Live In Help: Need Opinions

[BoBettie]

@Kalhoun

I just got off the phone with her and she’s got such a defeatist attitude that I could just scream. She can’t get to the doctor because she can’t get into a vehicle. She has too much money to qualify for a nursing home. She doesn’t want to get rid of the two fucking cats who are so fucked up that they live in the closet full time. She can get Soc Sec, but not Medicare until she’s 65. Her sons can’t come help her during the day. She can’t walk to the parking lot. A car is too low, a van is too high. Who would want to live with all her cats? Jesus fucking christ but I don’t know what else to do!

I think she’s going to lay in that bed and die. I really do.

Tough situation, but here’s a thought- she’s complaining of mobility issues, and is probably understandably upset at her inability to do seemingly simple things at a relatively young age. Has she considered getting a scooter?

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Something like that might go a long way toward helping her with her independence and her confidence again. There are usually bus services that will pick up people for doctor’s appointments and they’re nearly always equipped to load and unload scooters. Hell, my local public transit line is able to accomadate them easily.
There are other smaller things she can do (or that can be arranged for). How about instead of having a live-in you just hire someone part time to spend x amount of time there a week, say 6 hours. In that time, they can do the wash, clean the house, take care of the cat boxes (heck, get her a Littermaid or 3- that might help too), etc.

We’ve had issues like this in the past with my mother in law, and I think that what was going on was that she had depression over her lack of mobility and her feeling lousy, and it ended up coming out as a defeatest attitude. In the end we made arrangements for her to get the help she needed and pretty much just told her “look, this is the way it is. Help us help you out. It must be done” and it worked for us.

Take care and I hope it works out. Losing one’s health and independence is a tough, tough thing.

[Kalhoun]

@pace

Litter Box cleaning:

there are self-cleaning litter boxes on the market, that could aleviate her biggest cleaning concern: Littermaid LM900 Self Cleaning Cat Litter Box. A little pricey but overall the best investment for her needs. Do a quick Google search and get info.

If you don’t consider this as an option (I certainly would!!), then please please keep in mind that I have 3 indoor cats and the litter box MUST be cleaned TWICE a day, otherwise it’s unsanitary for the cats to continue to step into it, walk around the house as usual, get petted or carried by their owner or caregiver/ both really.

Yes, a Littermaid would be a good solution for her. She’s got four boxes now, and I think she’d need at least two or three of those. Maybe we can get the relatives to pitch in.

I have four indoor cats, and we have two boxes (oversized) and do once a day with scoopable. She has recently switched to the white/blue crystal stuff, and that seems to be easier for her than the clumping kind. Longer lasting. She needs someone to do the lifting to dump the old litter, so she’s very happy with the crystals.

[Kalhoun]

@BoBettie

Tough situation, but here’s a thought- she’s complaining of mobility issues, and is probably understandably upset at her inability to do seemingly simple things at a relatively young age. Has she considered getting a scooter?

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Something like that might go a long way toward helping her with her independence and her confidence again. There are usually bus services that will pick up people for doctor’s appointments and they’re nearly always equipped to load and unload scooters. Hell, my local public transit line is able to accomadate them easily.
There are other smaller things she can do (or that can be arranged for). How about instead of having a live-in you just hire someone part time to spend x amount of time there a week, say 6 hours. In that time, they can do the wash, clean the house, take care of the cat boxes (heck, get her a Littermaid or 3- that might help too), etc.

We’ve had issues like this in the past with my mother in law, and I think that what was going on was that she had depression over her lack of mobility and her feeling lousy, and it ended up coming out as a defeatest attitude. In the end we made arrangements for her to get the help she needed and pretty much just told her “look, this is the way it is. Help us help you out. It must be done” and it worked for us.

Take care and I hope it works out. Losing one’s health and independence is a tough, tough thing.

I know. I’m very frustrated at the moment. I also believe she’s depressed on top of the immobility. I also think she’s frustrated by the red tape bullshit. A few thousand dollars in the bank is nothing. I don’t see how they can say she has too much money. She has a mortgage payment, an association fee, utilities and food. The money is going to run out quickly.

