Chefguy wrote:
The Two Jakes
Gotta disagree on that one.
This falls under that category (from a separate post) of films that I can watch over and over …
Not saying its the greatest movie ever or anything - but I certainly like it a lot.
Parts are better than others <shrug> … far from any worst list though.
Originally posted by CalMeacham:
Sahara (The Matthew McConaughy/Dirk Pitt/Clive Cussler movie)
As an action film this “should” have worked
as the source material (the book) has that kind of over the top …
Even the presence of Penelope Cruz couldn’t save this one though.
**The Two Jakes **has the same problem as Godfather III: it’s a long-delayed sequel to a classic. Since the reputation of the previous film (Chinatown) had grown bigger as the years passed, the odds of the sequel getting everything right were rather long to begin with.
I do like me some Cronenberg, but Crash is the only film I have paid for and then walked out of. The rinse/repeat cycle of man says “oooh car crashes are erotic”/man has car crash/man has unerotic sex just got to me. Halfway through it (I think, it is quite possible that the film does actually go on for ever) my mate leaned over and asked me if I wanted to go to the pub. I replied with “yes, but can we wait until the leg wound sex scene first?”, which was a phrase that I didn’t think would ever pass my lips.
The only movie I have ever walked out of a theatre “during” is Cheech & Chong’s Corsican Brothers. Oh Boy! Stin - ky!
The only movie I’ve never been able to finish watching is Barbarella. I can sit through that entire list on Wkipedia, but there’s just something about Barbarella that just makes me shudder.
Barbarella is a seriously cool movie. If science fiction had stayed in that groove instead of swallowing Star Trek whole, it would be a much healthier genre today. Not healthy in the sense of profitable, but healthy in the sense of not mind-numbingly repetitive.
Dear lord was that awful.
I’m nominating Birdemic for the worst non-MST3K film I’ve ever seen. Or possibly Napoleon Dynamite. Took a lot not to walk out on that one.
What groove do you speak of? What makes Barbarella seriously cool? I liked it, but it always struck me as much more fantasy than SF. The SF was just window dressing for a mythological story (see: Pygar).
I was driving home from a short morning shift one day, and it was raining in an epic manner. Traffic was bad because of this, and so I said, “Screw it, the $2 theater is here, I’ll go in and see something and wait out the traffic.” Napoleon Dynamite was the only movie I thought I’d remotely like. I was wrong. Halfway through, I walked out on a $2 showing so that I could hurry back to the rain and traffic. And floods. Turned out we got flooding from those rains.
I don’t have a burning hatred for it, but I just really don’t want to watch it.
It’s been subjected to Rifftrax Live, so the “non-MST3K” disclaimer may no longer apply. And on the same topic – Sharknado is next up for Rifftrax Live, in July.
I can’t believe no M. Night Shyamalan movies have been mentioned. My list is headed up by Lady in the Water, the last M.NS movie I’ve seen, and may ever see.
Others for me are **Face/Off **(Nicholas Cage, John Travolta, John Woo)
and
First Knight (Richard Gere, Sean Connery trash the Arthurian legend)
Both are so aggressively stupid they actually made me angry.
I forgot that. And we even went to a live Rifftrax taping of Birdemic. 
What, campy space-opera parody?! There’s only so much you can do with that.
The original Star Wars movies. Yuck. never bothered with the later ones.
I agree on Battleship, where I liked the Aliens vs Navy battles, but couldn’t accept:
That a screwball criminal could suddenly up and become an officer in the US Navy
Is there a name for the phenomenon where you can accept the supernaturally absurd, but the enjoyment of the movie gets jarred by something mundane?
Like Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (which I did enjoy and do not consider a bad movie)
Vampires existed: Okay, I accepted that in the context of the movie
Abe Lincoln was a badass axeman: Accepted
Abe Lincoln could do stunning acrobatic wire-fu: Accepted
Abe Lincoln un-retired and did his ninja axe fighting as president, in beard and top hat: Accepted
BUT:
[spoiler]Vampires were helping the Confederacy. The US was losing because they could only by killed by silver. So the government melted down all the silver in DC the night before Gettysburg. Chalices, trays, candelabras, all melted an forged into bullets. It was already nighttime when they started doing this.
Then transported from DC to Gettysburg (80 miles away). By railroad… but with a twist: by foot on the “Underground Railroad”. Then distributed to the soldiers to turn back the vampires’ Picketts Charge in the morning!! OH COME ON!!
[/spoiler]
I’m wondering this too. LOVE that movie. (Master & Commander)
Walking Tall
Con Air
And the absolute worst - The Manitou
Star Trek V, hands down.
William Shatner directed this himself. If you need proof this is the worst movie ever, picture this: Kirk, Spock and McCoy sing “Row row row your boat” around a campfire.
If you need more proof, this review analyzes why it’s such a piece of crap to the nth degree.
Oh, just remembered there was a Doper named Crunchy Frog who would ask other Dopers what movies they didn’t want to see, but were curious if there was anything worthwhile about the movie. Crunchy Frog would rent it, then write a detailed review, including his thorough disgust and struggle to watch the crapfest till the very end. Is he still around?
I’m afraid [del]Anthrax Ripple[/del]Crunchy Frog hasn’t posted here since March of 2005.