OMFG I’m laughing so hard I’m in tears and need a new spleen. 
Keep going! More!
TV Guide
Channel 17 - VHI
9:00 p.m.
The Queens of Manhattan - a very special episode
Liza and David pull wacky pranks on each other. Hilarity ensues as Liza suffers from the shakes when David replaces her morning gin with water, a drink previously alien to Liza. In revenge, Liza replaces David’s Seconal with Ecstasy, causing him to go to an all-night rave where he is systematically gang-fucked. Tragedy strikes, however, when next-door neighbor Michael Jackson plays “got your nose” with his 10-year-old “buddy” and the boy accidentally rips his off.
TV Guide
Channel 17 - VHI
9:00 p.m.
The Queens of Manhattan
David tries to arrange yet another concert-tour comeback for Liza, but the only gig he can get for her is jumping over a shark on water-skis. Very special guest star Gary Colman plays Michael Jackson’s recently orphaned cousin Oliver, who comes to stay with the Gests. [Note: the role of David Gest will be played by Ted McGinley in this episode]
Scott, that is so fucking scary. I think it is going to be my New Year’s card this year.
TV Guide
Channel 17 - VHI
9:00 p.m.
The Queens of Manhattan
Sarah Jessica Parker has a cameo in this hilarious spoof as she joins Michael Jackson, David and Liza around a restaurant table as they discuss sex and the city ordinances they have broken while having it. As Sarah muses, “Do Wackos Really Wanna See Jacko In The Sacko?”, Nathan Lane inexplicably walks up to the table and begs David to come back.
Any Photoshopping done to that picture could only make it less disturbing.
TV Guide
Channel 17 - VHI
9:00 p.m.
The Queens of Manhattan
When David finds that Liza is overdrawn in her accounts again he challenges her to find a job and “bring home the cocaine.” Liza agrees, but David and Michael Jackson must stay home and be “housewives” while Liza and Liz Taylor are out working. The next day Liza and Liz go to the Acme Employment Agency and get jobs at Kramer’s Kandy Kitchen. Wackiness ensues as Liz tries to eat all the candy that goes by on the conveyor belt, and Liza goes into sugar shock by snorting an entire bowl of confectioners’ sugar. Best-remembered line: “Liiiiza, this is the last time I’m getting mixed up in one of your hare-brained schemes!”
L to R: A closeted gay man, a drug-addicted alcoholic, a noseless white woman, and another drug-addicted alcoholic.
That must have been an interesting reception. :eek:
A special Osbournes/ Liza crossover event!
Madcapped mayhem as Liza and David engage in an uncomfortable show of domestic normalcy “cooking” together in the enormous kitchen they have never seen, while the Osbourne kids bring Liza’s everpresent publicist to tears when they discover the script for the “reality” show and act out the parts, ad libbing in their regular endearingly vulgar manner. Later, yukks aplenty when Sharon beats the crap out of ol’ David for perceived advances toward her boy, while Ozzy and Liza trade stories and realize they lived together in an L.A. mansion made entirely of qualudes for 8 months in 1976.
TV Guide
Channel 17 - VHI
9:00 p.m.
The Queens of Manhattan
David gets Liza a gig doing PSAs for a new addiction treatment, and wackiness ensues. Liza: "Hello, friends, I’m your Methadonavegamin girl. Are you strung out? Hepped up? Dopey? Do you shoot up at parties? Are you too popular? The answer to all of your problems is in this little bottle: Methadonavegamin. Yes, Methadonavegamin contains methadone, heroin, cocaine, and vegetables. Yes, with Methadonavegamin you can pill-pop your way to sobriety. All you do is take two little pills after every meal. It’s so tasty, too—tastes just like M&Ms. So why don’t you join the thousands of hypey, popping people and get a great big bottle of Methadonavegamin tomorrow. That’s Methadonavegamin. It’s fabulous!"
TV Guide
Channel 17 - VHI
9:00 p.m.
The Queens of Manhattan
Anna Nicole Smith drops in on the Queens of Manhattan fresh from her starring role in her own reality show, “Mammaries.” Hilarity ensues when Liza, David, Michael Jackson, and Anna Nicole decide to stage a musical-comedy version of “Anna Karenina” called “Annie Get Your Bra.” With gowns by Bob Mackie and musical numbers written and choreographed by both Minneli and Jackson. Hilarity ensues when, during the Carmen Miranda number, Anna’s dress flies up to reveal that she is not wearing underwear. Minneli exclaims “It looks just like Toto!” Neither David nor Michael express the slightest interest.