Also, I agree with the prospect of using the local van to take her to the doctor’s office. A scooter would be a good option, but she has no way to pay for it and evidently she’s too wealthy to get assistance in that area. :rolleyes:

She needs exercise, but it hurts too much to do it. I think it would go a long way in helping her asthma and her leg pain, but if it hurts, she doesn’t want to continue. I swear…she’s aged so rapidly in the last few years. I know plenty of people the same age as her that look at this time in their life as energizing. I realize she’s depressed due to her loss, but this attitude started before he died. Her 83 year old mother is more active and into life than she is. It’s very sad.

[Kalhoun]

@A.R. Cane

The situation has been described fairly thoroughly and I’m of the opinion that the OP is
underestimating the responsibilities of the job and being too optimistic about finding a
responsible person willing to do it.
I’d suggest that the OP pursue finding applicants for the position and I’m almost certain
that it will soon become apparent that the majority of posters are closer to the mark
than the OP.
Good luck.

Well, I don’t know how long it takes you people to clean the bathroom and sweep and mop a small apartment, but if it’s taking you longer than a couple hours, you’re doing it wrong. Same with all of it. I know what needs to be done and it has not been underestimated. I know how long it takes to do laundry and grocery shopping for one person. I know how long it takes to dispose a bag of garbage on the way to the parking lot.

She doesn’t need to be spoon-fed and changed. She lives in a little apartment/condo and cooks for herself, washes up the few dishes she has, and watches television. This isn’t rocket science. She needs a roommate who is willing to do all of the housework and a couple added tasks.

[Large_Marge]

@Kalhoun

She’s 62. While I realize this is a downhill slope (as it is for all of us), it is not a full time job by any stretch of the imagination. Not at this point, anyway. She does her own cooking, dishes, bathroom necessities, medicine, etc. She can’t navigate the stairs to haul her own laundry to and fro. That would probably be 2 loads per week, if that. She can fold it herself. She is having a difficult time bending over to scoop the kitty boxes, so she needs help with that. She has muscle pain and cannot be on her feet for long periods of time, so she needs someone to sweep and mop the floor and clean the bathroom. She doesn’t drive, so she needs someone to do her grocery runs, maybe once a week. She rarely goes to the doctor, so she may need someone to take her once every couple months. This will only amount to 3-4 hours per week, excluding the doctor visits. This is not a big deal. She just needs someone who is available to do these things for her.

To wash and dry one load of laundry: 1.5 hours. Twice per week: 3 hours (excluding folding)

Grocery shopping once per week (estimated driving there and back included) 1.5 hours.

Cleaning the bathroom and mopping the floors once per week: 1.5 to 2 hours.

That’s 6 hours minimum per week, and doesn’t include inevitable extras: doctor visits or other trips from the house for things like clothes shopping and haircuts, taking the cats to the vet, taking packages to the post office, etc.

It also doesn’t include unexcepted things like making minor repairs around the house, such as broken plumbing, busted screens, etc.

[kiz]

@Kalhoun

I also think she’s frustrated by the red tape bullshit. A few thousand dollars in the bank is nothing. I don’t see how they can say she has too much money.

Argh, I ran into – and still running into – this issue with my mom. She’s had Medicare for awhile, but Medicare will NOT pay for everything. It’ll only pay for a housekeeper/aide ONLY if the client has an overwhelming medical reason. Lots of forms, yadda yadda. Mom was recently approved for once-every-two-weeks housekeeping, despite being diagnosed with probable ALZ a few years ago. We basically had to wait for her to deteriorate to the point where Medicare would approve it :rolleyes: There’s no way she could afford it otherwise because – as you’ve discovered – she has “too much” money in the bank.

My husband is basically doing what you’ve envisioned. When we first moved in with my mom, neither of us comprehended just how much time all the housekeeping/errand running/general caregiving (and let’s face it, it IS caregiving underneath it all) would encompass. He does have a few hours of absolute respite while she’s attending the day centre, but otherwise it’s just him and her until I come home from work. It’s at the point now where he cannot take any freelance assignments because he simply no longer has the time. Would I pay him a stipend if I could? You bet, but no amount of money would ever be enough compensation.

