Listen Asshole, that is not what caller Id is for.

Phone rings today

He: Is John there?

Me: No, I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number.

Phone rings again, same guy’s voice

He: Is Rick there?

Me: No, I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number.

Phone rings again, same guy’s voice, again.

He: Is Greg there?

Me: No, I’m sorry but you really have the wrong number.

He: Your number’s on my Caller ID

Me: Well I’m sure I don’t know why, perhaps someone in this house dialed a wrong number.

He: (using asshole voice) Listen, your number is on my Caller ID and I’m gonna find out why!!!

Me: No * YOU * listen, your number is now on * my * Caller ID 3 times. If you call me again, I will report you to the phone company for harrassment and you won’t have a Caller ID to worry about. Do ** not ** call this number again. Goodbye.

What an asshole. What is wrong with these people?

Next time he calls and asks for <insert name here>, just sweetly say:

  1. “Sure, hold on.”

  2. Then put the phone down and check it in about 5 minutes to see if he’s still there. If not, hang-up and repeat from start if he calls back.

  3. If he is still there, just apologetically say “Yeah, he’s almost here, sorry for the wait.” Goto step 2.

Well, it’s your fault, you know. Why aren’t you John or Rick or Greg?

He really did sound like a jackass. You could say, “Yes, John’s here, one moment. I’m sorry, but he told me he never wants to speak with you again and if he ever sees you, he’ll…umm…he says he’ll ‘kick your ugly ass’. He told me if you’ve got something more to say, come over and say it to his face.” Then hang up. This is a bad idea to really do, but it’s fun to think about.


One nice thing about one of my Caller ID boxes is that I can ban numbers, kinda, from calling me. It puts out this computerized voice saying “The party you have reached does not accept calls from you at this time.”

It’s kind of annoying and good for such instances. You never have to speak the to bozo and you get your point across without having to speak to the person.

I just wish I had that with all the numbers of the Arapahoe County Jail in the Denver area blocked. Some dude in jail kept calling my number:

Is so-and-so there?

You have the wrong number.

< repeat about 20 times >

Is so and so there?

Look, I don’t know how you got this number but there is no one here by that name, stop calling me.

My buddy gave me this number.

I don’t care if he gave you the number, there’s no one here by that name. Now if you don’t stop calling me, I will call the county jail and have your fucking phone priviledges removed. I have the exact numbers and the exact times you called on my Caller ID.

< click, buzzzzzz >

Never heard from the inmate after that.

Take consolation in knowing that this idiot knows so few people that he could call and ask for each one individually. He probably was close to the end of his list of people who would call him.

Just do what I do… stay online all day long so people can’t call your house.

Then again, it may not work for you… see, I have no social life to speak of, so the phone is little more than a silly novelty to me.

LOL - techchick, sounds like someone wrote your number on the wall down at the local pokey. You REAL popular.

I have a book (my mommy got it for me!) titled something like “Spite, Malice and Revenge.” The authors suggest something like this for dealing with pricks like the guy in the OP:

Caller (assuming the guy is calling for the Nth time): “Is John there?”

Mermaid, choking up: “Oh my God… didn’t you hear? He’s dead!”

Evil, but effective.

You forgot Step 2A: With phone down, go into kitchen, start blender and start frantically screaming “Aaaah! My hand! Oh my God!! My hand!!!”. Also acceptable is yelling obsceneties at non-existent people in the room, banging pots and pans near the phone, and the almighty “Well, now that I have your number, I will send my lawyers to you for collection of the back rent he owes me.”


Yes, but he can’t talk right now; my dog’s dick is in his mouth.

If you’re really, really sick of putting up with certain phone calls here is an interesting device.

Six years ago it listed for $125. Now I see they are asking $130. But I see it occasionally popping up in shoppers catalogs for $49.95.

If you’re not taking calls from a particular number, why tip that person off that they need to call from a different phone? This thing just disconnects the line and your phone never rings.
If that nice Aunt loves to call each night in the middle of supper? If you want – She can be gently moved to the “leave a message” recorder and your phone never rings (you can get back to her after supper).

OTOH if your phone rings off the hook it’s someone you put on PRIORITY! Answer it. Answer it NOW! (You don’t even have to look)

Reminds me of my youthful vice of prnaking.
Me: “Is Roger there?”
Them: “No, You’ve got–”
Me:"–well just tell him Phil called."

About an hour later do the same thing, but don’t use phil, use some other name.


Then, call RIGHT after one and say, “Yeah, this is Roger. Did anyone call for me?”

Gets 'em every time.

Twice to those silent callers, count to three quickly and hit the police whistle as hard as I can. {VEG}

:::: keep it right beside the phone. :::::::::

I just got a new cell phone with a new number. Everyday I get a call from some guy. He never leaves a message. I finally got his call the other day and he was asking for “Letisha.” I told him he had the wrong number and he ouldn’t beleive me. I told him I just got the phone and the number. He keeps callig and never leaving a message and it is driving me nuts. when will the guy take the hint that “Latisha changed the fucking number and hasn’t given you the new one for a reason!!! LOSER!!!” grrrr.