top Gun
Don’t screw around with me Maverick. You’re a hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I’d like to bust your butt but I can’t. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I can tell you one thing, though, Lieutenant. It ain’t going to be you!
**Ferris Bueller’s Day Off **- You know what, Cameron, skipping school might affect my GPA. I’ll see you in class at 9.