I agree that yes, now, it probably wouldn’t be a FT position. But, as other posters pointed out, it rarely remains that way.

I wish you luck. My thoughts are with you.

[Kalhoun]

@Large Marge

To wash and dry one load of laundry: 1.5 hours. Twice per week: 3 hours (excluding folding)

Machines are in the building. Washing and drying two loads of laundry simultaneously will take 1.5 hours per week tops. Folding is not necessary. She can do that herself.

Grocery shopping once per week (estimated driving there and back included) 1.5 hours.

The grocery store is five minutes away. This would be a 45 minute chore, maybe 1.25 hours if she’s doing a stock-up shopping. She’s one person and doesn’t require a lot of food.

Cleaning the bathroom and mopping the floors once per week: 1.5 to 2 hours.

I’d put this in the 1 to 1.5 hour range. It’s a small place!

That’s 6 hours minimum per week, and doesn’t include inevitable extras: doctor visits or other trips from the house for things like clothes shopping and haircuts, taking the cats to the vet, taking packages to the post office, etc.

She doesn’t do any post office visits. The postman picks it up at her door. She doesn’t get hair cuts. She doesn’t wear clothes (robes all day). She hasn’t been out of the house except for a couple doctor visits in well over five years.

It also doesn’t include unexcepted things like making minor repairs around the house, such as broken plumbing, busted screens, etc.

There are repair people who she hires to do these things. The person we have in mind is not a handy-man. We’re talking average, day-to-day housekeeping, laundry and shopping basically. I thought I made that clear.

[Shirley_Ujest]

Don’t you just love the Catch 22 that involves getting into a nursing home/group home?

They are too infirmed and disabled to live on their own and work, yet if there is anything in the bank…anything at all…they are not allowed to have it in order to get a room with substandard service and a permanent urine & overcooked cabbage smell at some kind home home.

It is being penalized for being able bodied before whatever infirmities took over.

It is a bitch of a situation and I have been there. It makes you want to shoot everyone involved for creating such a black hole of desperation.

The solution, while not ethical, may be finding an apartment with everything on one level and paying for a maid to come in for general cleaning and cat poop duty. She could probably get meals on wheels, too. She really needs to be closer to family. Period. So they can pick up the slack.

Or the lesser ethical thing would be to ‘hide’ her money with a trusted friend.

As for transportation, is there some kind of local Service Car available through the county services? They have these things fully equipped for all disabilities. Not too sure on the routes and stuff, but that could ease a burden or schlepping.

I haven’t seen the scooter store’s ads in awhile, but don’t they say they will work with the patient and their insurance so that they can have mobility?

If she needs help with toilet and shower needs, ( or even a wheelchair) I highly recommend hitting the Salvation Army for those. You’d be amazed on how much that stuff sells for in real life and how you can pick up walkers, chairs, elevated toilet seats and whatnot at that place for a few bucks. I cannot tell you how many transfer boards I’ve picked up for $2-3 and sold to friends of my FIL for $2-3. Whew, I’ll never work for the pentagon, that’s for sure.

If she has a specific disease, lets say MS or MD, she/family, can contact the local office for them and see if there is some kind of resource available. Y’know hospital beds, chairs and special needs thingies. Often what happens is a family who had someone afflicted will donate the stuff back to them to be given to someone else in need. I’m pretty sure a social worker of sorts can direct you to some place that can help out people in her situation.

My mother never contacted the MD office because “What can they do, cure the boys?” :rolleyes: and one of my brothers ended up getting a recliner with a butt lift ( a slow moving catapult, as it were) from, of all places, some Jewish Assistance thingie. Nice catholic family that we are, that was a good laugh for me. That chair is, and I say this with the greatest respect, fucking gold. (Which is now at my last brother’s place and when he’s gone, it will go to my mom’s best friends husband who has MS. All for free.)

