Lisa Nicole Carson, your tits are freaking me out

I’d like to address a special fuck you to the makers of those stretch cotton button-up blouses. I bought three of them in my size, and all of them gape over my chest. The way the buttons are spaced, the top on hits me mid-cleavage and is holding on as tightly as possible for fear of popping off. If I buy them in my size, they are too tight in the chest; the next size up is too loose elsewhere.

Omni-not - you’ll be the first to know, I promise. Maybe you could write Vogue and tell them to make gorgeous brunettes with big boobs and normal-sized bods and style du jour, and we’ll hasten up the process.

Hey Nacho?

Right after the “short size 12’s with D cups and brown hair” craze, can we have the “tall size 20’s with F cups and red hair” craze? Thanks!!!

  • Falcon, who HATES ALL button-up tops. Bleah.