Local Humor

A couple of classic New England “Yankee” Bert and I skits (paraphrased)…

Goin’ South…
Well, the wife and i always kept hearing from our freinds how much fun they had down south, “oh we had such a wonderful time down south” , so we decided to take a trip down south ourselves…
we spent the whole winter in Portsmouth, New Hampshire…

i wouldn’t do it again
Well, i lost a lot of money on the stock market, so i decided to end it all, i got myself a length of rope, a bottle of carbolic acid, and a large horse pistol, and went out to the local swimmin’ hole…
i tied a noose in the rope, put the rope around a branch over the swimming hole and put the noose around my neck, drank the bottle of carbolic acid, and swung out over the swimming pole, firing the pistol…

the bullet severed the rope, i fell into the swimming hole, i drank so much water i vomited up the carbolic acid, and you know, if i hadn’t been such a good swimmah…

i would have drowned

a couple pulls up to a local farmer to ask directions

Is this the road to Portland?
ayuh, but it’s around 30,000 miles the way you’re headed and there’s some places are pretty wet wheelin’
can i take this road to Portland?
shuah, but they got all the roads up to Portland that they need
do you know where the nearest gas station is?
well, is it far to town?
well, it seems farther than it is, but you’ll find out it ain’t
do you know the way to Portland?
you don’t know much do you?
no, but then again, i ain’t lost

(the inside joke here is that Natives often think it’s funny to give incorrect directions to “Fromawayers”)

so, whats some local humah in youah area?

I’m from the same area, more-or-less.

One I always liked:
“How many people in your plant are approaching retirement age?”

“Well, there ain’t ANY going the other way.”