It is a pissable situation that no one ever wants to be in and you are a decent person to help her out in even a small way. You cannot help her depression and defeatist attitude, but maybe changing her enviroment will make things a little less hopeless.

[LionelHutz405]

Rent the room out at full price, with no expectation of the tenant doing any housework.
Use the rent received to pay for maid service, taxis, etc. If it really is only a few hours a week as you think, the rent should more than cover it.

[Kalhoun]

@LionelHutz405

Rent the room out at full price, with no expectation of the tenant doing any housework.
Use the rent received to pay for maid service, taxis, etc. If it really is only a few hours a week as you think, the rent should more than cover it.

That’s a good idea. It would provide her a bit of income, which she sorely needs. Now…if we can only kill those two fucking cats!

[Kalhoun]

@Shirley Ujest

Don’t you just love the Catch 22 that involves getting into a nursing home/group home?

They are too infirmed and disabled to live on their own and work, yet if there is anything in the bank…anything at all…they are not allowed to have it in order to get a room with substandard service and a permanent urine & overcooked cabbage smell at some kind home home.

It is being penalized for being able bodied before whatever infirmities took over.

It is a bitch of a situation and I have been there. It makes you want to shoot everyone involved for creating such a black hole of desperation.

The solution, while not ethical, may be finding an apartment with everything on one level and paying for a maid to come in for general cleaning and cat poop duty. She could probably get meals on wheels, too. She really needs to be closer to family. Period. So they can pick up the slack.

Or the lesser ethical thing would be to ‘hide’ her money with a trusted friend.

As for transportation, is there some kind of local Service Car available through the county services? They have these things fully equipped for all disabilities. Not too sure on the routes and stuff, but that could ease a burden or schlepping.

I haven’t seen the scooter store’s ads in awhile, but don’t they say they will work with the patient and their insurance so that they can have mobility?

If she needs help with toilet and shower needs, ( or even a wheelchair) I highly recommend hitting the Salvation Army for those. You’d be amazed on how much that stuff sells for in real life and how you can pick up walkers, chairs, elevated toilet seats and whatnot at that place for a few bucks. I cannot tell you how many transfer boards I’ve picked up for $2-3 and sold to friends of my FIL for $2-3. Whew, I’ll never work for the pentagon, that’s for sure.

If she has a specific disease, lets say MS or MD, she/family, can contact the local office for them and see if there is some kind of resource available. Y’know hospital beds, chairs and special needs thingies. Often what happens is a family who had someone afflicted will donate the stuff back to them to be given to someone else in need. I’m pretty sure a social worker of sorts can direct you to some place that can help out people in her situation.

My mother never contacted the MD office because “What can they do, cure the boys?” :rolleyes: and one of my brothers ended up getting a recliner with a butt lift ( a slow moving catapult, as it were) from, of all places, some Jewish Assistance thingie. Nice catholic family that we are, that was a good laugh for me. That chair is, and I say this with the greatest respect, fucking gold. (Which is now at my last brother’s place and when he’s gone, it will go to my mom’s best friends husband who has MS. All for free.)

It is a pissable situation that no one ever wants to be in and you are a decent person to help her out in even a small way. You cannot help her depression and defeatist attitude, but maybe changing her enviroment will make things a little less hopeless.

She’s on one level (with the exception of the community laundry room in the basement). Her son was offering her a place at one point, but someone in the family told me that’s now off the table (she probably refused to move up to Milwaukee).

We also thought about hiding the money, but have since found out that they check your banking records back about six months, and have made it virtually impossible to stash the money away from Uncle Sam’s eyes. I’m not big on scamming the system, but fercrissakes…if there’s anyone who needs the services, it’s her.

She did say she was under review for some household help, but the first pass said she was too wealthy and could afford to hire her own staff. I’m not sure who is looking at it now.

