"Little Willie" Poems

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Remember these, from childhood? Off the top o’ my head:

Willie, with a thirst for gore,
Nailed his sister to the door.
Mother said, with humor quaint,
“Willie, dear, don’t scratch the paint.”

Willie found some dynamite,
Didn’t understand it quite.
Curiosity seldom pays,
It rained Willie seven days.

Willie, with the garden shears
Cut off both the baby’s ears.
At the baby, so unslightly,
Mother raised her eyebrows slightly.

Poor little Willie!
We’ll see him no more.
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.

Anyone remember any others?

2

Oops. “Unsightly.”

3

"Little Willie with a shout,
Gouged the baby’s eyeballs out;
Stamped on them to make them pop.
Mother cried, “Now, William, stop!”

"Little Willie mean as hell,
Threw his sister in the well!
Said his mother when drawing water,
“sure is hard to raise a daughter.”

Ahh…childhood, such an innocent time it was.
:wink:

4

Is this what people did before there was written word?

::d&r::

5

Whoa! That’s some pretty dark prose! My neighborhood never had these. (Must be a New York thing?) We had, “What do you call a kid with no arms or legs laying on the floor? Matt”. Or, “What do you call a kid with no arms or legs hanging on a wall? Art.”

6

You forgot Bob, Neal and Ilene. :wink:

7

“Little Willie, with a ‘please’
Brought an intern to her knees;
The right cried ‘moral turpitude!’;
The left declared him ‘righteous dude.’”

8

::Snort::

9

Little Willie from the mirror licked the mercury right off.
Thinking in his childish error it would cure the whooping cough.
At the funeral Willie’s mother sadly said to Mrs. Brown:
“Twas a chilly day for Willie when the mercury went down.”

Willie built a guillotine.
Tried it out on sister Jean.
Said Mother as she got the mop:
“These messy games have got to stop.”

10

In the family drinking well
Willie pushed his sister Nell
She’s there yet, because it kilt her-
Now we have to buy a filter.

When we kids used to whine, “Mom, there’s nothing to do” She’d rattle these off and then tell us to go spit in a shoe.

11

Ah, such heartwarming childhood memories are bringing a tear to my eye! What’s the one that ended with the lines,

“Oh, what sorrow, oh, what pain,
There goes Baby down the drain?”

12

Dunno that one, but I recall the sad song of one “Annie Mae”:

My mom was weird.

13

Auntie, did you feel no pain
Falling from that willow tree?
Will you do it, please, again?
'Cause my friend here didn’t see.
During dinner at the Ritz
Father kept on having fits.
And, which made my sorrow greater,
I was left to tip the waiter.
“There’s been an accident!” they said,
“Your servant’s cut in half; he’s dead!”
“Indeed!” said Mister Jones, “and please,”
“Send me the half that’s got my keys.”
Weep not for little Leonie,
Abducted by a French Marquis!
Though loss of honour was a wrench,
Just think how it’s improved her French.

14

Brian remembered more-

Willie poisoned daddy’s tea
His father died in agony
Mama came and looked quite vexed
“Really, Will,” she said, “What next!”

Little Willie took a rocket,
Put it in his father’s pocket.
Then he said to cousin Dan,
“Daddy is a traveling man.”

Little Willie,
Brand new skates
Hole in ice
Pearly gates

We used to tease the neighbor girl with-

Fatty, fatty two by four
Couldn’t fit through the bathroom door
So she did it on the floor
Licked it up and did some more

What brats!

15

Little Willie
Pair of Skates
Hole in the Ice
Golden Gates

16

My father’s version of “My Bonnie lies over the ocean”:

My Bonnie went looking for mushrooms,
Some toadstools she happened to see.
She had them last night for her supper
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.

My Bonnie looked into a gas tank,
A cistern she thought it to be.
She lighted a match to see better,
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.

I think there were more verses, but those were the two that my father remembered. (The chorus was just the same as the original.)

17

MrThyristor that was too funny! Cracking up here. I beg of you, implore your father to remember more.
Lulu had a steamboat;
The steamboat had a bell.
Lulu went to heaven;
The steamboat went to…
Hello operator;
Give me number nine.
If you disconnect me;
I’ll kick your…
Behind the refrigerator;
There was a piece of glass.
Lulu slipped and fell on it;
And cut her little…
Ask me no more questions;
I’ll tell you no more lies.

That always cracked me up as a kid.

With apologies to my beloved English posters, this is one my sister would do while wearing her princess tiara:

I am the Queen of England.
I love to sing and dance.
If you don’t believe me,
I’ll kick you in the pants.

18

North side , east side
Little Willy, Willy wears the crown, he’s the king around town
Dancing, glancing
Willy drives them silly with his star shoe shimmy shuffle down
Way past one, and feeling allright
'Cos with little Willy round they can last all night
Hey down, stay down, stay down down

‘Cos little Willy, Willy won’t go home
But you can’t push Willy, well
Willy won’t go, try tellin’ everybody but, oh no
Little Willy, Willy won’t go home

Up town, down town
Little Willy, Willy drives them wild with his run-around style
Inside, outside
Willy sends them silly with his star-shine shimmy shuffle smile
Mama done chase Willy down through the hall
But laugh, Willy laugh, he don’t care at all
Hey down, stay down, stay down, down

‘Cos little Willy, Willy won’t go home
But you can’t push Willy, well
Willy won’t go, try tellin’ everybody but, oh no
Little Willy, Willy won’t go home
Sorry…couldn’t resist:p

19

Ah, little Willie, you scamp . . . My favorite character in these poems has always been witty, unflappable Mother.