This is a pretty classic symptom of sexual abuse. There are other explanations, but even then, most eight year olds with a lot of information are more interested in the results of sex rather than the process.
In most states teachers and child care workers, along with a whole host of other professions are required by law to report the suspicion of child abuse. While I am guessing you are not technicaly exactly one of those, there may be some that will try to hold you liable if stuff hits the fan.
Document and report. When it comes to teachers, just reporting to the supervisor does not let you off the legal hook, it must be reported to child protective services, or the police. They will not tell where the information came from and it can be done annonomously.
First, kids are curious – and something adults know about and tend to keep from kids is tailor-made for turning into “Spy Kids III: The Secret of The Private Parts.”
But sexual abuse of prepubescent children is, from my own experience dealing with troubled teens, far more common a problem than ever gets documented. And above-age-group interest in and knweldgeablity about sex is one of the prime symptoms – as is the exact reverse, an unusally pronounced tendency to be extremely modest and reticent on the subject. But it is not proof.
I think that Fairy Chat Mom’s advice is pretty close to on target: You need to document the kid’s preoccupation with sex to the school authorities, then refocus her attention to the subject at hand, perhaps playing the authority figure to do so.
I guess what worries me the most is the chance that someone could use her already piqued interest in sex to abuse her. All it would take is for some creep to say “would you like to know more about sex?”. I think she needs to know that it is not acceptable to go up to strange adult and talk about sex.
It really is not up to him to prove it. If he attempts to prove anything he could cause more problems. There are people who are trained to deal with these issues. We hear about the screw ups in child protection, but we do not hear about the millions of kids they help. Most of the worse cases happen, though when dozens of someones didn’t want to be involved. It is why the laws were put in place requiring certain proffessions to report.
Even if there is not abuse going on it sounds like this kid has behavioral issues that need to be addressed.
Kids pick up very quickly that sex talk makes most grownups uncomfortable, and some of them will take this and run with it.
I once knew a dad who had a terrible time with his five-year old saying the most outrageous things to his kindergarden teachers to get a rise out of them. The kid hadn’t been abused, far from it, but he had been given the “these are the names of our private parts, and you should always tell Daddy or Mommy if anyone touches you there or makes you feel uncomfortable” etc. etc. He came up with some pretty creative embellishments on the theme once he discovered just how much power he had in his scheming little hands. Family services ended up yanking the kid out of school, investigating, and ending up realizing – after a few weeks of pure hell for the parents – that the kid was just yanking everyone’s chains.
IMHO one of the best things you can do around this particular kid is fail to give her the satisfaction of embarrassing you. FairyChatMom’s advice might work wonders. I can see how, in these modern times, you might need to CYA with documentation, though.
You have to report what’s going on. That sort of behaviour is certainly an indication that something abnormal is going on. Here in Texas, it’s a legal obligation for a teacher to report suspicions.
Look at it this way…how would you feel if it turned out there was some sort of harmful situation in this girl’s life and you did nothing? I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable NOT reporting in this case.
If the Family & Children Services people find nothing wrong, then great. Maybe the girl will be taught about what appropriate conversation is. The parents go through hell, true. But they’ll recover.
If they do find something wrong, then that’s horrible for the girl and her family. But, you have gotten the issue out in the open and maybe some good will come of it for your student and even others in her family. If there is something wrong one or both of her parents might not know about it, or might not want to admit it.
I’m not trying to make you out to be the knight in shining armour hero here, but if this second scenario is true, you are helping. If the first is the truth, you are causing temporary harm that seems insignificant (to me) in comparison to the possibility of saving a child from harm.
My gut tells me that Tanya is not being abused. But as other posters pointed out, professionally, you need to cover your own ass.
IMO she is just a kid with behavioural problems and poor socialization who is looking for attention. I should know what that looks like, I was one of them once. I even told a masturbation joke in front of my grandparents.
No matter what’s behind it, talk to your supervisors asap. You’ll protect yourself and hopefully trigger some positive help her way in the form of talks with the parents and such. Something’s a bit odd about her knowing some of the things she seems to (the bathroom comment). Sex may be a normal thing to ponder about at that age but NOT that kind! I’d refrain from any comment that could be taken wrong by anyone. You’re playing with fire here, IMO. Good luck.
Ok, well all this talk about how she may have possibly been sexually abused made me nervous. So I went to the center before it opened, and discussed the matter with one of my directors. He acknoleged my concerns, but he wasn’t clear on the company’s policy on reporting possible abuse. I work for a private business, not a government entity (In my crossing guard job, hired by the city, I AM required by law to report abuse).
He told me to keep an eye on her to see if there was anything unusual. He mentioned that he would watch her as well. Talking to her today, I think I might of figured out her behavior.
Some of the odd/personal questions she was asking me pertained to her family. Her mom was 20 years old when she had Tanya, and when Tanya found out I was 22, she naturally assumed I probably had kids. She also knew that sex=kids, and was curious about the baby-making habits of my coworker and I.
Ok here is my own anecdote, for whatever relevance it may have:
When we were in the van driving up to New Hampshire (an 11 hour drive that took much, much longer due to other events) Dominic (will-be-an-8-year-old-in-2-weeks) asked me, completely out of the blue:
“What does ‘fuck’ mean?”
Totally innocently, just curious.
“It is a very rude word that means sex. You shouldn’t say that word around people, because it’s a bad word,” I said. My son is the bad word police. He gets upset with us for any bad words we say, and is even wary of us saying ‘darn’ and ‘heck’ so I think it is unlikely that he will start using the word, thankfully.
So then, completely out of the blue:
“When I’m a grown up and I marry Jasmyne, we are going to have sex. We’re going to have sex even when we’re married!” (as if that were the innappropriate time…heh)
Jasmyne is the girl he’s going to marry. They’ve been ‘engaged’ since kindergarten. Almost 2 years. It’s mutual.