The biggest problem is that she’s not getting good medical care. She doesn’t have a specific disease (other than the fact that we suspect neuropathy…no diagnosis). She’s also gone off the Lipitor as she suspects that may be the cause of the pain as well. She’s been off it about 10 days and hasn’t noticed a difference. She can’t get to the doctor. The doctors won’t work with her financial situation. They’re stupid. They won’t give her more pain meds (she’s already overmedicated as far as I’m concerned). Blah, blah, blah…it’s enough to make a person crazy. She needs to TRY HARDER and she simply doesn’t have the wherewithall to do it. Sigh…

[Large_Marge]

@Kalhoun

Machines are in the building. Washing and drying two loads of laundry simultaneously will take 1.5 hours per week tops. Folding is not necessary. She can do that herself.

Sorry, I thought you said laundry was once or twice a week. If it’s two loads twice a week, wouldn’t that be 3 hours?

@Kalhoun

The grocery store is five minutes away. This would be a 45 minute chore, maybe 1.25 hours if she’s doing a stock-up shopping. She’s one person and doesn’t require a lot of food.

Yes, but shopping for another person can be time-consuming, because you have to search for particular products that you might not normally buy. Also, the person shopping for her will likely do his/her shopping for themselves at the same time. Depending on the amount of groceries, the care-giver may need to push two carts, keeping them separate for the cashier, who will have to ring up each of the two orders separately. Otherwise, how will you know how much you spent on her groceries, and how much you spent on yours? And have you ever tried to push two carts through the supermarket simultaneously? It’s not easy.

Even if it’s only 5 minutes away, there’s still parking time, shopping time, check-out time, loading time, 5 minutes to get home, and unloading time, and then putting the groceries away, which she’ll need help with if she’s having trouble bending to clean the litter box. There’s no way that is only going to take 45 minutes once a week. And what if she runs out of something mid-week? Something she really needs? All I’m saying is, things happen, and I don’t think you’ve left any room in your estimate for things like this.

@Kalhoun

I’d put this in the 1 to 1.5 hour range. It’s a small place!

I’ve lived in a small studio apartment. If all you want the person to do is a quick clean of the bathroom and mop the floors, then yes, your time estimate is probably good. But what about vacuuming? Dusting? Picking up cat toys? Even with automatic litter boxes, someone still has to remove the baskets once they’re full. Who’s cleaning the kitchen? Wiping and disinfecting the counters once a week? Scrubbing the sink, tub and toilets? Taking out the trash? And what about spring cleaning, like the blinds? Or the inside of the fridge? Cleaning the microwave and the oven? Would you hire a maid, too, to do all those things?

@Kalhoun

She doesn’t do any post office visits. The postman picks it up at her door. She doesn’t get hair cuts. She doesn’t wear clothes (robes all day). She hasn’t been out of the house except for a couple doctor visits in well over five years.

Um, good luck finding a roommate for her. I couldn’t live with someone as a “roommate” under those conditions. As a care-giver, perhaps.

@Kalhoun

There are repair people who she hires to do these things. The person we have in mind is not a handy-man. We’re talking average, day-to-day housekeeping, laundry and shopping basically. I thought I made that clear.

The point I was trying to make is that I don’t think you’re accounting for the unexpected. I’ve worked as a care-giver (and I do think that’s what you need here, not a roommate), and all those little extra tasks add up. It also sounds as if you want someone to be available, which means that you would expect them to be home most of the time, and I don’t think you can ask someone to do that unless you’re providing free room and board, and perhaps even a small salary. I mean, most people have their own lives: they leave the house to go to work, be with family or friends, or participate in hobbies. If they are on a “shift” (expected to be home during certain hours) then I think compensation is required for that, as well.
Also, who does her banking for her?

[Kalhoun]

@Large Marge

Sorry, I thought you said laundry was once or twice a week. If it’s two loads twice a week, wouldn’t that be 3 hours?

Yes, but shopping for another person can be time-consuming, because you have to search for particular products that you might not normally buy. Also, the person shopping for her will likely do his/her shopping for themselves at the same time. Depending on the amount of groceries, the care-giver may need to push two carts, keeping them separate for the cashier, who will have to ring up each of the two orders separately. Otherwise, how will you know how much you spent on her groceries, and how much you spent on yours? And have you ever tried to push two carts through the supermarket simultaneously? It’s not easy.

Even if it’s only 5 minutes away, there’s still parking time, shopping time, check-out time, loading time, 5 minutes to get home, and unloading time, and then putting the groceries away, which she’ll need help with if she’s having trouble bending to clean the litter box. There’s no way that is only going to take 45 minutes once a week. And what if she runs out of something mid-week? Something she really needs? All I’m saying is, things happen, and I don’t think you’ve left any room in your estimate for things like this.

I’ve lived in a small studio apartment. If all you want the person to do is a quick clean of the bathroom and mop the floors, then yes, your time estimate is probably good. But what about vacuuming? Dusting? Picking up cat toys? Even with automatic litter boxes, someone still has to remove the baskets once they’re full. Who’s cleaning the kitchen? Wiping and disinfecting the counters once a week? Scrubbing the sink, tub and toilets? Taking out the trash? And what about spring cleaning, like the blinds? Or the inside of the fridge? Cleaning the microwave and the oven? Would you hire a maid, too, to do all those things?

Um, good luck finding a roommate for her. I couldn’t live with someone as a “roommate” under those conditions. As a care-giver, perhaps.

The point I was trying to make is that I don’t think you’re accounting for the unexpected. I’ve worked as a care-giver (and I do think that’s what you need here, not a roommate), and all those little extra tasks add up. It also sounds as if you want someone to be available, which means that you would expect them to be home most of the time, and I don’t think you can ask someone to do that unless you’re providing free room and board, and perhaps even a small salary. I mean, most people have their own lives: they leave the house to go to work, be with family or friends, or participate in hobbies. If they are on a “shift” (expected to be home during certain hours) then I think compensation is required for that, as well.
Also, who does her banking for her?

We’ll have to agree to disagree. There’s a small two-bedroom apartment that this person would have to be cleaning half of anyway. The difference in housework won’t amount to more than a couple hours extra time. The shopping might add an additional 1/2 hour on to the roommate’s shopping time. Maybe. She banks by mail. Like I said, she hasn’t been out of the house in five years except for two funerals and a couple doctor appointments. You can’t get a one-bedroom apartment around her neighborhood for less than about $700/mo before utilities. This would be a bargain and the work would be a fucking breeze. This is a no-brainer for a person who has a McJob and needs a place to live. Even if I underestimated the time expenditure by 50% it would be a bargain. The biggest problem is getting her to understand that she’s running out of choices.

[A.R.Cane]

From your description it sure sounds like severe depression. You mentioned “agoraphobia”, that’s quite often a symptom of depression, rather than a real phobia. Does she drink alcohol, because that can cancel out the beneficial effects of antidepressants.
If you could get her involved is some social activity you might very well see a marked improvement in her attitude. The behavior you describe is not uncommon for people of her age living alone. Social involvement is a much better solution than medications and will very likely have a positive effect on her other ailments as well, not to mention her dependence on the cats for company.
It won’t be easy getting her to change her lifestyle, but it will go a long way toward solving many of the problems as well as improving her quality and quantity of life. Get creative, be deceptive, whatever it takes.

[Kalhoun]

@A.R. Cane

From your description it sure sounds like severe depression. You mentioned “agoraphobia”, that’s quite often a symptom of depression, rather than a real phobia. Does she drink alcohol, because that can cancel out the beneficial effects of antidepressants.
If you could get her involved is some social activity you might very well see a marked improvement in her attitude. The behavior you describe is not uncommon for people of her age living alone. Social involvement is a much better solution than medications and will very likely have a positive effect on her other ailments as well, not to mention her dependence on the cats for company.
It won’t be easy getting her to change her lifestyle, but it will go a long way toward solving many of the problems as well as improving her quality and quantity of life. Get creative, be deceptive, whatever it takes.

I agree with the depression. She was a huge drinker but has stopped in the last few months. She’s very overweight and was in this horrible relationship with her own uncle, who was a drunken cock-sucker in his own right. It’s fucked up.

[Athena]

@Large Marge

To wash and dry one load of laundry: 1.5 hours. Twice per week: 3 hours (excluding folding)

Grocery shopping once per week (estimated driving there and back included) 1.5 hours.

Cleaning the bathroom and mopping the floors once per week: 1.5 to 2 hours.

That’s 6 hours minimum per week, and doesn’t include inevitable extras: doctor visits or other trips from the house for things like clothes shopping and haircuts, taking the cats to the vet, taking packages to the post office, etc.

It also doesn’t include unexcepted things like making minor repairs around the house, such as broken plumbing, busted screens, etc.

Wow. 6 hours you say? I could do all that in about 2 to 2.5 hours, and that includes a long time at the grocery store because I like to browse. How could it possibly take you 1.5 hours to wash one load of laundry, not counting folding and putting it up (per Kalhoun)? What do you do, wash it by hand?

[Large_Marge]

@Athena

Wow. 6 hours you say? I could do all that in about 2 to 2.5 hours, and that includes a long time at the grocery store because I like to browse. How could it possibly take you 1.5 hours to wash one load of laundry, not counting folding and putting it up (per Kalhoun)? What do you do, wash it by hand?

The wash cycle at my house takes 23 minutes.

The dry cycle takes 60 - 90 minutes, depending on how many jeans/towels I’ve thrown in there.

That is for one large load.

I wish I could get all that she described done in 2.5 hours per week.

[Large_Marge]

@Kalhoun

We’ll have to agree to disagree. There’s a small two-bedroom apartment that this person would have to be cleaning half of anyway. The difference in housework won’t amount to more than a couple hours extra time. The shopping might add an additional 1/2 hour on to the roommate’s shopping time. Maybe. She banks by mail. Like I said, she hasn’t been out of the house in five years except for two funerals and a couple doctor appointments. You can’t get a one-bedroom apartment around her neighborhood for less than about $700/mo before utilities. This would be a bargain and the work would be a fucking breeze. This is a no-brainer for a person who has a McJob and needs a place to live. Even if I underestimated the time expenditure by 50% it would be a bargain. The biggest problem is getting her to understand that she’s running out of choices.

Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be argumentative. I thought you’d asked us for our opinions on whether it was a feasible offer people would be interested in. I don’t think it is, based on my experience with caregiving and your description of the situation.

[pace]

@Kalhoun

That’s a good idea. It would provide her a bit of income, which she sorely needs. Now…if we can only kill those two fucking cats!

renting out the room and using that money to pay for services is an EXCELLENT IDEA!!! But do NOT try to get rid of her cats!!! If she’s suffering with depression, she NEEDS her cats… trust me, if they give her any joy it’s peace of mind for you, too! Otherwise her ailments may worsen… there are correlations between depression and illnesses. Solving the cat litter box is EASY so please don’t jump on her back about the cats… she’s in a co-dependent situation, alone, stubborn and feeling emotionally fragile.

Create a chart of priority projects, and tackle one at a time. Renting out the room and getting self-maintaining litter boxes sounds like the best you could do for meantime… if she has enough money to cover the expenses for house cleaning for a month or two, until the renter gets established, then I’d suggest you/she utilize it for that purpose.

So, here ya go:

pay for an ad, to run in Sunday’s paper to Rent out the room.
order two self-maintaining litter boxes.
contact a Maid service company.

GROCERIES:
Doesn’t Jewel still deliver?
PEAPOD still does! we used them, they’re great!

PAYING BILLS & POSTAL SERVICES:
you can do that online, banking too… as well as order postage stamps and arrange for postal pickup.

DOCTOR APPTS:
if they’re infrequent, then contact a taxi service company.

MEDICAL SUPPLIES:
go to a Medical supply store (they’re plenty around) and if she doesn’t quality for insurance coverage, some mobility assistance products are not that expensive… Walgree’s has great canes for under $25.00, and Med stores have a range of walkers (from somewhat expensive to fairly inexpensive, i.e., easily foldable at approx $140.00).

PHARMACY:
Walgreens delivers/ships meds too.

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{{{ hugz }}}

ciao ciao!
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